and one day I took the wrong route home
in darkness I walked for way too long
through the valley of death
I heard a angel sing a song
I felt afraid because I was alone
two wings and two horns were shown
I tried to hurry along
but the path I had taken was gone.

day by day
I search for the way.

which way to go
I do not know.

time passes by
little by little I die.

They tell me don't give up
so again I try.

but why?

I went searching the other day
for the love we lost
The price I paid for pride
wasn't worth the cost
shaking your time, energy, and effort off
dismissing you as an employee as If I were boss
the struggle between man and woman
the fights, fussing and cussing
poured down on our loving
vulnerable hearts, left open, no covering
what went wrong?
is all I'm left wondering.

It's not much
or very satisfying anymore
truth is...
our love has become a chore.

It's not fulfilling
or very enticing any longer
food for thought...
I still suffer from loves hunger.

knock knock, love are you there?
How did we get to here?
where neither of us seems to care
hope, passion, dreams and pleasure we no longer share...

when I'm here or there
I wish to go home
but at home, I'm alone.

when I'm with you,
I wish you were gone
but when you are gone, I feel so alone.

songs play on the radio for so long
sweet melodies excite my lonesome bones,
but even enjoying music I am still alone.

at work I think of you
and all the nasty things we do

clock in clock out
your body knows what I'm talking about

9 am your desire I awake
minutes to hours it takes

at 12 I'll have you for lunch
I'll heat it up with my warm touch

5 pm and it's time to go
you ask me to stay----but no

wait yes-----
I could use this over-time ***

busy
busy
busy
so I can keep from dealing with me

me
me
me
I'm a mess you see

busy me
me busy
this life of mine is not easy

eye smile
replaying your laugh
like a angels song

eye smile
missing your touch
now since it's gone

eye smile
picturing those windows of gold
for a night, your heart you let me hold

now eye wanna cry
remembering how you left me
without saying *good-bye

look at me good
don't get this misunderstood

we are not same
I am not here to entertain

we are different -----is all I can say
and that is okay

cherry pie is warm and all
and wood is hard and tall
I tripped on lust
what a fall!

confused emotions
witches potion
lost in motion
strange notion.

tainted thoughts I'm closing
old flames I'm hosing
hand picked by God
time to start living like I'm chosen!

regret drowns me at night
doubts dance with fright
my bark is loud but not my bite
I try to run, flight or fight!

I may give up,
I just might
adulthood? I don't see the hype
especially when darkness outshines the light.

let me love you before you say no
let me please you before you go
let me kiss your mouth before you talk
wrap those legs around me before you walk.

touch me before you leave
make me beg make me plead
grant my wish, fulfill my need
follow me to my bedroom, as I lead.

please stay!
come back my way...
sorry is all I have to say
for breaking your heart yesterday.

his touch
I wish was yours.
his kiss
I desire no more.
his skin
I want to end.
your body
I want to let in.
look at me,
I'll show you where to begin.
close those eyes,
prepare to sin.
let me take you to paradise
since you've never been.

I told myself you were out of my lead
a favorite book I could not read
this was no want, but a serious need
forbidden fruit I wanted to nibble to the last seed.

You came over and took a seat
then you seduced me, you **** freak
we became a secret I could not keep
but I didn't say a word, not one peep.

I told you I loved you
you knew then I was weak
so you ignored me for an entire week
I gave you pleasure and you made me weep.

I remember that night
like I remember my name
you were a game
I wanted to play
but I played it cool
calmly I lay
as you touched my body
and kissed my face
we did not rush
we did not race
that night was truly beautiful
blessed by your *grace

your face has become a flame
burning my lips when I speak your name.

your touch was no longer nice
choking me like spice.

your scent is no longer missed
like your salty kiss.

I'm done being your little freak,
now I'll spite you like a poetry creep.

your ocean wasn't even that deep
although I enjoyed riding that wave.

you, my love.... I no longer crave
in fact I've taught temptation how to behave.

with you
I was searching for fire
someone to admire

In me you found a beautiful liar,
and you were the prettiest dead flower

with you
I was looking for magic
instead I found someone so tragic.

with you
I found gold under a rainbow

but a love as deep as the ocean
I still did not know.

so I refused to follow.
hesitant of heartbreak as I passed GO.

I am jealous of the sun
because it gets to touch you for fun.

I am jealous of the heat
because your knees, it makes weak.

I am jealous of the breeze
because your body, it gets to tease.

I am jealous of the summer,
because you love her
and I want to be your only lover.

life in the winter
is much simpler.

I cheated in July
then told a lie.

the summer is hot
but for your *** is hotter.

but I'm dumb in lust,
and in love you're smarter.

lust has become my job
its makes me sing
as sin makes me sob.

for love, bodies I rob
hit after hit
I belong to the mob.

lust has become a game
not playing is crazy
the end is truly insane.

A beautiful beast
they all want to tame
all for fun, all for fame.

How at night I wish it was day
at day I wish to fade away
sleep forever at the beach
body floating alongside the bay

I wish to be unavailable
when my demons ask me to come out and play
people will claim to miss me
but that's what they are expected to say

tired of feeling this much
tired of life's burning touch
I crave numbness, I need that rush
so let me escape and don't cry mama----just hush

love and laughter we enjoy now
this will end, I'm sure how.

bodies we shared
bed defiled.

the game wasn't fair
too many fouls.

when it's over I'll die inside
but flash a smile.

then I'll apologize
and take a bow.

I've stumbled upon danger
exciting yet detestable
I can't help but breathe anger

unable to indulge or enjoy
like the day after Christmas
losing your favorite toy

girls are jealous
brave are boys
love I've lost

*time destroyed

God has taken the taste
yet addiction,
I still chase.

My last few dollars,
I willingly give to waste.

