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xmxrgxncy May 2016
I suppose we could become legend.
Or we could weave ourslves a knoll
In which to rest
And one day
Maybe one day
We could.....
xmxrgxncy Feb 2016
Vents of pleasure choke my lips
From that awakening hour
Dewdrops alight on my lone hips
In a gentle, warm rainshower.
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
Don't bother playing with me
Don't you want to show up to church
In one piece?
xmxrgxncy Nov 2019
chlorine is toxic
hindsight is 20/20,
but i never should have kissed you
xmxrgxncy Apr 2016
Our relationship invoked
In me a feeling
I thought would help
Us rule
The world

There's no pride
In this shattered
Crown now
Is there?
xmxrgxncy Mar 2018
I wanted to visit the Alamo.
I wanted to see the cracked down walls, I wanted to walk where they had walked.
Christmas still vaguely lingered in the air, and they said they would take me there since they hadn't been and history is such a large portion of my interests.
I wanted to visit the Alamo.
I made excuses to not go. "I'm sick" or "I was going to hang out with my sister" or "You live here now, I'll go with you next visit". Somehow those tided them over until my plane ride back home.
I wanted to visit the Alamo.
They knew I had great plans of pictures and acquisition of knowledge and that this trip would only add to those if we had just gotten in the car and driven the hour to go, but I was too scared.
I wanted to visit the Alamo.
But you were too close. And you scared me away.
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
We are not always.

We are not forever.

We are not okay.

We are not fine.

We are human.

Always, because we cannot change our makeup.

Forever, because we cannot alter our DNA.

Okay, because we tend to drown ourselves a little.

Fine, because we have to make it through somehow.

Human, because that's how we were made.

And perfect, because we are made of imperfections.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
This raincloud
makes for an awful hat
xmxrgxncy May 2016
Well, considering my part time anorexic
All of 110 pounds,
That's good to hear.

Thank you.
xmxrgxncy Sep 2016
Hello, and welcome to my personal wormhole.
My depths of despair,
my heaven,
my escape,
my life.

Your terminology may vary.

But read yourself into the depths of your being when you see this:

My life. On a screen. On a page.

It may not be pretty, and it may be written like the homework of a kindergarten child in need of a penmanship lesson.

But here it is.

Enjoy my experiences, scream at the agony, laugh at the joy, all of it is here.

You once told me you could read me like a book.

Now is the time for you
to be checking
your answers.
BECAUSE HELLO AND *** I CAN'T BELIEVE I SENT YOU HERE>_<
xmxrgxncy May 2016
If you told me what you feel
Perhaps I could find a way
To reciprocate

But I think I'm too jaded
Too biased, too empty
To understand

Do you want me?
Not sure....
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
An angel, that is what I ought to be.

Instead, I lay in the posy fields outside the fence and dream of the life within.

Mama always says.

"Too inquisitive, too bright for her own good."

But Wandering Spirit, nomad bound to the gaseous winds that blow through our small region, this makes much more sense if you are going to try to title me.

Me, of all people.


But family, oh, family.

Why are you searching for them, when they reside in your heart?
xmxrgxncy Oct 2016
They say we can sense
hearing
smell
sight
touch
sound
taste

but what about danger?
love?
fear?

we can sense that someone is creeping up behind us
and sense that something bad is about to happen
can sense the change in the pressure in the air
and the need of someone else for a hug or kind word.

to say we have only five
is underestimating

but to say we have infinite?
we understand but few...
and that is why we teach five.
about the five senses. I'm just bored and that's what class is about so.....philosophy for the winXD
xmxrgxncy Jul 2020
and the wandering continues through abandoned boathouses where we hung up our words at night
soaked to the bone in emotion and despair yet clinging to the hope that tomorrow would bring smoother tides
how could we have known that silver only lasts for so long before it tarnished, and inspiration is nothing if not fleeting?
the wood of the docks is decaying now, along with dreams had in years past that got tangled up in our lines before we ceased trying to cast them anywhere anymore.
but I still watch the sunset every night and wonder what would’ve happened if we had gotten into our boats and never looked back.
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
My words
weren't meant
to scathe?
xmxrgxncy Jun 2016
What is it that I can do to impress you?

How much higher than gold do I need to strive for in order to earn your praise? How much higher of a mountain, how much higher of a grade?

