Im floating along in that
glass sphere
watching fish
go by
Its beautiful and quiet
A slow moving dream
Come on says the scuba diver
We drift to watch the whale past by
I have to get to the other side
It's just past the lines of slow moving
Creatures
I have to
I move towards an opening
Not fast enough I suppose
It's tale smashes into
The fragile glass
My body goes numb as air
Escapes and water fills
I awake gasping for breathe
I'm still so numb
I'm scared to go back to sleep
will I drown for real?
or is this still a dream?
will the rain flood in and
drag me away?
Its so loud.
Don't sleep
don't sleep
D
     O
          N
               'T
                    S.      L.      E.       E.      P.


Too late.

It's more like having
Too many ideas
Half formed
They sound so brilliant
Until page two
Having ideas for page
Two hundred and eight
Or the best ending
For the story
That has two
Lines down
I can't write anything
If has a title
Write ten minutes
On this
Write that scene
That's in chapter three
I'm writing chapter one
Thirty on going ideas
Most seem to have it
I need to finish one
**please

Dear My Fellow Poets,
I'm entering a poetry competition soon and would like some advice on what a successful poem would be. I know that poetry is very much a self absorb sport that we, as authors and poets, do not always care what others think. Though a word of encouragement means the world that is, I believe, why some of us are here. We are a small society that is as close as any other. So this is just what it claims to be. Me, asking for advice from those I do not know but from those that are closer to understanding me than some of my closest friends. And because this is my fear of being rejected I will only ask that you consider responding.
With much thanks,
Courtney

That feeling of
It would be SO easy
Just a little push
Just one more foot
There's the edge
Thoughts of
How long til I
Reach the ground
How much it would
Hurt
To just fall
I wonder
Sometimes
I really wonder

What the end is going to bring

A beautiful mess
A symphony written in blood
A best seller of mistakes
A melody of melancholy
A master piece made of mud
Coffessions of tragedy
Plays of death
Words that built
An empire
Falls to pieces
A painting of endless faults
A poem book that never sold
A home built on a fault
A life constructed by a liar
A time wasted on the useless
This is the start of something
An empire of words
Useless to anyone else
Now
What's your story?

This is a day
Of new beginnings
Or so they say
Of fresh starts
But what about yesterday
Of new hope
In any way
Of forgetting the past and looking forward
Do I forget those who didn't stay  (alive )
This is a day
Where it is just one more day
Closer to death
Closer to pain
Closer to love
Closer to loss
Closer to hate
Closer to joy
Closer
Closer
Closer
Closer to the end
So yes this is a day
But not one that means anything to me
This is a day

Blacked out heart
closed off mind
Praying to gods I don't believe in
Forget what I said
Forget me
For there's a part of me
Hidden away
Locked away
I've lost the key
To the box
My one eighth soul shard
Hides in
So what if you can see
the beast inside of me
Lost in a cage
Let me out of this rage
In this haze
Of dreams

Cyprian, from Cyprus
Named for the trees of his kingdom
Prince or king
Livia, envy or blue
Beautiful daughter of king Divaro
Ruler of the kingdom
In the four seas
Lucius, the light
He has a way with words
King or prince
Hilaria, cheerful
Accurate for such a child
Who only smiles
But daughter of which king
Nero, strong and aptly named
Impossible strength in a lithe body
Prince or king
And of which kingdom
Aurelia, the golden child
Men have gone insane for her
Of which king
Felix, the lucky
Rumors to carry the
Tears of the water sprite
King or prince or thief
Avita, ancestral
Sister of Cyprian
But who us the king
Cato, how wise
The brother of Hilaria
A prince is revealed
Dulcia, a wonder
Lost in translation
Daughter of which king
Of which kingdom
The diviners of the south
The scholars of the north
The ocean people of the west
The skilled hunters of the east
Or maybe the mountain dwellers

