I am starting to recognize myself again
You know, the me that you tried to suffocate
The real me
The woman that laughs out loud at ***** jokes
The woman that didn't want to bite her tongue in front of your judgemental family

I am starting to look in the mirror and like myself again
You know, the me that you always insinuated needed to lose weight
The woman who likes to cook things because they taste good, not simply because "Angela, the body needs only nutrients"
The woman that didn't  want to disintegrate into broken pieces for you

I am starting to remember what my voice sounds like standing up for myself
I am beginning to recall what the tv shows and movies I love sound like
I am finally starting to love myself again

Falling in and out of love with your best friend feels a lot like getting your heart broken twice

And that isn’t poetry
It’s just sad.

Friends,
But you always want to tell me your secrets first
Friends,
But you cannot forget the way my hand felt on your thigh when we got too drunk
Friends,
But you call me at 2 AM to vent about work and how your boss was such a ***** again this week
Friends,
But you want to lay in bed with me and do nothing together not even touch
Friends,
But you know me better than I could know myself
Friends,
But you send me pictures of dogs you see on the street because it makes me smile
Friends,
But when you hear the love songs the only name that comes to mind is my own
Friends,
But always, always something more.

How does the darkness feel?
Do you miss the light that was me?
You tried to eclipse me until I was almost taken in by your black hole of misery
Space must be so lonely without any stars
It must feel so scary to be alone with all those thoughts
I’m shining freely, I’ll light up a new galaxy for someone else

You were depressed so you decided to push away any woman who might love you and your idiosyncrasies after "she" left
I was depressed so I kept clinging on to every man who asked me what my favorite band was after "he" left

You were sad that she moved on so you secretly hated every woman who reminded you of her in the slightest
I was sad that he moved on so I not so secretly tried to make out with  every man who made me laugh

You met a woman who made you smile and made you hopeful and instead of running to her, you ran away
I met a man who made me laugh and made me question my goals and instead of making him love me, I scared him off

You turned your frustration into art
I turned my frustration into alcoholism

You made sure to keep me along for the ride on the thinnest piece of string you could weave together
(after all it feels good to know you have a backup plan)

I made sure to keep paying you the utmost attention and sending you the slightest reminders that I am still there
(after all it feels good to know maybe I could still have a chance)

I am still so in love with you that it burns a hole through my skin directly to my heart

So irrevocably still in love with you that it creates an effortless stream of mascara stained tears across my rosy cheeks each night

And there's no ******* way to turn that into poetry

Maybe I kept all the photographs because the people smiling in them are always so much happier than I am
Perhaps I kept a box with all the letters because the writings in the notes are always so much more sincere than the hate I spew at you now
And I certainly know I kept a memory of all the most intimate moments so I could play them back on repeat when I am feeling ever so lonely

So yeah, maybe we keep close all our tiny keepsakes to remind ourselves of the people we still have the capacity to become once again.