dark rooms,
dim lights,
both bare

kissing, caressing
engulfing and lavishing
their lover's touch

too afraid that it would be their last
too driven by the ecstasy of being together once more

Have you ever stopped yourself from crying
that your whole body is shaking so much
Your hands cant even type properly
And your eyes can't see clearly because of the tears that are coming
I hope you haven't
Cause this pain is something I don't want you to suffer

There was a girl who was scared
Scared to lose everything she loved
She wanted it keep them in her where no one could ever take them
But all the while other people never took them
For they, themselves left
She was sad, she was broken, she was beyond repair
Though that may be her description, she never stopped loving
Until one day she didn't have to feel scared anymore
She was okay with the idea of people leaving
She was okay that one day she may lose them
Maybe she lost sense of the love she once had
But that's what pain gives you, content
She may yearn for the person to be proud of her, to love her like she wants to be
But that's the way it is
She can never do anything to change the unavoidable

My thoughts are already blades
*who needs physical self harm

Don't repeat the mistake you once rued
For if you did you already know what's next
You can't keep hurting people and expect them to still stay

Why all at once
A person can only take so much

"I know"
I've said this hundreds times
But I don't know why I say it a hundred times more

Not a single astronomer
Would study this super nova
No matter how long it waits
They don't

It continues to hope
But then it burns and explodes
It's ****** by the black hole it, itself has formed

It's 10:30 and I'm typing this down. Yes, I am thinking of you. I think of you before I sleep and I think of you when I wake up. I miss you quite more than I show you when we meet. If I could, I would have never let you go. I would have held you then kissed you until you run out of breath or possibility to the point where you can't feel your lips anymore but just mine. I want to make you mine in all ways possible. And believe me, I will. That's why I'm looking forward to someday. Someday we'll have those adventures, we'll travel, we'll try new things. We'll get lost and scream at the top of our lungs. We'll forget what we left behind and just be with each other. Talk about the most random things, talk about the things that matter most. Or maybe not talk… maybe just lay under the stars me in your arms, doing things till we fall asleep... I want to know what bothers you. I want to know how you view the world. I want to explore you and dive in you. In your embrace, in your voice, in your smell– in my solace. Please take me away. Please save me from my thoughts. I imagine great beautiful things of how our someday would be but I also have these thoughts that won't let me sleep without me talking to you. I'm sorry if I bother you. I'm sorry if I am. I hope you find time to not be lazy for me. I hope you'll be patient with the ever clingy girl who loves you very much. I hope that I make you happy. I hope that I'll always be the only one even if there are a lot of girls where you are. I hope you believe that we can make it until someday. I hope that you love me too. Because my thoughts are killing me thinking of the possibility that you might not feel the same way anymore. I may be tired, but I guess I wouldn't be with you. I hope you're sleeping well right now. I hope you dream of me. I hope and pray and wish. Good morning, my solace. I am overthinking again. I wish I can make it stop.

I don't know about you guys
But today was a wonder

A piece meant to be shared

I am happy to have them in my life and I don't care of what others may say

I love them to bits

Its not my loss
It's the other's

It's not yet time oh darling I know
You really can't be there all those times
I need you
But honestly, it would feel better if there's nothing to need at all

It just keeps my hopes up more
And the more it grows, it doubles the pain

In you I found solace
In you I found my weakness but you've also given me strength

And I don't know my heart can take this all anymore

Why live this life?
'It was all I was given'

We're drifting apart and we're not even continents at sea

Mom I wish you were here to say good night
These nightmares are becoming real
The murmurs are getting louder
The claws at dragging in further

Mommy save me
I don't want this anymore

I'll let you point the syringe
Its okay to feel the flow
Of that chemical of peace

Please be aware. Please let me have it.
Please save me make them go away

Your love was my favorite lie.
But my mistake was I fell, and I fell hard.
It wasn't a mistake though,
Because you were worth it.
But you've changed.
And you won't let me know you again,
No matter how hard I try.
Your love weakened, mine deepened.
You promised you wouldn't hurt me.
I forgot promises were made to be broken
You made me believe
You were also the one who put me down
I missed you even before you left.
And I should have held you tighter.
Because I know something will always keep us strangers.
You were my favorite almost, love.
Our forever ended sooner than I thought or did it just not exist for us?
Lie to me one last time, love, just one last time.

I don't know
how you ignited this soul
when our flames burned bright
where we first met
why you and me

But I also don't know
how you made feel so vulnerable
when the wind blew our fire
where the darkness crept in
why things came out like this for you and me

*but maybe I do, I just can't admit that they did

My darling, if only you knew how much I think of you everyday

How every waking moment I say that I'll see you later
Then jump out of bed
You're almost my reason to live

How everything that I randomly see has a connection with you
Then smile
you really left your mark, not on my mind but heart as well

How every time that I'm alone I stare at a remote place
Then realize I'm thinking of you, again
why is it– how did you do it?