A writer's glory
Is a quick thing
Never does last long
Shorter than the time
I've spent writing
The novel in my mind
First page written
Plot half finished
But enough about that
A writer's glory
As fleeting as it
Can be
It is a glorious
Feeling of
Triumph
of feeling like
That your words matter
But then you
Realize that
what they love
you can not
Write another single page
It's sad really
They've forgotten
What you wish to write
I bet you have too
I've spent so much
Time too much
Time
Writing fanfiction
A terrible plot
Wraps you up
In the
What ifs
I can't bear
That anymore
I want to
Write about
What I want
And when
My glory fades
I'll be okay
I know that now I
know nothing
of life
And the way it should be
So goodbye
Writer's glory
I will not fall
Under your spell
Because after
Every glory
There is always a
Tragedy

Be careful of the monsters
They definitely want you dead
Be careful of the monsters
They know everything  you've ever said
Be careful of the monsters
They whisper in your head
Be careful of the monsters
They seen where you've tread
Be careful of the monsters
Because when your finally dead
They'll go after your best friend instead
Be careful of the monsters
Please

I swear with every letter of every word
I am angry as I've never been
If only I had better instructions
for a bad day
Than its going to be OKAY
Because it's not
Not now
I'm shaking with rage
Please
Get some sense or maybe some knowledge
of the words and ideas
you speak
It means nothing if you don't know
And I know it should get better
And I don't know for certain it will

The way I love the world is a selfish kind of
Metaphor I suppose
I search out all the lies like
Love songs are written by fools
Time is best spent on ourselves
A different side doesn't matter
There are a lot of others detailing the * waste* of human effort
On what?
The silly things
The things and thoughts that matter
I love the world in an unusual way
By noting the cynical views
And where they are wrong
and where they are right
But it turns me darker and darker
Then I crack open a book
And imagine that world
And how there is definitely someone like me there
I love the world in a strange way
I desperately grasp the strings of hate and twist it inside of me
Until I am consumed
Sometimes it feels like an endless black hole
That ****** in the thin film of hope
Never to be seen again
But who knows if black holes even exist?
**Can it all just not exist?

Childhood is a
Kingdom
Where nobody dies
Isn't that
Such a
Heartbreaking
Lie
It's surprising
How we've
Lasted this long
With so many
Threats around us
So many
Disappearances
So many
Forgotten
Childhood is a
Kingdom
But beyond its
Borders is
Where darkness
Lies in wait
Of you
That darkness invades
the kingdom
Picking us
Off
One
By
One
Into the realm
of reality
Of harsh cruelty
And of sorrow
Betrayal and
Anger
Sometimes
We find those
who are lost
Not always
Breathing
And sometimes
They never turn
Up
Childhood is a
Kingdom Where
nobody dies
Isn't that
Such a
Heartbreaking
Lie
But it's the
Kingdom where
Our future
Lies
Our defenses
Are not
Always strong
But we are
Never weak
We will always
Look and search
Never give up
Even if ten
years past
And you're
no longer a child
You're not forgotten
By us
Don't fear
Just let someone
know
And truth will
be with you
Childhood is a
Kingdom
Where nobody dies
And no one
is forgotten
about
No matter how
Long ago
In its
own walls
Life is full
of color
with anything
you can imagine
Though we'd
love for you
to stay
forever
You must
Leave sometime

What do you suppose is stronger?
Crystal or Glass
One built of melted sand
Or the one of minerals dripped into place
It's more romantic I suppose
Seeing that it's the collection of many things
To create something beautiful
But glass
Is shaped and colored to meet
Any preference
It let's people see clearly
And can be beautiful in its own way
Both can cut though
A two sided blade
Elegant and dangerous
but what do you suppose is stronger?
Crystal or Glass
Which do you think is better?
I suppose I think we all know

