What is happening to my spirit?
I am losing touch with who I am,
Fallen far from where I was,
Too ****** to give a ****.
Leaning on toxic substances sweet,
Mind wrapped, thoughts of oblivion tight,
No sunshine visits this tired place,
Only endless burnt edges of night.
Exhausted, nowhere to rest,
Without light to guide my way,
No moon or stars appear in my dismal sky,
They faded to dust one somber day.
I continue, directionless, weary,
Realize I'm getting more lost,
Stubbornly walking the wrong road to escape,
Determined to fill veins with warmth at any cost.
Out of sync, out of patience and time,
Nearly out of good luck
Waterfalls in eyes begin to overflow
Rain I cannot seem to dodge or duck.
Red puddles form, pools on arms,
Evidence of yet another failed plot,
Look for magic that does not exist,
Expect to find in a bowl or shot.
With each I feel less and less there,
No motivation to see tomorrow dawn,
Day in, day out, it is the same routine,
Harvesting the flesh I depend on.
Night drags, no morning in sight,
Flying with prescription pair of wings,
Soon I will crash, a spectacular comedown,
The air laden with dread and melancholy things.
This time of year reminds of lost days,
Better moments, it was effortless to laugh,
Weeks and months went faster than I liked,
Bliss found in an old photograph.
Golden glow of juvenile wonder,
Wasted in midnight frightened mistakes,
Have not seen that innocent side since then,
Only smiles that appear now are simply fakes.
I am waiting for the tides to turn,
I will be carried back to shore,
Far from depths of disappointment and dismay,
To a make-believe land, I won't feel lonely anymore.
Arms tired from treading thick water,
Starting to sink to bottom,
Legs about to give out for good,
Wouldn't mind if they caved before Autumn.
What if I built a boat to bring me across oceans?
A plane to sail to the skies?
Sea rushes too quickly, no time to start,
To avoid crashing, cut silver ties.
The white clouds are now my only map,
Detailed, woven from incorrect waves of hindsight,
Hide the sun, golden glow burns eyes,
Covering progress, I venture out at night.
Basking in the moonlit cloak of guilt,
Far from peace am I,
Close as I let myself get I suppose,
Can't seem to reach it and I don't know why.
It's a bit long