I think I miss you more in the company of others.

Where silences have to be filled and middle-grounds need to be established.
Where triggers have to be explained and things have to be shared.
(You know I hate sharing when it's not you, I share with.)

Where memories have to be created and trust has to be forged and love will pave way but my heart is already yours, and you’ve broken it in multifolds.

We stand at crossroads,
You ask me to let go,
And I want to say no.

I miss you
And most of me knows we’re over now,
but stay a little longer, Just until tomorrow.

The tomorrows will keep coming and one day I will let go.
Without me having to convince you into staying and you wanting to leave,
Why leave just yet?

What’s one more day in the grand schematics when I’ve held it together for years before,
Why not stay for another day, before we finally let go?

Soulmates and twin flames were lost on me
But I remember telling you about a red string,
A line that tied your toe to mine.

I heard a snip, then a snap.
Efforts to mend, always end in knots.

We're done
We're done.

We're done now.

I Remember, I was twelve.
It was the first time I stayed up the whole night.
Not because I could but because my friend said I couldn't.
Curled with a book, stifling yawn after yawn.
I watched the sun rise
So elated. So naive.
Afterall who'd willingly pass up on sleep if not a child.

I remember I was twelve
Escaping clutches of sweet sleep.
Six years later I lay in bed,
Struggling to call the sleep I pushed away.
Staring aimlessly, frustrated,
screaming into a pillow, clutching it tightly.
6:40am IST
My eyes sting and relentless tears stream from them falling like caresses on my cheek.
I twist, I turn.
I try and try some more,
Then slowly succumb to boredom,
Seeking the sleep I hid from.

I moved on.

We're millions out here
divided and split.
We keep hearing, we're ultimate,
all powerful.

Branded terrorists for being better citizens.
Powerless, Punished, Brutalised to succumb.
Stripped off honour for questioning to right the wrong's will.

We're out here in millions
running a blind race
Robbed of individuality.
Running, just to stay safe.

Standing in millions
counting days, taken for granted, number's sake.
We're many things
lassoed beneath many other names

Tomorrow's citizens, the growing population
Students.
Tomorrow's citizens, the growing population

You,
are the freshness to my wind rustling through trees,
Psthurism.
You,
are the essence of to my love song,
Like repeated falling of crashing waves.
You,
are the intensity to my ocean,
Its depth and beauty immeasurable like the sky.
You,
and I are the two halves,
of the same coin.

March 17th 2017
Wondering,
if the universe flinched,
when God took you away.
- Dakota

She walks with her head down,
Tucking loose strands.
Wishing heavens would pull her up.
Or if the earth could just
Open up.
She wished for flames to leap
And engulf her silently.
Or if the seas would be kind
Enough, and drown her.

None of the above happened.

Only three nights ago,
She heard the
Man she trusted with her secrets
Say
“It wasn’t you but me”
Her core was on fire
They fell down as tears

So much practice,
no use at all.
She holds on tight,
tears still fall.

She stood at that metro
Station,
Walking in circles
Aimlessly.
Overwhelmed, in
Thought.
Her mascara dripped
Leaving streaks
On her fine
cheeks.

“Sorry?” she gasped
Cold fingers
Brushed her arms
The audacity of
this stranger!
She was in awe.

“Are you.. okay”
She asked  

A different someone
This outsider was.
She really wanted to
Interfere.
Longed to wipe the
Former’s tears

Her brown eyes were refuge
to curiosity.
Familiarity and comfort
lingered in air.

Her shattered soul
slowly perked up.
Like a child facing
Christmas delights

And hopes might have
Been restored
If,
Caution tapes
Hadn’t been enforced.


The little collision,
Kept resurfacing
Playing over and over
Like a
Malfunctioning cassette

A small smile, began to peek
The heart broken girl
had killed it.
Obviously.
There was no way,
She was getting
Played ever
Never again.

Plenty of mishaps
Were at hand,
The Queen of hearts,
Had hers smashed.
Fooled by the court clown
What a scam.
No more chances
Will be given.

With all due respect
Look alike
Prince Charming’s
Were requested,
to rot in hell.