On my back in a sea of uncertainty
It rolls lifting me up
And gliding me down
Its wavering surface calms me like
The calm before the storm
Storm clouds wept in the distance
Cool grey clouds seem to surround me
I never know when the sky begins
And the ocean ends
Gentle like a mother holding her first child
For the first time
A slow rocking makes my mind drift
Like it hasn't since I was a child
The water has long since soaked
Me to the bone
Filling me up with nothingness
The wind whispers stories
Like teenage girls trying to keep a secret
The place seems endless
Of sleepless time
And timeless nothing
Drifting in and away from
This world's problems
Like every dark thought sank
And every light one keeps me
Floating
A kind of purgatory
No ...........good
No.............bad
Just you floating there
And that's it
drifting
It's like that moment before sleeping
Seconds between awake and asleep
When everything fades
Like in a fog
I see something
A shape at the edge of the nothing
I feel so unconcerned
As stars fall into the water
They make no sound
There is no ripples
The shadows grow lighter
And I fly higher
The water shapes into bubble like forms
Drifting around me
If only I could just be here forever
Drifting on my back
Nothing holding me down

Everyone has high days
And everyone has low days
And sometimes it's been
So long since normalcy
You forget
Its steady pleasure
Of feeling between
Of a perfect balance of joy
And depression
Sometimes the world is
Caving in around you
That you feel as though
You're falling through space
Forgetting the stability
Of solid ground
And tears are as much of a relief
As lines carved in skin
Thats retraced in red of
Varying degree of vibrancy
Sometimes you vent to the
Privacy of a lonely notebook
One that never spills secrets
Or someone on the other end
Of the phone
Telling you everything will be fine
But you don't know if you believe those words
And you're crying out for help
Hoping someone will notice
So you don't have to
Sometimes there's a happy ending
Sometimes there's never a good ending
Sometimes it just continues
On the cycle of never ending repeat
Of highs and lows
And then the time you find a steady stabilizing balance

Face me you coward
Stare your eyes into mine
Face me, face forward
You are wasting my time
Where's your war horse
Oh my handsome prince
Do you not own armor
Or a royal kingdom
I'm sorry about that scar
You suffered saving me
From the perceived evil
I was fine on my own
You killed by best friend
He was a good jailer
And a fine monster
He had a name
So yeah I'm sorry about the scar
I didn't mean to take out an eye
Or part of the ear
Yeah........sorry
I was fine in my tower
I didn't know I was missing anything
My rooms was all I've known
All I've ever known
You took me away from that
Introduced this scary
Big place
So why won't you look at me anymore
I know I don't really know how to talk
Or be around anyone
Or do anything worthwhile
I mean I can dance kind of
And read and write
Oh I can also sing and make cloths
And and I can draw a few things
And and I don't know what you want
Just tell me and I'll learn
You'll see I'm learning how eat
With a fork and a knife and a spoon
And another fork
I'm also learning your language
My teacher says I was your
Royal quest
What's that?
Your sister is teaching
something too
Oh I forget what is called
Something to do with the longer knives
The stories always say the one who rescues
The princess is the prince
And they live happily ever after
I'm not so happy
Why are you sending me away?
I don't like this boat
Or the people on it
So face me you coward
Face me show me your face
Please ........
Oh handsome prince
Are you the real hero?
I want to go back to my tower
With my best friend
Have you seen him?
I can't find him
Where am I
Where's my tower
My window
My books
What are they saying
Who are you?
Can I go home?
Is that a painting, why is it moving?
Please........

Fear the hero
For he is no
Hero in the eyes
of fate
of destiny
do not fear the villain
Fear the hero
No matter
The story
No matter
His reasons
He is tempted
by the cries
of what he
Believes
Should be
fear the hero
do not fear the villain
the villain is a hero
in the eyes of Few
but the hero is a villain
in the eyes of many
the hero will always
believe he is right
but he is never right

I remember a poem
Of name I can not recall
It's lines that encased my heart
With a new view of the world
That told the story of
One such as me
but unlike as far as the eye can see
Constructed how I do not know
If the hero vanquished his foe
Or her warrior mine live or die
I am gasping from the high
But then it ends
With a sighing cry
Spiraling down into the dark
And has the final line
What's the point?
Love is stupid.
I suppose it's poet finally gave in
Saw the beauty in the world
Understood its greatness
But the darkness is there too
It's a never consuming thing
It will swallow you whole
And never let you go
I remember a poem
Of name I cannot recall
But it changed me
For the better after all

