My pen bleeds
As its ink seeps
My words cry
The seer weeps
I keep scrawling
Until my pain recedes
Walking on my way
Where my lament leads
Crumbling to bones
Changing to fit the needs
My frailty drives me
As nothingness breeds
In madness I did
Those fearful deeds
Now I'll have to pay
The price of my greed
Making me suffer
My demons succeed
In the garden of love
I feel like a ****
I am looking for my way
To the flowery meads
Where the chains will be shattered
And then I will be freed

Books have power over me
I somehow fathom its own beauty
It makes me feel so many at once
It’s like my heart is going to dance

I’ve been in so many different places
And met people of various shapes and sizes
I’ve done these things without leaving
My bedroom, here, I’m just sitting.

So if you ever see me reading
Don’t you dare go disturbing
I am a captive in this kingdom
Of print and paper with no ransom

I see you every time I pass a place of old memories.
My eyes try to blink away the tears
His love was treachery
A ****** up affair

The scent of you
Earth and musk
Lingers in the breeze
Dawn to dusk

I taste you
On the tip of my tongue
(It’s kind of like a tattoo)
At the back of my throat
(God, we were young)

Your hands traveled
Down a lace thong
Unraveled my heart
Along with a black bra

I still hear your voice
Sighing words into my skin
Ringing alarm bells in my ears
Divulging secrets to my eager grin

My eyes have been overcast since the day you left
Reminders burned into my fovea centralis
(birthdays, favorite cigarettes, us undressed)
My sclera turned into translucent glass
All I hear is relentless noise
Or mindless buzzing
All I taste is alfalfa sprouts and chouse
I catch your cologne
Performing ballet in my clothes
(I should have known)

You always enjoyed
Feeling the drumming of my empty heart
Pumping blood to five senses that dance
To the beat of broken abstract art

is this what a panic attack is?
a race horse instead of a heart
static numbness prickling fingertips
the weight of every insecurity sitting on my lungs
forcing a battle to be fought with every exhausting breath
spiders crawling to and from upon my spine
whispering my greatest fears
giggling at my mortality
weakness in every inch of my being
constantly under attack by my own body
my own traitorous body
hopelessness shredding my self worth
driving my fragile state into a frenzy

what might have been
if only the grass weren’t green

what might have been
if only the sky weren’t blue

what might have been
if the rainbow were in a different order

what might have been
if noah didn’t build his arc

what might have been
if gravity didn’t hold us down

what might have been
if light were darkness

what might have been
if darkness were light

what might have been
if death were life

what might have been
if life were death

what might have been
if you were still here

what might have been
if you never left

what might have been
if you loved me

what might have been
if you never stopped

as i lay here
it's impossible
not to think about the good times
you loved anything that rhymes

how you'd make me laugh
how your touch would tickle
with just a few words
hushed whispers so no one else heard

your hot breath brushing my ear
your contagious laughter
how we never ran out of things to say
your brilliance brighter than a summer day

but now it's too late
you've moved on
and i thought i had too
clearly that's too good to be true.