How every night before I go to sleep, after I pray, I imagine a life with you
Then drift to a blissful sleep
you made the bad dreams go away

But really how everytime I'm with you
The whole world becomes a distant place and you're the only oneI want to be with
I really love you

My darling, if only you knew how much I think of you everyday, you'll say I'm obsessed

All my life
I've read novels and story books
I've watched them come to life in my tv screen

And just before true love's kiss is about to happen
They cover my eyes

I thought of why's
Are they afraid to let me see how what they say would look like?

Little years added in my life
At times I could see
How they both hold hands and then close their eyes
Sharing something gross at first
Yet magical as you see the silhouette of they're future made but what they called love

For  some time I have dreamed of finding a prince
Though I may not be royalty by blood
I imagine someone who treats me like one

Someone who gently touches my skin in fear I may get hurt
Someone who says nice things
But still joins me with my mischievous tasks
Who'll dance with me through midnight then kiss my hand good morrow
Someone who's my foundation when I become weak
Who'll be the knight of this heart full of bliss

I understand that it may never come true
For reality is no where near fiction
But inside of every one of us
Is a person in hopes of finding what they call true love

No matter how cruel the world could be, hope is the answer that makes us find a better tomorrow

here comes those sleepless nights
tears that brings rest
meals skipped due to appetite lost
bed that is comfort for the weakeness
the fakes smiles,
the pretend of being okay while the world goes on.
the flashbacks of the love now gone.
Things that make you wonder 'why love in the first place when all those happy moments only bring such sorrow'.

'Twas better to have loved than to never have loved at all.
what a horrible truth.

There was a girl who never asked anyone to stay
For she believed they'd all leave anyway
In winter, as the wind gets colder
So did people
She was engulfed by chaos, disaster and catastrophe
Until him
He was the sun in the dark land
The fire in the cold
The solace on earth
They ran
To be free
To be safe
To be happy
She feared the day they'd drift apart like continents at sea
But then he said "Always."
Kissed her forehead then continued
"Maybe not as constant at the sunset
Or as frequent of the crashing of waves
But as natural as breathing."
And in his loving eyes,
She saw that something gold
Can stay *after all

I wanted to see your eyes,
the eyes that once shone like diamonds in the sun at the sight of me.
The ones I looked at and saw something more,
something beyond.

When I did,
In your eyes,
I found the answer as to why.

It broke a part of me,
Silently but oh so terribly

my hope,
my love,
my stars and moon

I could never finish my thoughts
But for you I would

I loved you with all
my heart,
my might,
my strength.

With body and soul,
with great modesty and devotion.

In a moment my heart broke to more fractions than it already is,
I lost you
Yet I still wonder if I really did have you to begin with

You have that part of me
I'm not sure I could get back

I'm drowning
And you're no longer there to anchor me to safety

What have we become?
A new generation filled with insincerity, depression and insecurities.
What happened to a lot of things?

To chivalry my dear men?
Going up the steps to a girls house to pick her up
To respect where 'boys will be boys' is not an excuse
Where no means no
Where nudes are not a necessity

To demureness and sophistication my dear ladies?  
Where you don't have to strip down or reveal so much skin to get a boy
Where you don't have to starve to be like someone demanded by society

To fairness and consideration dear teachers?
Where students are not asked to stay up too late and be depressed because of the assignments?

What happened to love?
Has the greed of men conquered peace?
What happened to unity?
Will we always be a divided community?
Bring it back.
The respect
The time where everything was better
Where expression was freedom
Where we are truly at our peak

I am okay*
If okay means knowing people are prentending to be friends with you
If it means noticing a lot of things changing
And you, just wanting to eat, sleep and cuddle pillows a lot
If okay means things are not well but you're hoping for the best
yet still expecting the worst
Embracing sadness thats creeping
Breaking into tiny ashes while the world does not care nor does not notice

Then yes I am okay

because I've been missing you lately

baby, do you love me?
even when all these thoughts are cloudy?

baby, do you love me?
because I need you. Please save me.

baby, do you love me?
* I love you very much, my one and only.

I like balloons
And I hope one day I ride a hot air balloon

Why?