I call it my crave case
when it hits,
it like landing on first base.

Its not home,
I'm not safe
I'm out when I meet him face to face.

pills to sleep
now I don't eat.

pills for anxiety
now I don't act like me.

pills for mood
so I don't seem rude.

pills for that
pills for this...

They'll forever be my friend
until I no longer exist.

as a dog returns to his *****
so I return to sin.

He's always waiting for me,
asking where I been.

He claims to love me
more so than kin.

I will leave him one day father,
just not sure when.

Woe to her with a daughter.
men just play this love thing smarter,
and us women, well we just love harder.

Blessed is the she who bores a son,
I was born with a heart
but surely I'll die without one.

one man
two man
sin

three men
four men
when?

five six
heartbreak feels like bricks

I fell for his tricks,
I asked for love, he gave me d**k.

another body,
now I'm sick.

temptation knows me by name
she calls me clearly,
I know what she's saying.

she sings pretty melodies
attempting to lure me away from family
but I play blind, her tricks I refuse to see.

back against the wall,
I'm cornered, compromised...
I scream "what do you from me?"

with a smirk,
she says, this is where I ought to be
defeated by dark magic, I become *we

regrets pile up in my closet
dreams disappear, as I forget what they meant.

fortune no longer comes my way
blessings are no longer sent.

the love boogeyman
haunts me from under my bed.

as I replay every heartbreak
in my broken head.

Lord,
Do you hear me cry
If so, can you tell me why?
why do these tears swim In my soul
Tell me father, tell me you know.

Jesus,
Do you feel my pain?
Do you remember my name?
haven't heard from you in so long,
beginning to think this life thing is a game....

A game I'm losing,
yet it's you I'm choosing
still I suffer the worse
this is all too confusing!

dear cupid,
did I ignore you when you wanted to play?
starved you and sent you own your way?
perhaps, I broke you heart...
or rejected your love?
perhaps I never noticed you floating above...

maybe I didn't play with you when we were young?
maybe you think I'm too rigid?
Incapable of fun.
Whatever it is,
Deep down I am Sorry,
but cupid you must understand,
*I need somebody

at 25 I wait to die
family and friends are worried,
they ask me why?
teardrops have run dry
frozen emotion won't let me cry
I say I'll try
but that's a lie
so long my loves
this is bye. bye. bye.
lord have mercy
my. my. my

my heart cries out, telling me it's too late.
I ignore her.
heartbreaks, I can no longer take.

she continues to broadcast my mistakes,
my eyes burn with regret
she know how to make me upset.

punishment is my mind
suffocating me for all the wasted time.
soon, I too am crying.

there after, I am dying
7 minutes of life before me
before I begin flying.

*brighter the sun begins to shine
love and procrastination
was my only crime.

why did I grow up so fast?
to have responsibilities beat my ***.
why did I skip class?
to only cheat life and still come in last.
why did I rush my youth?
only my childhood knows the truth.

I can take a punch
an insult
a offense
but my life makes no sense.

I can handle heartbreak
but loneliness I can not take
7 billion humans on earth
and solitude is my fate.

woe to man who created pills
they give me chills
they make me feel
take too many they'll make you ill
they deceive my fantasies
their thrill is real

woe to the man who made **** pills
with every one I take,
a piece of me is killed.

I don't think I will be loved this lifetime
no one will claim me and says she's mine.

I don't think loneliness will ever leave my side
he's my husband, and I'm his bride

I don't think intimacy is something Ill achieve
they will get too close, and I will fearfully leave.

I only wish someone was brave enough to stop my self-destruction
after all I'm just a delicate woman child in need of severe loving.

I run I run I run away
I may stop if I make it to Heaven one day
I hope heavens gates have no escape...
because I'll run some more
until I feel safe.

I listen to sad songs
on replay.

my insides are dead
but I play life during the day.

I smile to stop words
that I anticipate people might say...

like how are you doing?
**fine i say, but lies I am chewing

I waste so much time
it should be crime.
hole in pockets
I'm worth a dime.
social media to watch others shine.
I need a hobby that pays,
I'm not lying.

cigarettes
and perfume,

and minty gum,
smoking is bittersweet fun.

perfume to cover the smell.
I doubt perfume could keep me from
*HELL

a scent of repent
regret
angry with myself,
upset.

They put money on me,
I lost their bet.

Now I'm in need,
alone with my black hat.

hate to say
I've lost my way.

I knew this would happen,
just wasn't sure what day.

"please don't bother!"

"I'm someone's daughter...."

he didn't care

YOUR HONOR I AM GUILTY OF MANSLAUGHTER.

If I have a son
I'll name him Numb
probably wasn't prepared for him,
a product of being dumb.

If a daughter is born,
I'll curse the world
For this life has no place
for precious little girls.

like the sun
and the moon

I am gone to soon.

like the stars
and the sky

I am much to high.

Like the earth herself,
I am too unsteady.

I will soon die,
hope the universe is ready.

The cool bitter breeze
Rubs against my face
Head back, mouth open
I embrace the taste.

For somewhere in the world,
You are doing the same.
I close my eyes
To remember your name.

I recall the passion,
And regret the pain
You stole my tears, now I hate rain
Even still, you're not to blame.

Oh my Wicked flame
You let me burn
I'm not mad, because I had to learn
But now the tables have turned...and

Hell says you're wanted
*It's now your turn

Every night I tuck my demons in tight
Warm and cozy, they hold me just right
Tears from the day fall from my face
My demons are friendly,
As they wipe them away.

Once they are sound asleep,
I creep down to pray.
Hoping they leave, I can't afford for them to stay.

I awake to find them long gone..
I rejoice!! But then I remember,
They will always find their way home.

White smoke
I slowly inhale
for I am in no rush to
make it to HELL.