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xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
I just get frustrated easier now.
Now that I'm enrolled in constant therapy for three weeks coming.
Now that I've been suicidal for a month.
Now that I'm at this point in my life.

Ugh. Don't listen to me.
Keep your sanity intact.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
Leave me in my own abyss.
I've been thrown plenty of ropes, trust me.
But it's hard not to use them
to create my own noose, you know?
Leave me be, then.
Not like anything will change.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
Numbness seeps through my being like a chemical, tainting all it touches.
Do you deny me the wish I have to feel something, to feel alive, no matter the feeling?
Anger me.
Frustrate me.
Make me sad.
I could care less.
I just want to feel something
and your words
regardless of their sentiment
may be exactly the cure
I am looking for.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
Meet my words with your own, make me feel something again.
Is it blunt of me to wish
you'd write me a

Once more, just once.

Write to me, and help me feel.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
I don't want to learn.
I don't want to get over making mistakes
because without making them
I never would have experienced
what it was like
to feel like
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
I'm picky. I like who I like, and that region does NOT include everyone, far from it.

Maybe my selectiveness is my downfall, it leaves me alone more often  than not.

But do you deny me my wish
to be wanted
to be loved
to belong

I had never fallen that hard
And no, I've never classified my feelings as love
and the same applies there
but I can't help but wonder
what I did wrong

It keeps me up until the words aren't words anymore
but rather spikes behind my eyes
waiting to impale me
as soon as I know she's moved on.

I know it won't be hard for her, and that's not a jab at her amazing self.

I'm just too willing. And easy to forget.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
It was all my writing
my quotes, my scratches
they scared her, made her leave

WHO are you to tell me
everything will be alright
when I know for a fact it won't

if I wasn't so impulsive, so sentimental
if I didn't bleed my emotions
if I wasn't me

she would
have stayed
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
We were better off together.

The late night conversations, the happiness, the snuggling into the covers ad sighing at sweet messages from a dimly lit screen

We were better off paired, like jeans--who wants only one leg?

The intake of breath when our eyes met, the constant need to be touching in some way, the flurry of butterflies we gave to each other

We were better off squared, where we could always protect each other

And now I'm left to wonder--do you feel as raw as I do?

Rawer and more exposed than I've ever felt, yet little to do to remedy it....I want that second layer wrapped around me.

But when I reach for's never there.
just reminiscing about the past people....and how it's always ended the same. i can't help but think it's something i'm doing....
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
It wasn't your fault, so don't act like it was.
It isn't your problem, so don't act like it is.

And I'm not yours anymore...but don't automatically assume I hate you.
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
I know you're here.

But have you faded far enough
that your ears and eyes can't
hear me?

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