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a m a n d a Aug 2013
there was
  a time in my life
when i didn't know
that
gin
existed.

at some point
   someone put a
gin and tonic
  in my hand,
and i said with delight,
"this is so refreshing!"

i bought the
cheapest gin
i could find
until i heard
snoop rapping
about tanqueray
and i thought to myself,
"what the hell is tanqueray?"

come to find out,
it is a delicious
gin, in a classy green
bottle with a red stamp.

how lovely!
things were just getting better!
i love limes, and
in no time,
a lime version of tanqueray,
"rangpur" arrived,
and i discovered
DIET LIME TONIC

life seriously couldn't get any better.
let's look at the mathematical equation, shall we?

gin=refreshing=limes=tanqueray=snoop=all around good times

marvelous. let's fast forward a decade.

gin=tanqueray=tears.

i honestly wish
life was not this
way and i
could go back
to the way
gin used to be.

and here is the
point i'm
trying to get to -

i'm so blah ...
   so u n i n t e r e s t e d
so unfocused
     that the thought
of going into a store
  to get tonic was
too much for me to bear.
seriously.

so.
i'm drinking gin. with ice. and a little straw.
i have limes in my fridge,
and lime juice.
i looked at both of these items,
and could not summon
the strength
to move either
from the fridge to
the counter,
let alone my drink.

the next step on the road
to the river styx
is gin with no ice and a straw.
then just gin in a glass.
then just gin straight out of the ******* bottle.
then i would just eat the beautiful tanqueray glass bottle.
that seems to be the jist of things around
this place (by "this place" i mean earth) in general.
it's entropy. pick one of the definitions -
i'm pretty sure that poetically any of them apply.
personally, i think
heat death
sounds the best.
ellie danes Oct 2015
Ellie. My name is Ellie.
I want to be a writer. I want to be a star. I want to be free.
I imagine myself riding on wide open roads,
on the back of a motorcycle with a boy
who is as much of a ghost as he is a person.
I imagine myself dazed in rooms
filled with a purple glow.
I imagine pills, lust, liquor, leather.
I want to live forever
and I want to die young.
My name is Ellie.
I don’t know what home means;
I don’t want to.
I need people to love me.
I will break all of their hearts.
I imagine late nights in underground clubs…
Marlboro, rock & roll, Howl by Allen Ginsberg–the bible.
Tanqueray;
falling down in a graveyard muttering in Romanian,
hoping for salvation,
but while I’m called an angel night after night
I’ve got the devil in me.
Rosewater runs through my veins,
the blood has already been spilt.
I won’t ever belong to anyone, not even myself.
When you have the knowledge that nothing’s real
it’s hard to do what’s expected of you.
I relate to flowers a lot.
They’re beautiful, but they don’t last.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try to take care of them,
they just run out of life.
I think I ran out of life the day I was born.
Everything is nothing.
The gods don’t want you to know that,
but that is the one truth.
"about me"
Mitchell Dec 2012
She stood up against the wooden bar lit by a stale football field that shined florescent green and highlighted polyester blue like a muse of Van Gogh or Galileo. Her hair ran down the nape of her neck like a ****** waterfall and the light of the bar highlighted her sphinx like eyes as she turned and caught his eye. He stood at a small table away from the main bar with a couple of friends who were telling stories of their old college days and he, half-listening, quickly looked away, faking to scratch his eye, for he knew he had been caught looking at the back of her and she, with her women's intuition of being observed and knowing this, kept looking and he knowing the only way not to show he had been caught was to look away quickly and very obviously; like a bad actor caught dumb and silent, clueless of their next line. They blushed and shared the heat of embarrassment in their cheeks with the sounds of worn dollar bills slapping hard against the smooth wood of the bar, the bar man eyeing it angrily as cigarette smoke surrounded them and slowly drifted up like a lost soul toward the ceiling and the piano man, eyes tight shut played for everyone there when no-one cared to listen, all underneath the dim light of the bar as they strained to look away from one another, trying to find something they could put their focus upon, but, at the same time, wanting very much to look back and have their eyes meet by mistake all over again.