It lay heavy in the air
Brought down by the gravity
It clung to trees and low lying buildings
It twists and spreads
Rising from the river
I can't see it if it clings to your skin
And mine, chilled by the rain
From a far it entraps you
Closer it disguises as air
You can feel it
But never see it
It pales all colors
Turns the sky to its grey white
Could search forever
And find nothing
But your own imagination
It's heavy and thick
The cold bleeds through my clothes
It's a darken feeling

For seven days
We lived
But we were
Told that we
Could only rest
For three nights
Each could choose our
Own nights
For the first three
Days we enjoyed
this new life
Then Marie
Died
Another day
Thomas and Juliette
They died together
After finding love
Next day
Alex died
I'll miss him
Halfway between days
five and six
Three more died
They died
Screaming
For life
There's so few of us
Left
Just me
Lamar
Mira
And Jackson
At sunset on the sixth day
Mira tripped
And fell
Into the river
Lamar jumped in
To save her
We never saw them again
I am scared
Because I can't
bear to be awake
Any longer
If I don't rest
I will past out
That will be
My final night of rest
Tomorrow
I will die
I know it
But what of Jackson
He has rested
Only once
Will he live
Past our seventh day
The sun is rising
on my last day
of life
Jackson holds me
As the last of
The life
Leaves me
I'll see you tomorrow
he whispers

A little part of me
Is always left behind
As I grow older
The smaller those pieces become
As a child I would hand out
Quarters of my heart
to those who would take it
Only to receive a veiled rejection
But still a sliver would follow
taken by them
Short friendships only resulted
In battered parts
Returned with fractures
Patched together with tape and staples
Smaller and smaller still
Is left untouched
Undamaged
Everything returned
Except slivers and chunks
Torn from me
Only those taken care of
Does the hole go unnoticed
Filled in with a part of you
Never love
Love would mean
the shy little thing
that's left of my heart
to be given in its
Entirety
But stll I'll lend you
A little bit of me
But just for a while

The children do cry
When it could be time to die
Begging asking why

Does anyone else remember,
When they were young,
Closing your eyes so tight
You saw stars
Some speak of lovely words
Others define it as the edge of reality
A whisper of nothingness
And long winded gasp if sanity
I love the happier times

I told myself
Whispered in the dark last night
That I can't do it anymore
It hurts to try
Sometimes I'd rather die
It wasn't like this before
When I still had the might to fight
For myself

A hero's going to
Save me just in time
SAVE ME NOW
I need a hero
Who's going
To fight
For what's right
Who's going
To fight
For the weak
I need a hero
SAVE ME NOW
Save me just in time
Who's going
To make
Us believe
That life
Is
WORTH IT
I need a hero
To save me now
Just in time
Who's gonna
Save my life

The rivers full of sharks
The oceans full of poison
Monsters roam the land
And the sky's no place to lay your head

My bones are fragile
My skin unmarred
Except for a Y shaped scar
On my right knee
Because of falling on a rock
Or the stretch marks on my back
Few months ago they looked like
Whip scars
They're gone now
My blood is the average ruby red
If you're wondering
I struggle
I lose
I win
I succeed
I am arrogant because of my species' names
**** sapiens

My heads in my hands
A broad smile on their faces
I've used up all my tear before age twelve
My eyes only mist now and then
Like the chance of fog in a desert
My heart is like a mirror that you've
Shattered but it'd not in pieces
It's still held together
Somehow
Their broad smiles are demons that attack
When you're vulnerable
Hands will tell you the story of their owners
I  <3 you
That's what you send me
I don't know what to say
I'm sorry
I don't know if I feel like that
It's tearing me up like a twister
So much destruction

I'd think of you
And if I knew
What to think
I'd say it
To you
Your face a
Distant memory
I know that
We text
At least
Twice a day
Sometimes more
Our conversations
Have lulled
Into smiles
And 'how are you?'s
I've seen you
Only twice
In person
That was a year ago
My life is getting busy
So is yours
I should think
We met on the ice
But now this
Contention between us
Seems to be
Stretched thin
So I'd think of you
If I knew What to think about
I'd say it
To you

