If we can make magic with our mouths
and enhance them with the strings
strung onto a piece of wood

If we can pull the strings that move our lips
and the strings that create our sound

If we can weave our strings together
into a perfect triple harmony


The world will be perfect
as the string of immortality
that never gets tangled...

Sing with me

The question is, what flame are you referring to...?

I wouldn't know, would I?

The shattered glass that surrounds my eyes
helps me to see clearer

who knew tears
were the best prescription

I don't think I truly ever knew love fully until I realized my terror at your heartbeat faltering for only half a second during an hour long embrace.

In a world full of
                                                                ­                l
                                               ­                            y
                                                               ­       i
                                                        ­                 n
                                                               ­                g

                  I am growing increasingly fond of
                                                              ­                  b
                                             ­                              l
                                                               ­      u
                                                               ­ n
                                                           t
                                                      n
       ­                                           e
                    ­                         s
                                         s
                                      .

I just want someone
to hold my hand
guard my heart
keep me safe
and tear me apart

Rip open my heartstrings
scathe my whole mind
be in my heart
and turn me blind

I want a love that makes me whole
but rips me open to
the venerability of a life
where caution is through

Haven't you noticed
that I'm not like them?
You're taken
-believe me, I know-
but she's not any different
from those you yourself
despise with your whole being

I feel things
I know how you operate
Messages portrayed through
a screen like this
mean less than spoken word
but what if I
could speak with
the pentameter of
a keyboard....

Your eyes shine brighter
that the bright white light
that emanates from my
electronic book
of wonders
yet I do not understand
how you don't
feel it too

We are both tweaked
a bit lost
and a bit lonely
Need a place
a loving face
and I think for you
I could be
the one

We need not weapons.

Speak.

And daggers will fly,
Lifting from your scratched penmanship
And we will conquer all.

I had twenty
Beautiful souls
Following mine in a line
To a crooked, poetic summit

But two were lost along the way....
What have I done?
My leadership
Is crumbling.......
The peak is still so far away....

We were better off together.

The late night conversations, the happiness, the snuggling into the covers ad sighing at sweet messages from a dimly lit screen

We were better off paired, like jeans--who wants only one leg?

The intake of breath when our eyes met, the constant need to be touching in some way, the flurry of butterflies we gave to each other

We were better off squared, where we could always protect each other

And now I'm left to wonder--do you feel as raw as I do?

Rawer and more exposed than I've ever felt, yet little to do to remedy it....I want that second layer wrapped around me.

But when I reach for it....it's never there.

Just because these letters are the only way for me to express myself at the moment
doesn't mean that my
lips couldn't do
just as much
justice

Unblock, unblock,
I'm dying just to unblock...
Take stock, take stock,
of what's been said of me.

But unblock, unblock,
I'll never ever unblock
Or take stock, take stock
of what's been ailing me.

what is this feeling
lurking around within the confines
of my head
and my heart

its not numb
but it is neither happy nor sad
it is hope for later
it is hurt from earlier
it is undefinable
what is this feeling?
is there a name?

I can brush my feelings away
down, down, into the dust
But they'll always come back to play
and to create more rust.

Under the rug, that's where they go
but never do chance to stay,
because they know they've got more hold
if they take hold in my brain.

All the words I want to poetize have already been spun

the silence is deafening

your heart is like stone

what else am i to say?

i feel so
unoriginal

i'm like that scarf i made in third grade.
i'd just learned to knit, was cocky, confident.
the yarn wasn't that expensive, the plastic needles were shiny and made me feel professional.
i could make something all my own, i had the ability.
knitting it was easy.
watching movies, listening to music, laying in bed.
my fingers never ceased weaving in and out, in and out.
soon it was finished, and i wove it around my neck instead.

and only when i needed it most did i realize there was a missed loop in the first row of stitches.

and it caught on a branch, and my scarf was suddenly back to square one, a mess of tangled yarn meshed with the winter snow.

and i was cold.

just one mistake...and it unraveled everything.

so much work.

so little time.

metaphor?

try to unsee the horrors you've dealt me, the crosses burnt into my thighs.
then ask yourself...
did you ever really care?

Pinning my tongue to my cheek
with needles of ice and strife,
I grow weaker every week
Thinking of my dead life.