He focused on the design of the bathroom placards that were in the right corner of the tiny bar where you had to turn sideways and touch shoulder's with every soul inside just to get a drink. He feigned interest in the bronze design of the men's bathroom: a tiny boy looking down at his pecker as he ****** a 1/2 inch thick stream into what the man gathered to be a sunflower ***. The boy was thrusting his hips forward, both of his hands on his side, and he showed no smile, no grin of satisfaction or victory, just a stark, blank face, as if he were thinking "I am peeing in this ***. That is all." The women's bathroom sign was of a young girl with the same kind of *** the boy had been ******* in, but it was missing the sunflower and was replaced by the *** of the girl. She stared up into the sky and into the ceiling lights and was dramatically reaching for a butterfly or bird - he couldn't make out which - something with wings and made him think of a basic metaphor that this poor little girl just wants to get off the *** and be free like the birds and butterflies and clouds in the wide blue sky.

She focused on the man's shoes. She looked at the black shine and the pristine black shoe laces, all looking like everything had just been purchased that day. "There is not a single scuff on them and the way this man cuffs his pants only a single turn," she thought to herself, "Tells me he has something of a style on him". Not so run of the mill. Something special. Something of interest.* But then, she was annoyed by the cuff of the pants because she remembered that was what all the schoolboys in her prep school would do when the day was rainy or the boys rode their bikes home from school or they were nerds. The memory immediately turned her off of the man all together, but luckily, she put her gaze back on the jet-black, seemingly un-touched leather that told her success, class, and security.

The man heard a loud Cheer's!" from his table, abruptly bringing him out of his distraction. He was forced to turn and as he did, he made sure not to look up. He kept his eyes on the table and looked for the half-full beer with the worn Budweiser coaster underneath it. He could see from the his top periphery that she was still facing him but she was looking down at something toward the floor. He fumbled with his large hands for his glass and panned his eyes up slightly. The woman, seeing the movement at the table, looked up. She stared back to where she had first caught him looking at her and waited. The man felt her looking at him and in the same instant, saw the faded Budweiser coaster and reached for his beer. He picked the glass up and as the second Cheer! was yelled, he clashed his glass against all the others, all the while keeping his head not toward his friend's faces, but turned in the direction of the bar toward the girl. He smiled at her as he lowered his glass, not taking a drink. His friend slapped him on the back and told him," You gotta' drink after the cheers or its bad luck," and so he did, still staring dumbly at her as he did. She nodded at him with a self-conscious and embarrassed grin, raised her nearly gone low-ball glass of gin and tonic and tipped it toward him and turned around to face the bar.

"I"ll stand here and wait for him to come up to me," she thought, "And if he doesn't the man is a coward and a louse and not worth my time. I have looked twice now and there is some rule in some magazine that I read somewhere, that if you look twice at a man that it is sign, not a coincidence. No, it has a purpose and though I barely know what reason I want this man to look at me other then to get a drink out of him and maybe some conversation, I am certain I have looked twice, maybe even three times. Yes. I have looked at him and I have made my interest known and now I must wait for him to either come or stay with his drunken friends. They look like frat boys cheering like that. They look like drunken, silly frat boys that wouldn't know the first thing about chivalry. Hell, they probably couldn't even spell the ****** word." She laughed under her breath and smiled maliciously to herself and caught her own reflection in the mirror and, for an moment, wanted to quickly look away. Her face did not frighten her, for she was a beautiful woman, not her skin, which was milky white with the faintest and gentlest dash of rouge on each cheek, nor her chocolate colored curls that bounded like boulder's down a hillside. She turned away from a look upon her eye she had not seen or had recognized in a very long time. Her eyes were frightened.

"Frightened?" she wondered.

The man put his beer glass on the table on top of the coaster. The foam rested at the bottom of the cup like the thin layer of ice that blows over a frozen lake, barely there at all passing with the wind. He stared at her back and liked how she leaned on her right hip and put the toe of her left high-heel to the ground, rocking the nose of the shoe back and forth like she was thinking about something playfully frivolous. Behind him, the noise of his friends became a hollow echo, drowned out by the draw of this woman. She swung her left heel back and forth like a pendulum trying to hypnotize him. Someone touched his shoulder but he shrugged the hand away as in this echo chamber he could only hear the music change tracks on the juke box. The song had changed to an old Ottis Redding song and there was nothing else in the world that he wanted to listen to in that moment. As he watched her, leaning into the bar seemingly all alone, no boyfriend or girlfriend in sight, he saw her raise her glass to the barman and knew she had something by the gentle nod of the back of her head. He then saw her point with her left finger and tap the rim of the glass. Her drink was empty. She wanted another drink. He would buy her another drink.