-----

Numerous days passed by.
No more than a courteous smile.

And then one day,
Numbers were exchanged,
plans were made.
Under the moon light, they laughed away
Mutual friends, acquaintances,
The friend’s friend, The friend’s dog
A party from two years ago,
Everything was spoken of.

Suddenly they were a team,
Inseparable they seemed

April 22nd 2018
Three sixty five days and a little more
since, the very beginning

In her arms
Wrapped tightly.
With each exhaling breath,
The rhythm played soft.
Their breaths hard, a little fast

She knew she belonged
right there.
Pressed against this girl,
In a fierce embrace,
Nebula gawked,
falling asteroids stopped,
"This is home" one said
And so it felt

The dyad knew
Fondness and love
Had followed
Them through

Hence
began a new chapter

Lady luck
was pleased,
Destiny beamed.
Stars were the only
Evidence
What a perfect
Symphony.


August 16th 2018

Suddenly they were
Far too gone,
Lost in an abyss,
Dancing a Languorous
Dance.  
Healing scars her
Exes carved
She fell in love
With this Girl.

The one who called
Her,
Her forever.


-----

Onset of late
summer drizzle.
Social controversies
Began..

“What a disgrace you’ve
Caused!”
Her father
thundered,
“What will Mrs Sharma
say!!?”
Her mother wondered.

Minds were made
An ultimatum
was declared.
Dramatics took
A whole new turn,

One other argument
Hidden behind the
Poised, hand knit
Kashmiri curtains.

October 16th2018

Two months since
The big emotional
Stunt.

What could they do,  
The Girls were
Confused.  

Afraid to lose their
Bond due to
So called ethical ways.
They fought, and
Fought.
Might have waged a
war.

A million paper cuts
Were all that returned.

December  1st 2018

It had been a year
And 4months since,
The LQBTQ law
had passed
Yet two woman
Were torn apart

One other love story
Lost a happy ending.
curtsey of a
“Modern civilization”

The battle was done
Dust had settled.

And thus ends
One other narrative.

How would it be,
to be anyone but me?
A falling rain drop,
Part of the mighty sea.
How would it be,
to be anything but me?
A moth drawn to a flame.
Willing to burn down,
fall into abyss.
How would it be,
to be anything but me?
A little grape that makes
hennessy.
Addicting, filled with toxicity.
How would it be,
to be anything but me?
a withering leaf,
paving way to a new tree.
How would it be,  
to be anything but me?
Someone's priority.
maybe a snowflake?
at least a piece of cake.
How would it be to be,
anything but me?
A happy someone,
In a happy somewhere?

My body shudders
as my hands shake.
I'm crying I'm crying.
I'm crying again.

My senses are flooding
as my eyes sting.
I'm crying, I'm crying.
I'm crying again.

My heart is screaming
limbs stay frozen.
I'm crying, I'm crying.
I'm crying again.

Set me on fire,
burn me down.
Do me a favour,
I want out.

I'm crying I'm crying.

I'm tired of crying again.

Gravity, is matter's response to loneliness.
            

* ~Emily Chu 'The Half of It".

Gradients of grey,
me in dismay.
Another random day
my heart had a harder day.

Tinges of teal
You keep walking over me.
After all I mean nothing,
mere fallen leaves.

Scarlet showers,
Scar my soul.
Was fear, a stupid confession,
Or you being the reason?

Blinding black nights,
engulfing bright lights.
Wish I could say,
a polite good bye.

Sipping on Hennessy.
dripping with greed.

Every decision I made,
means to mess with me.

Don't need no shots,
Are n't you competent substitute.

You get me high
tripping with jealousy.

My little flask of poison,
why is thou,
so intoxicating?

I gave you a gun.

pressed it to my heart.

You held the trigger

to what was mine.

It should nt be surprising

that i got shot.

Rather hilarious all that was

I m delirious for thinking otherwise.

I was too comfortable,
My privillages we just oxygen.
I m losing it all now,
And I feel dead already.

And once again,
I forgot to breathe looking at you,
Once again forgot all that I had to say,
then remembered it all,
But, you had left by then.