Happiness is all I vie for
with the strength of thousands of men
................

my mind is too boggled with emotions to rhyme,
and as it turns out, it's a waste of time

she's not going to read me, or want me, or find
that I'd give up everything for the sake of her mind

what she never will quite understand
is that I'll never leave her, let go of her hand

even as a friend if I'm doomed to stay,
I'll be happy for the sake of today

cause it means she'll be happy, and that's quite a lot...
and mine's nothing in compare. With hers? It's not.

Don't you think it'd be ludacris if
Kissing you wasn't everything
That made my world spin?

You misread my meaning.

if the daisies told you to make your own decisions,
would you?
if the rosebuds asked politely for you to be yourself,
would you?
if the hydrangea bush pled for you to think your own thoughts,
would you?

i am lost in a myriad
of tangled, tangled
forsythia;
for shame,
you told me not to write strong sentiment,
that my drafts were best left in the drawer.
scared am I of that thorny vise,
but they're not drafts anymore.

That moment when his speech lilts to a stop
and his irises darken
-just slightly-

and we stare...
breaking that sacred silence
is so hard....

But he can't stare at me like I want to stare at him.
I'm not worthy of that lavish attention.

"You have the most beautiful hazel eyes!"

My eyes are dark brown.

itches        p
tingling u    p
my spine, u       p
my tall frame, u           p
the rest of my body, u

up.

until they have nowhere to go
but to nestle in my head

Today, I'm going to try not to expect too much...

I don't like chocolate, but I would love your time...

what you don't realize is there
until you don't have control of the wheels under you
and you're forced to look back at your deeds

There is a sort of twisted art
                                            *to letting go

sometimes I wonder why i bother because sometimes it's so easy to just hold it all in, you know, like a tidal wave that pulls back so far that the power it finally unleashes is more pent up and crazy, but that's the thing see i don't want to unleash i don't want to destroy i want to create i want to feel i want to be i want to hold in my hands the way to keep myself whole my identity my very being that i keep trying so hard to find in other people and realizing i have to make myself but it just pulls me down when i know who i am finally and realize that i want to give part of that away but i cant i cant i just want to slice off a piece for you to keep safe and away from my impulses and fears but somehow that's too hard because if you saw how repulsive the real me really is i think you'd honestly run and hide and i don't know if i could take that not here not now and maybe not even ever just simply because you're too far in now you're too huge a part of my life to just up and leave and since the decision lies in my hands i'm so torn because i want you and i want you to stay but inside is all the tearing which i thought had been let go you said you had let me go like i had let you go it wasn't a matter of being able to but rather of giving the other person the leave to begin again, to not be selfish and let them start over and she took it from me and i don't know how to keep going because i'm still ******* in the past and trying to lasso the future and how does the correspondence even work when i just want to live but can't because i see it every day and think of that every night and the two just don't mix like oil and water they pool away from each other and that's frankly the only reason that i can't claim right now that i am or ever will be whole.

Absolutely no way around it anymore.....
What if I told you I loved you?

Basically, I was born to be yours.
Babe, don't be a stranger.........

You couldn't conceive
How careless you come off
When I'm crying for attention
But you can't reciprocate.....
Priorities.

Don't deny your desperation for me, darling.
Don't you think it's decent of me to decry you of your dire need in return?

Even though every thought in its entirety eventually wears me down....
I could never entice myself into ever letting you go.

Forever I'll find myself falling for a figure I fear I won't see for another few months....
You can feign disinterest, but fair love fights all....and wins.

Give me my godly gain....Gables of green won't guise my tremor for the guilt I feel.....Give it to me.

Happy am I when I happen to hear your voice....how on earth am I to hold on to life when I hate being alone, not with you?

I think your initiating initial moves entails, indubitably, an interesting turn of events.....I want to investigate you. Initiate that for me?

Just another moment....just a little more time. The most sacred letter of the alphabet.....just j.