"There is nothing in this world that a man is more responsible for than getting a woman like this a drink," he nodded, thinking to himself and trying to pick up his courage,"One that plays with my heart like a kitten would a spool of yarn, and yet also like a vulture who would peck out the eyes of a dead man in the desert. This is nothing more then that obligation. A rule passed down from man to man, from age to age, where chivalry was not for the base reason to lay with the woman, but to honor them, praise them lightly as the rain from a heavy mist and show them to the pedestal every woman, whether they wish to admit it or not, do wish for, sincerely do at least once in there life." He readjusted his belt and realigned his shirt that had gotten crooked after the celebratory cheer and thought some more,"I'm not going to do that here, this pedestal stuff. This is more like a step toward that pedestal. Yes. A step toward the shrine she wants to trust she deserves and will one day end up on. And this shrine is all cast and painted in the blurry french film noir of dream, is it not? Aren't dreams the only thing we hope to one day come true? How often - when and if they do come true - they can sometimes disappoint and eventually turn sour like a bad orange. I hope she is drinking and that wasn't just a tonic water. If this woman doesn't drink I don't think any of this will be worth anything at all."

She stood there serene and angelic, the hand that held her drink now resting on the base of the bar. Behind the man, he heard the chatter of his friends and the drone of football scores and player updates coming from the ten or more televisions that hung from the ceiling. Someone reached out to touch his shoulder but missed him as he left the table. His name then echoed behind him but soon the sound evaporated as dew does that rests on blades of grass in a summer morning to a summer afternoon. There was only her and her smell that had drifted to his table and shrouded him with the scent of white chocolate and smoke and her delicate, porcelain hand that had held up the drink shyly but not weakly, in passing demand without that demanding quality drunk people can get like at bars sometimes. He approached her, hovered behind her, but she did not turn, and then came up to the bar to lean into. He did not turn to look at her, though he wanted to very badly, but looked down at her low-ball glass with two half-melted ice cubes and a used lime. The smell of gin came from the glass and the man smiled to himself and put his hand up to signal the bartender.

"If this man orders his drink first and walks back to that table with all of his drunken friends, I am giving up men all together," the woman thought to herself," * Tonight and forever! If he can put his hand up and not even turn to look at me, as I was doing, I thought, to be very flirtatious but gentle, then I see no reason at all to keep going with men. They are barbarians that only want to eat, drink, sleep, and fornicate with women that are easy and provide no real challenge at all in their life. If he wants it easy, he can have it as easy as he wants, but not with me. No sir. Not with me ever. Not with me for a night, an hour, a minute, or even a second."

The bartender, a stout slightly overweight man that was a little over forty with streaks of grey in his thin, short-cut hair, looking very much like he should be home reading with a nice cup of tea by his side rather than in the bar serving drinks to stranger's, approached the man and asked him what he would like.

"Two gin and tonics please," the man said, "With a slice of lime and four ice-cubes in each."

"And what kind of gin, sir?"

The man turned to the woman, "What label do you drink?" he asked.

"Pardon me?" she stuttered startled, her eyebrows raised.

"Your drinking gin, aren't you?" He nodded his head toward the woman's empty glass. The tiny lines of transparent lime skin floated on top of the water that had gathered from the melting ice-cubes.

"Yes, I am. I was just about to order."

"I'll get this round and you'll get the next one."

"Any gin is fine."

The man turned to the bartender," Tanqueray, please bartender."

He nodded and went to make the drinks.

"Your very perceptive," the woman said as she turned to face him.

"I try."

"I saw you from across the bar, but was afraid to walk up to your table for fear of getting ambushed by all of your friends. Those are your friends, right?"