Because when I see them
They remind me of people;
How they keep everything inside them for so long and when they can't take it anymore, they pop.
How they bring joy.
How they don't know they do.
How with the right air, they can fly up the sky and be free.
Yes they may pop or deflate but if you see them as people, they won't if they don't want to.
I like balloons because I want to fly;
Give joy
I want to escape the hurt, the pain, the exhaustion.
I want to be free

my love, can I ask you why?
why the stars I wait to see keeps shining even when the moon goes faint
why the stars last so long
why some die a quiet death, but some fall
and why it was easy to say you no longer love me the way you used to?
even when I chose to love you everyday, even when it hurts–especially when it hurts.

Go ahead
Take my heart
Take my soul
I would give these up to you
If I know
That maybe I would have a chance
A chance to make you stay
To make you feel better
Than the past you never said
Then when you did
You left
As if nothing happened
As if You were never broken
But the horrible effect
Is you left me hollow
For I have given my everything
Just so you could feel whole
I have given you my world
And all I could ever have is the chance
A chance to feel the way you did before I came along

I guess it's better to keep our flames between the two of us
But let them see our spark
Let them envy without our consent
I don't need to brag,
I don't need to pity others.
Because I was like then once, bitter.
I don't need to rub it in theirs faces for our love found
Because I am already happy of what we have
I don't need them to know of the things we do
They don't need to know
Maybe it's better this way-our lips sealed, a secret just you and me.

I have decided not to let people take away my happiness
I already know that nothing lasts forever
If people will leave, I'll let them
I believe they were part of my life for a reason
And if it's all at loss
Something better would replace them

I have learned that some people are worth it and some are not

I guess it's all measured by who stayed at your darkest and dwelled in the happiness

You are different, they don't have the heart like yours
So be weary child
For they will not return the same love you give

Sometimes you have to let people go
Specially when you're the only one holding on
Trusting that they will undestand you
But they don't

That will always be life
Choose who is worth it

Today you looked me straight in the eyes and told me three words.
Three words that means so deep; so important.
Your voice was filled with tenderness, sincerity and emotion.
Your eyes so serious; so full.
Your simple gestures that tell me "you're mine" .
It makes my heart burst with this sensation.

Today you looked me straight in the eyes and told me you love me.
It was the best part of my day knowing you truly do.

I know you wouldn't care.
I know you  wouldn't listen.
You act like you're innocent— like everything's fine.
But its not.
You call yourselves friends but are you really?
You can't see the fake smile, so forced, so untrue.
You turn your backs on someone who cares for you.
You turn cold and silent at the person your friend doesn't like.
I reach for you even if you're remote but you choose to move farther away.
You leave someone who loves you dearly.
For someone who has done everything but.
I've grown tired.
I've learned where I stand and how to do so on my own.
I was blind, now I see.
Why they say the things they do about you.
It's true– somehow, maybe.
You guys are heartless.
So unreal and clueless.

Go ahead and drown in that shallow well
Let yourself replenish from all those lies
My life would continue to change chapters
With or without you

But if you ask me now
I would prefer without
For I already have enough people I don't want to lose

You being there would not be your loss but mine

To my dearest princess,

             I carried you for nine months bearing all the nausea, mood swings and the pain. And I was there to hear your first cry, a sign that you were alive. I was there when you needed me to sleep, drink and go places. I was there when you were crawling then walking and later on, running. I saw your most embarassing moments, your cutest reaction, your passion, your talents and your dreams. I was there when you felt sad and cried all day and remember how you kept looking for me? I was the one you shared your secrets to. I was there when you went to school and got friends. Then you got older and you started cutting me off and saying that I was lame and nagging. But you forgot that I gave you the things you needed when you were little- all those sleepless nights just to keep you still. I was there when you wanted me there. And I am not going to force you to do the same but I am hoping for your consideration. I was there for your first heart break. It was from a boy you never told me about and now I found out that you gave your everything. Now let me remind you, darling that people make mistakes and what we do after is what matters. You don't need *** to prove that there is love. A proof of love is how much time you spend together and not thinking of it too much because you know you'll wait until you two are wed and are truly each other's. Romance is not just a public post on a social media account about how much he loves you. It's not just about the good morning texts. It's about the days you are at your worst and he sees you as if you're still the angel you are. It's when you are on your baggy shirt and he sees how beautiful you are. It's about the planned, nervous, awkward but fun dates. It's him picking you up at our doorstep and telling me that he'll tale care of you. It's about long hand written love letters, poems and arguements worth fighting about. And if you lost someone, they aren't always meant to stay. It's okay to cry because it's a sign your alive, it's what you did the minute you came to this world. You don't need to harm yourself, I'm here and I think you are golden. You are one of life's precious gifts. Please don't hurt yourself, you don't need other people to prove your worth, you have me. Now I know I may say things that offend you but that's my way of teaching you. I love you, sweetheart and don't think that I don't.  You are capable of living and surving. You were destined to shine as bright as the sun, my princess. Maybe even brighter.