I like my world
It's different from yours
I'm sure
I see the movements of still objects
Pain is two things
How can describe that
I feel my bones rotting
Under my skin
It hurts
But that's okay
Pain is also something
Easily discarded
I like my world
It's full of cresting
Thoughts and ideas
Dreams
Of sleeping and awakened hour
of music as dark
As I sometimes feel
Or as lost
As I wonder
In my mind
A grand maze
8  dimensions
So in the end
I know my world is different
from yours
What's yours like?
Is there a radio on
With all the songs
You listen to?
Well I am breathless
As my masks
Lock in place
Maybe one day
Someone will see
The world inside of me
But for now
I like my world
It might be dark
Some days
And light
Others
It is mine

I like the revolver
There's only one bullet though
Sometimes I spin it
Raise it to my head
Click
Empty again
Click
Nope
Click
Maybe next time
Sometimes it feels like a game
Other time I want what I'm scared of
I have the bullet engraved
Is half finished
The other half is on the barrel
Of the gun
Click
Two left
Still alive
Maybe one day I'll understand why
I like the revolver

I may not compare
to you
Or anyone
But that's okay
There's no one better
At me
With my thoughts
With my dreams
Literally
what's your big
Idea
On life
On death
On hate
On joy
So yes
I may not compare
That's fine
As long as I am breathing
Away in my own world

Some believe the world
to have that glow of good
That lasting moment of hope
for the better in life
I'm sorry to say I don't see the good
I'm sorry to say
I don't see the belief in anything
I don't know the reasons that everyone has
I'm sorry to say I don't understand
We will all cry humanity
and stand together
when the world is in pain
but where is our solidarity
if we cannot understand
our differences?
What's the point in trying?
Where's the point in lying to yourself
we will destroy ourselves
and there is nothing we can do to stop it
unless they finally get it together
and understand
but I'm sorry to say that
old thoughts and old ways
distract us from our path
to completion  
Is far from my thoughts
good of the world
and let me think
what if we can change the world?
But I'm sorry to say
I don't think I'll see that
but I'm sorry to say
I don't think I'll live to see that
but I'm sorry to say we need it soon
and I hope for the best for the future
and the past because
Our present is filled with hate
because of misunderstandings and dehumanization
we need a moment of joy
Of change
A place to live
where we don't have to see that everyday I'm sorry to say
I'm too cynical to see that future
I see the bad in everyone
and I don't know why
I'm sorry to say
I'm sorry to say
I'm sorry to say
I don't know what to say anymore

I'm sure I mean something
With the way
I craft these lines
With words
That I have the
Barest understanding
of their real meaning
And sometimes I do
I know what I am saying
Can you see
Though
It's never a waste
When one
Just one
Can understand
the importance of
this word here
Or that one there
Or why I miss spell this
I probably couldn't spell it anyway
So yes
I'm sure
I must mean something
Even though
I sometimes don't know it
But even when I do
Its all up to you
Dear reader
It's YOUR  perspective
YOUR opinion
Of my words
That will last
Longest in your mind
I wonder what
the meaning behind
This one
is
Though I
Think it's
Plain to see

An off duty cop
Walks into this
Bar
He has no badge
No uniform
He is no cop now
He's friends
With a young
Paramedic
Who drinks the
Guilt away
They stay till
Last call
And ask for some shots
To share with
The bartender
The cop wants to say
A few
Words
'To another life wasted
To another one shot
To another one dead
To another shot'
Then the paramedic
'To two good men gone
To blood on  my hands
To the lawyers health
To another day gone'
The bartender had
A few words to say
'To tomorrow night
To the many cabbies
To the few how choose safe
To another shot'
When they've drunk
Their fill
The two friends left
In the cab
Waiting out front
That got hit by
A drunk driver
Who they spent
Last call with
To another drink
**To another phone call

I heard that human
Blood is blue
Until it reacts with
Oxygen
I've heard that if
You play a
Certain frequency
While slowly freezing
Water
It because beautiful
I've heard that if
You have any
Pet you are
At less of a
Risk for
Depression and
Heart problems
I've heard that one
In three teen girls
Consider themselves
Ugly
Never good enough
I've heard that
Life
Should be
worth
Living
I've heard some
Things that I
Believe
But I've also
Heard things that
I'll never
Understand