What is there that I can improve upon that will entitle me to at least a  scant amount of your love?
xmxrgxncy Feb 2017
What right have you
to tell her she's not beautiful
to press her till she can't breathe
to make her believe she's nothing?

What right have you
to push her around
to deflate her self esteem
to carve her heart out?

What right?

None.

So *******.
xmxrgxncy Feb 2016
And life gets in the way
Tears aren't optional....
Not for me.

They're mandatory.
Haven't talked to him all day:/
xmxrgxncy Feb 2019
you've changed things- location is gone, all personality is gone.
no, we haven't talked in six months.
yes, i miss your company; does it have to be more complicated than that? i don't think so.
i'm worried.
are you overseas somewhere bound up after your last trip there for christmas?
are you at a completely different school and every time i walk past your classrooms i get anxious for no reason at all?
have you changed your hair, changed your major, changed the way you walk?
i can't find you, and i know deep down i don't need to.
but i wonder, and i worry.
where are you?
#w
xmxrgxncy Apr 2016
I'm so sorry
that I wrecked your car
trying to find
where the wild things are

I'm so disappointed
that my closet has a back
instead of Narnia
just some cold weather tack

I'm so hurt
that Middle Earth can't be explored
and the rolling hills
don't have little round doors

I'm so stricken
with the painful ail
that my reality
can't be my fairytale

Why is it
that someone else
got to decide this for me
instead of myself?
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
What classifies as a panic attack?

Maybe it's the breathing that escapes me when I think about the past, the future, but most of all, the present.

Maybe it's the horrible thoughts that stampede loudly through my head begging to be written out onto my skin.

Or maybe it's the inconstant shaking that decides it can be controllable only when it doesn't have to be.

I miss my little self.

She didnt panic over words, not like I do.
xmxrgxncy May 2016
Just because I can't sew my own shadow back on
doesn't mean that I have failed
For where the soap I use won't tack on
there's room for it to be nailed.

For one day I will be a being
that pillages and loots and harms
the hearts of many young girls that I'll be seeing
And my shadow will run from their arms.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
You can read my thoughts
blankly

and pretend to understand and sympathize
with what I write

But if you could summarize me
what words would you spin?

Who am I
to you?
write me a bio piece. This could get interesting.
xmxrgxncy Jan 2016
There's that one group of people, the ones who think they rule,
Who walk with purpose through the hallways at school
But who is there left
That is just like me?

A sinner, despondent, who's down on her knees
Fate laughs in her face and pushes her down
And tells her she never will gain renown

For her darling dearest is far far away
Even though a walk would take less than a day

Thoughts are preoccupied with education and uncanny lust
And the cogs in her brain are covered in gold rust...

Am I the only one who's still bereft?
If not then, I challenge....
Who's left?
Comment if you're still left out there....none of us are perfect. C'mon.
xmxrgxncy Sep 2015
Sometimes, I wonder why I’m even here.
Why I need to be. Why I have to be.
What purpose it there in these rusty gears
That have forgotten how to turn?
Who wants a bluebird that can’t sing,
A butterfly who has lost her wings?
And how the hell can I begin to live
When all I do is crash and burn?

It hits me.
Without warning, without a sound.
Sometimes, I don’t even know it’s there.
But it is.
Weaving itself like a web through the crevices of my soul,
It infiltrates me. And it knows me.
It knows my weaknesses, my fears, my failures.
It knows it can manipulate me quicker than I know how to deal with it.
And it knows that it will win.

How can I let it win?
I’m trying, really, I am.
But it would be better
If I just understood
Why.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
I don't like the feeling of
My affections for another
Fading into an abyss

When time is your enemy
You have two choices
Race the hands
Or get crunched

Perhaps one day
I'll understand just why
Those flowers we keep on the counter
Wilt so very fast.
xmxrgxncy Feb 2016
Wishing
Is just dreaming
With your eyes open
Just mindless posting...
xmxrgxncy Dec 2016
how many times do i have to tell you
to leave me
be

it really hurts to see myself continually
hurting you when you
could leave

i ask you all the time to just let me go
and let me wither
in peace

why
looks like plant imagery is just becoming a thing now. my birds have flown.
xmxrgxncy Jul 2018
it's no small wonder, watching birds learn to fly.