"Yes," he nodded as he looked over his shoulder at them, "Old college friends all with old stories of college that, truthfully, bring me little or no joy to even hear."

"Then why come at all?" she asked, "You seem smart enough to know that if you meet up with old anything, you'll be hearing about the old times all night."

"I was forced to come."

"Someone getting divorced?"

"No," he laughed, "The opposite. Married."

"Well, I hope it's not you or this would look very bad if your fiance walked in."

"And why's that?"

She clicked her tongue and turned to look at the shelves stocked with every kind of liquor. The bottles reflected the soft orange glow of the lights that circled the bar and the colors of the television screens. The man continued to look at the woman who had turned her back on him and caught their reflection in a bottle of Jack Daniel's. He waited for a response, but she stood there silent, knowing she was playing with him. Behind him, his friends were growing louder and a tray of shots had found its way to their table. The waitress who had brought the drinks, polite and with a smile, asked them to try and keep it down. They shouted "YES'S and screamed "YEAH'S" with moronic smiles on their faces, their heads nodding up and down like a dog playing fetch. The waitress giggled a thank and walked away shaking her head with disgust when she was out of sight.

"Well," she said,"You did just order two gin and tonics and I think if your fiance walked in with you chatting with me with the same drink in both of our hands, I think she would be a little upset. I know I would be."

"Perhaps we could act like we are old grammar school friends and just happened to run into one another?"

"Well, that would be a lie."

"Yes, that would be a lie."

"Which would mean we were hiding something from said wife."

"And what would that be?"

"That you approached me after I looked at you, perhaps the look from me wasn't flirtatious, maybe I thought you looked familiar, like I had seen you somewhere, and you came up to me and ordered me a drink and started a conversation with me, much like we are doing right now."

"What's wrong with conversation?" The bartender approached them and placed the two drinks in front of the man. The man took out his wallet without losing his gaze on the woman, took out a twenty and slid it toward the bartender. The bartender took the twenty, paused for a moment to see if the man wanted any change, but left when he saw he didn't want any by not moving.

"Conversation can lead to very dangerous things," the woman said playfully and wise.

"Your here by yourself and your not stupid; someone is going to come up to talk to you."

"And your that somebody?"

"I'm sure I'm not the first one tonight."

"Your sweet."

"I try," he said as he slid the drink over to here,"Your drink."

"What should we drink too?" She asked and raised her glass, the light above them reflecting in the ice-cubes and thick glass of the high-ball.

"Conversation," he said proudly and with a smile, "And the danger that it brings."

They clinked their glasses together, their eyes never leaving one another, and they both took a long drink.

"I'm not here with anybody and I'm not expecting anybody tonight either," the woman said.

"What's your name?"

"Why?"

"I want to be able to tell my friends I met a very interesting woman, but they won't believe me if I don't give them a name."

"I'm standing right here, silly. Go and tell them you met the most interesting woman in your entire life, look over at me when they ask you what my name is, then point over to me and I'll wave."

"You'll be here?"

"I'll be here."

"Promise?"

"Go, go, go," she repeated, pushing him back toward his table, "You bought me a drink, didn't you? The least I can do is wave to your drunken college friends."

The man walked back to his table, glancing quickly over his shoulder, trying to hide it, before he reached the table. He arrived to all of them drunk, beer spilt on the table and an ashtray full of punched out cigarettes and ground up cigars. Every one of them were rocking back and forth with each other, their arms sloppily hung around their neighbor's shoulders, their eyes blood shot with their mouth half-cracked open barely breathing in the smoky, beer smelling air. The man struggled to wedge his way into the circle, and when he did, he tried to get the groups attention by screaming an
seBi Mar 2013
The scent of gin flows
With every step it grows
More pungent
The bottles flow

They say,
"Why does a ****** ***** drink class like that?"
Class doesn't come from a bottle
She knows too well

A short round of laughs
Insecurities bubble up
Rage flowers in the garden
of Eden tonight

Hidden in her crimson
Grin
She slowly sneaks you in
Her best friend Gin

It's Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde
They will destroy you
But her heart won't.
Justin S Wampler May 2015
It takes two to tango
or so they say,
but it only takes me
to Tanqueray.
Julia Aug 2017
My knuckles look like coke and roses
The winter bit them hard; they cracked
I **** on them; they bleed their noses
I fear they are forever chapped