Keep kissing me.......the kind of love that is unrequited keeps me going......even though yours isn't.

you'd never think it'd be normal to be afraid of shoelaces but here i am like you have no idea how much desperation it takes to think you know i could totally use these as a noose, knot them there, tie them here... it's absolutely ridiculous and the morning after you've destroyed your thigh and then wondered why like what exactly is it that's going on in my head i know there's a six year old napping and coloring whom no one believes exists and i know i'm in there somewhere even though i have no idea who that is or where they came from i just know that they're buried in there somewhere and tighter tighter tighter tie me tighter i just wanna escape it all and i know it's just part of life to live through and it will make me stronger at least that's what I normally tell other people but how much of a hypocrite am i if i can't even control what goes on in my head or believe my own words how can i act how can i drink how can i sleep how can i live without some sort of control i mean i can control how deep i cut and how many times but I can't control a six year old's temper tantrums and sudden urges to color and I can't control the minds of people around me who matter but don't believe my words when I guess I haven't given them much reason to trust me in the first place but i mean haven't i given you enough in the first place by living and not dying when you leave me alone in my room at night with nothing but my headphones you trust me to not **** myself when i cannot talk to whom i need and get what i need from my very own parents because they won't even listen so how can i even begin here and now choke it's getting harder to breathe and i can't stop staring at my shoes and wondering if the starchy strands would make a good necklace and if a doorknob is high up enough and i know it seems like i wouldn't go through with this but i swear i would and it's not for attention it's an escape an escape from reality and what i'm facing i know i have no backbone and that i'm a total wimp and that there's no way to get through your problems other than to face them but i feel too weak too leechy too overdone i've been left in the oven too long i'm burnt and charred the light rememberance of a human being too cowardly and weak to stand and maybe the six year old part of me sputter is becoming me and i have no control over that either and all i can do is just sit here and breathe in and out and in and out but i don't really feel it and my heart isn't in it though my lungs are for the moment and i really just really want to die.

everyone says to have virtues
but how can i
when everyone's are different

i suppose i'll just bang my head on the keys
and become a composer instead

I can manipulate my vocal cords to sound sweet as a bird's chirping
or croon like Ella Fitzgerald
or hum like a buzzing machine

but hand me a notepad
defaced with the scrawl
of words....

and they'll break

is watching raindrops easier from heaven?
perhaps if they're still streaming down my cheeks
it'll be easier
from up higher

How can I wait for something that I cannot see, a wisp of the imagination that flies through my life unwanted and untouched?
How can my eyes discipline themselves to hold on to hope for the one thing that will open them and set their visage free?
How?
The white darkens- I can feel but none and can do but one thing.
**Wait.

"If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear to you that we can make this last."
You never specified how long of a wait....
....it took you a month and a half.
And for what?
The end of us
was over the phone
anyways

Within the confines of the
flesh pulsating
dotted with fragments of lace
and ripped, smoldering
remains of valentines
from years ago

new year, new me.
old year, old me.

why can't i separate my problems, one from the other?
they just carry over.

I sound like him; we write poetry the same
and the silk flows from our lips creating a road
to the unknown dustiness that is passion.
we are splattered paint.

i am negative like her; we expect too much
from ourselves and from others in such
a fashion as to make our lives and those of others
completely and totally miserable.

i am the lone feather drifting into the weathered
blue green sheet that is the ocean.

the question is whether i will sink
or i will float.

shaking, shaking,
all i know is shaking
quaking, quaking,
you warned me and i'm scared

She told me no against my lips
I accepted

She told me maybe through a screen
I shivered

She told me yes through confusion
I waited

She told me goodbye
*I broke

Pulling you in
can't be any harder

what is it I can do
to mend the stitches
that are deteriorating within your heart

that beautiful heart, the only one
I will ever want
At least, I think so

I'm not kidding myself
I've wanted you forever, it seems

Will you open up to me?
I'm not going to play games

I'm not going to coyly text back half an hour after you contact me
I won't participate in bashing exes
And I won't wreak revenge on anyone who has ever hurt you

We are starting clean
and with that, there's hope

for you, that your heart can be mended and loved the way it truly deserves- would that I can do it justice

and for me.

That I can finally, for once, get what I want

*I'll come around
If you ever want to be in love
I'm not waiting
But I'm willing if you call me up

In the middle of the night
But he's not there
Only my alarm clock
blink, blink

Looking for the arms
He had around me
Just seconds before
blink, blink

But he's not there
And I drift back into unconvinced mourning until the morning.

Dreams never last, do they?