Kp why oh why me
Haven't I had enough ?
Misunderstood in laguage
Stutter much?
Only last year could I look others in the eyes
But not so much with age
Making excuses and lies
It lies on my skin
Like you
Ridged and red it had been
I like my friends I do
But it's not like they'll ever ask again
The wounds too deep
Too visible
Crawling across my skin
Help is often oh so reliable
If only I knew where to begin
Peal it back and the brighter it gets
The harder it is the defend
Against these thoughts it fits
That my insecurities are so ever viable
When they strech across me
Kp why oh why me

Heart stuttering
Hands shaking
Vision blurring
My prince dying
My fate ending
Life flashing
In the eyes of the tested
But in your soul so full of color
I have been bested
By your Valor
Knighted fools
That failed
In lasting
In what life in tailed

If tomorrow is a good day
Then I will be okay
It was so cold this morning
You could hear the grass freezing
A crackling like glass
And with it my dreams are stashed
A quite chill in the air
Break the silence if you dare
Music  plays through one ear bud
Sometimes life is a dud
I'd love to see snow
I've only seen frost
There's so much I want to know
But most of it seems lost

I can be
The girl made of
Glass
Shielded by metals
Of varying degree
Of varying strengths
They are overlay ed
By mirrors
So that you
Shall see only what
I want you to
But that's okay
Because
My fragility
Has weakened
My will
Has strengthened
Glass infused with
Some mystic thing
A friendship
Perhaps
Or maybe
a song
that spoke to
Something within me

I see someone
Eyes closed to reality
But they do peak
With a deep blue shade
I see someone with
A heart that won't stop racing
To catch up
But they are so far behind
I see someone who
Sees more than this
Worlds of life and death
But can only write half of the adventures
I see someone
That is apart of nothing
But everything
I see someone with
Too little time
To be anything good
But they do try
I someone who
Has so much to say
But can't find the courage to speak
Oh dear mirror is that all you see?
I see someone who needs
Yes? Why don't you say it?
Let it speak. I beg you
I am silent, now

It's pulsing along with the beat of my heart
With heavy heart and heavier mind
It sings of seven poisons laced dart
Or of three deciding fate of mine
'I've done nothing '
Pleads the side of you unwilling to Die
'And that is everything '
Says your mutinous lie
But can anyone trust lies?
Can anyone define life
without the words of others
That four chambered thing in my chest
It picks up speed
Then slows
Like the arcs in books
Or maybe in the orchestra hall
I like the grey sky
You can only see as far as you can imagine
Though it warps slightly
For me

From the shadows you creep
Gliding from the mists
You barely break the silence
The tense builds
Flying low near the
Lightening bugs
Singing their haunting melody
My Dark Horse, My Black Bird
Pick out your betrayers
And the worst traitors
In a breathless abandon
Cast them into the light
My Dark Horse, My Black Bird
Stay in the shadows
Hiding your true purpose
Watch for the coming grey clouds
My Black Bird
Softly through the darkness
Strong when needed
Fast before the end
My Dark Horse
On the edge of twilight
Cast in the rising sun's shadow
revealing scars
Sometimes far too
Deep
My Dark Horse, My Black Bird

It's edges are worn
Well loved pages
A tear here
Because of a careless
Barrower - a friend
A fellow book reader
Book lover
Lost in your words
Oh great authors
It's cover worn
But still intact
I'll read it every
Six months
It never gets old
Dog eared pages
When I could never find
a book mark
Now I have a collection
Maybe forty now
My favored book
I'll read it forever
Until I find another book
By the author
But still in my heart
It collects
Moments and momentos
Of my life
My first love note
Pictures of friends
Long forgotten
My scribbled ideas
And fragmented art
All my dreams
Both in sleep and in waking hours
And it is my hope
My good friend
My future
That it lives on
Each page
Every word
My favored book