with love,
Mom

There's something wrong with me
I don't have the key
to know who I should be
I don't want to pretend to be fine
when they can't see the sign
of how desperate I am to find
something better in my mind
I want to die
but i want to live
i want to dine
but I want to give
I want a purpose, something more than a cause
To leave and be free, to be my own boss
I don't want to feel things I shouldn't
I don't want to be forced to do things I couldn't
I feel alone
but there's something in my bone
that makes me hope
that when I let go of this rope
i'll find a maybe
that someday my heart would be put to safety
I am tired of being broken
not by life but words unspoken
I want to be okay
To sit by the bay
but I also want to be loved, my love
I want to be with you than anything else above
I want to sink in the waves of you voice
but that's not my choice
to envelop myself in your arms
not because of your charms
but because I love you too much
so it is my heart that I will clutch
to let you be free
even if you forget about me
Do I have to plea
just for you to see
that I should let you go
so we could grow
but every time I try
it makes me cry
you want me to stay
but you go far away
I don't know what say or what to do
but i feel rather blue

for there is something wrong with me
but in order to fix this I have to leave you be

I had no control
I lost myself
I didn't look
I tripped and fell
They say tears won't do anything
Well it could
It lessens the weight in my heart
And soothes the pain maybe a bit
But not all at once
It may show weakness
But if you have never shown it before,
You're the weaker one.

You told me you loved me
And I believed you
But as soon as told you I needed you
You walked away
Saying that's not what you want to be -
You didn't want to be needed
And what's the point of you saying you loved me
Then turning away when I need you most

Shut, I kept my mouth.
Avoiding you and everything else.
I never liked you and probably never would.
But I don't spread lies like you do.

I will try to be good
But never forget:

darling, even the brightest things cast dark shadows close by
And when that bright thing refuses to shine, you will be ****** to darkness you have never seen.

Up, I always wanted to go
To be free because no one will know
How far too deep I have gone
Yet I feel that nothing can ever be done
It's like being the shore to which the sea crashes
Like wanting to cover your wrists with a hundred slashes
Under the ocean only to see the light from above
Sadness and dread replacing love
I do not wish to live another day
But then what would they say?
That I was a teen who did not know half of what life could have been
Yet I wish they could have seen
I chose an easy way out
Facing the day with doubt
Thinking that nothing could be worse than the morrow
*Oh, love, please don't live with sorrow

I saw the way you looked at beautiful things,
with awe, with interest, with want
And I tried to be beautiful too
I stood up taller, I smiled more
and they wondered why and they finally noticed me
A day came where I was on stage, people's eyes just focused on me
and upon all their stares
Yours was the one I still couldn't have
**When all I wanted was for you to see me too

I believe it's called falling in love because at that time we let down our walls
And let ourselves fall without worry or without doubts– we simply dive or plunge into a sea
And it's our choice if we drown or not

but what if you plunge to sea not knowing how to swim doesn't that make you a fool?
Everybody is a fool for love and that is how you see the proof

I remembered the day we talked
I told you I have to go away
That I would have to say goodbye
As I turn to go
You embraced me like you won't see me again
You did not let go
You said you fear that once I go the rest will follow
You said you needed me
that was the first time you ever said those words
You lay down with me in your arms
I escaped your hold only to try to leave but my body just made me face you
You looked me in the eyes and said
don't go, I need you. I want you
Your hand caressing my cheek while the other still wrapped around me
Then after you shared your desire to stay the way we were positioned but in another scene: under the stars, with a blanket and some snacks maybe candles and a nice song as a background
Nothing to be weary of
No hiding
No worrying about the time
Then you made me stand up
You made me slow dance
You apologized for the scarce space and your silliness
But actually its all I ever wanted
You made it happen unexpectedly
If only we could've stayed that way
I would never have left my love

Her thoughts loom as vast as the ocean floor
Never escaping a swirl of inadequacies
Evaporating once or twice
yet crashing like waves in the middle of the night

Lets build a fort
Just you and me
We'll protect it
We'll keep it that way
Even if it rains or storms
Lets make it stand its ground
It will be our sanctuary
Our dwelling place
Away from all of this
Away from everything
You would never have to feel alone
You would never have to be invisble
You won't have to pretend to be anything
I would listen and so would you
We'll swear to secrecy and idiocy
Lets build a fort, just you and me
What color would you like it to be?
I want to see a sunset from that fort
I want to be near the ocean from that point
You'll be free and so will I