there's a small nest on the ledge outside my dorm window, and the chirping of the mothers wakes me up on the earliest of days. i'd be lying if i said i was overjoyed at the occurence, especially on the days when i have early class.
but then came the babies.

like me, they were cold and afraid in a completely new environment.
like me, they were scared to death of every person walking by.
like me, they had no clue how to fly.
but like me, they learned.

i live somewhere else now, and still get woken up by the birds. i can't help but wonder sometimes if they're the babies that learned to fly on the ledge outside my room around the same time that i did, stroke by wobbly stroke through the turbulent air. it's amazing how much they've grown. i'm so proud of them.

likewise, i'm proud of myself. i made it through the first year of college-bad grades, no friends, drama, and adjusting to being by myself a lot was a really hard transition. once i left the nest, that was it. and it was terrifying. but i've learned to fly since those days, and despite a badly paying job, no friends in the area, and being down on myself, i'm still hovering above the ground. that's no small accomplishment.

it's no small wonder, watching birds learn how to fly.
college narrative, i guess. it's crazy how things have come full circle, and how i've begun to look back on high school and miss what good experiences i had there(even though a lot about college is fantastic). i had blocked it and the people involved out of my mind for so long that i had almost forgotten how hard of a career high school was. while i'm glad it's over, it's interesting looking back on it from a mature perspective. i made so many bad choices. i can only hope the way i'm living now remedies those choices as best as they can. living holding onto grudges and old hurt is the hardest thing i had to learn to let go of, but it can only make your entire life toxic. and i'm still growing.
xmxrgxncy Oct 2016
your words hurt
more than any punch i'm scared you'll throw
your glare is sharp
but not as deadly as the pentameter you hurl

why yell at me
let loose on me
when I knew I had done something wrong?

why  be forceful
why be rash
when I was already hurting enough?
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
Why is it that spoken word holds more weight
than written word?

If I threatened to tear you limb from limb, you'd be more terrified than if I left that note at your door.

The words would ring in your ears until your mind fell apart...
xmxrgxncy Dec 2016
I wish i had the strength to say
what i do quoth in rhyme,
but someday i will look away
and show my words in time.

So welcome my arms instead of words
and my lips instead of letters,
for nothing is surer than this is sure
that i'll show instead of speaking better.
i hate my poetry lately. oh ******* well.
xmxrgxncy May 2016
If I ever displeased you
Would you fight me with words?

Would you pin me down with pentameter?

Curiosity, I'm afraid, gets the best of me....
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
This emptiness makes me want to write
a song, a poem
i could care less

I want to write something that will make someone feel something

what if i were to write

goodbye
xmxrgxncy May 2016
Can I please
Take the liberty
Of ringing your bell
Once
More

Ask me
And I'll tell you
I need the life
Stored within the parting
Of your lips
That I've never seen

Help me
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
Wait
to
                                        y

                        l
f
xmxrgxncy Sep 2020
falling through an infinity of
void after void after void after
a day of screaming into a screamless
tryst that can only end in an all
consuming blankness that puts us
right back where we began
xmxrgxncy Jan 2020
this is just to say that i'm sorry

sorry for holding my coffee cup that way, and not your hands

sorry for letting the rain kiss my cheeks, but not your lips

sorry for wearing my perfume, instead of your jacket

it's just that i feel more alone

when we are together
xmxrgxncy Jan 2016
Yesterday, my life was almost wished from my body
Into the unknown
By the very person who inhabits it.
But that was yesterday.
I am alive....
today.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
You
obviously
                    love
                                   O                                 A     c   Y
                                         b     s t   I       N
You
xmxrgxncy Sep 2016
You
What if I were to tell you that what I deserve
makes up only a pinch of
you that makes up
you?

One day, perhaps, I can show you
what exactly it is that makes
you so alluring, so
you.

But until then,
arms. Please.
Only the arms from
you.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
It was all my writing
my quotes, my scratches
they scared her, made her leave

WHO are you to tell me
everything will be alright
when I know for a fact it won't

if I wasn't so impulsive, so sentimental
if I didn't bleed my emotions
if I wasn't me

maybe
she would
have stayed
xmxrgxncy May 2017
You said you loved me.
But I took that mask off a long time ago.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
...and since you aren't here to receive this prize, I'll simply stow it away for later.

How many more weeks do you want me to repeat this? My heart is getting tired of staying in my chest, since that's not where it belongs.
#m

— The End —