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Adia Heart Sep 2014
I was crying into my bed and I realised that I was completely
Alone.

And all I could think about is how
I wanted someone that I could
pour my heart into,
and they won't choke.

Do I want a lover?
No, I do not.
I just want any form of
emotional closure.
And society got me into thinking that
a bond of a romantic sort
is the best type.
But
Lover, friend, counterpart...
It does not matter.
All that matters is that I'll have
someone.
Anyone.

I do not want a lover.
I don't want to love you when
I can't even love myself.

I do not want a lover,
I just want to be loved.
(And I know it's selfish, but I frankly do not care.)
The struggles of an asocial aromantic.
Adia Heart Sep 2014
Even empty air
seems interesting
when you've got stuff to do.
I just stare
at the ceiling,
but oh, what a view.
Adia Heart Sep 2014
The world spins.

Lives are all struggling, clamouring to survive.
We invent technologies,
create literature,
music,
art...

What is this drive that makes us this way?
All I could think of is that someday
we will all die,
and nothing
will matter anymore.
We are
just
tiny
specks
of the entirety of this universe,
and no matter how much we say that humans,
the **** sapiens, are the most
supreme creature in this planet,
or in this universe -
it's not true.

I fear the day when everything
will be gone,
when there'll be no one
to recognise the petty little achievements of mine;
and the kind of achievements
we humans call miracles.
I fear life, and I fear death.
Even this very moment, I'm fearful
of the uncertainties,
of what might happen.
Everyone is.
But we still breathe,
doing things that'll all be
forgotten later on without giving up.

Here we are on the road.
We must be going somewhere.
Adia Heart Sep 2014
I like my bare feet
right in front of the fan.
It tickles,
the wind;
blowing kisses on my toes.
My toenails are red.
I'd just noticed; I'd forgotten
how I painted them shiny
as I hummed nonsense words.
It's chipping off now,
I'd have to repaint them.
Blue?
Purple?
No, I'll stick to red.
Red has many meanings
but I do not care much for them.
Some things are better left simple -
My toenails are just one of those things.
I was wiggling my feet and just felt like writing about them. The wind feels amazing and I really do need to repaint my toenails.
Adia Heart Aug 2014
Only a table between us
but we're worlds apart.
Maybe we were
meant to be lost.
Lost in each other's world
trying to understand
but can't.
I know.
My thoughts confuse you.
My thoughts do that to
everyone, including me.
So you go back to your thoughts
and I never tried to go to yours
Because for all I try
to look unaffected by you
You
Terrify
Me.

And I can't bear to imagine
how much more you'll be
able to get to me,
If I knew you further.
So I never did try to
understand you.
I'm sorry.
I am.
I'm sorry but I don't know how to tell you.
I'm scared you'll reject my apology.
God knows what else you'll reject.
Adia Heart Aug 2014
Mum
I have a panic attack.
You tell me to stop acting crazy.
But
I
can't
stop
gasp
ing
for breath
So I just stop breathing.
I'm not doing this on purpose, you know.
Adia Heart Aug 2014
Long I had tried,
to make sense of what plagues
the minds of those in love.
Long I had cried,
thinking myself far too rational
to fall apart under your gaze.
But now mystery
brings out a certain charm in you
that I've gotten so fond of.
Unaligned symmetry;
my half-a-heart and yours, never
a perfect fit, but a bittersweet pair.
11/Aug/2013
And I wish this poem was true, but it's not. I still can't understand and I'm surprisingly okay with that now, on most days.
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