My knuckles look like milk and lipstick
Dressed in cream and Vaseline
I'm oiled up so says the dipstick
With pink supreme silk gasoline

My knuckles look like wine and diamonds
I deck them out most everyday
They never mind the crime and violence
I keep them moist with Tanqueray

My knuckles look like snow and crowbar
They finally just had enough
I tried to run; I didn't go far
My knuckles, unlike me, are rough
I got into a fight with the curb on which I cry.
david badgerow Oct 2011
the empties
of the week
hold guard over my room.
they stand
like brave sentinels
and we watch the sun rise together.
bottles, cans, flasks, drams
these are my friends,
the empties
of the week.
sunlight burns
off of tinted brown glass
and i am alone,
except these are my friends,
the empties
of the week.

Pabst (7)
Coors (4)
Magic Hat (12)
Sierra Nevada (6)
Heineken (8)

Jack Daniel's (3)
Tanqueray (2)
Jameson (6)
Crown Royal (2)
Wild Turkey (5)
On Tuesday morning the report said
Los Angeles was beyond the heat wave
the meter had run out
and you turned back to a pack of Camel’s
after avoiding them for seven months and nine days
wreaking of olives and tanqueray
I was without mascara
it had been towed inside of your ’96 Civic
we walked around the morning streets
looking for beer and a way
to go back to before the street cleaners
took away your ’96 Civic and you
lit that first cigarette
We’ll do this right one day,
you said between drags of that first cigarette
I tried to get you to put them away
but we knew it was too late
One day in San Francisco
we were too young to be nostalgic
and yet we looked North
beyond the impound lot
with anticipation towards
milder weather
looked back at the ’96 Civic
being led out past the gate
looked down at the third Camel
between your second and third fingers
with regret I watched it fall to the sidewalk
I wanted to stamp it out
but instead watched the cherry burn
until only the filter remained
and the wind brought it to the space
in between two concrete slabs
we got inside your ’96 Civic
drove South along the freeway
you lit a fourth cigarette
gave a fifth to a homeless man
along the freeway
we listened to wordless music
with windows rolled down
you asked me what I was thinking
thought against telling you I
was already waiting for
cooler weather in San Francisco.
Justin S Wampler Feb 2015
stressed over a great internal debate
between a spray of Jack or Tanqueray,
but after about four or five shots
they taste the same anyway.
Naomi Sa'Rai Jul 2013
I live in the town
Where kids sip champagne
To forget pain
And chug hennessy
With their enemies
Simply licking down *****
And eating their frienemies
Life's a bottle of tanqueray
Have a seat, listen, stay
The worlds a shot of tequila rose
Complex as a stiffened pose
I live in a town
Where the kids
Lush
In a hush
fairlyfreaksome Aug 2015
two shots of
tequila
a splash of
campari
soco
tanqueray
kalua
amaretto
vermouthy
chambord
lime concentrate
peache schnap-ps
triple sec
cheap-*** *****
malibu
top it off with
soda water
sprite
drink until it's gone
Bill Adair Nov 2019
Let me be the pickle in your cheese and pickle sandwich,
Let me be the butter on your toast.
Let me be the dressing that you season all your food with,
Let me be the taste you love the most.

Let me be the drizzle in the lemon cake you’re baking,
Let me be your favourite type of brie.
Let me be the brandy that ignites your Christmas pudding,
Let me be the cream in your cream tea.

Let me be the sherry that you pour into your trifle,
Let me be the cherries in your bowl.
Let me be the tonic in your Tanqueray and slim-line,
Let me be the lemon lying on your Dover sole.

Let me be the doughnut that you dip into your coffee,
Let me be your toffee apple stick.
Let me be the gravy in your steak and kidney pudding,
Let me be the dish you always pick.
From "Learning to Fly" (2017)
Let Me Be the Pickle in Your Cheese and Pickle Sandwich © Bill Adair 2014.
Sir Tech Feb 2014
In the space of a second it started out in silence
Occasionally laced with evidence of a deeper sense
**** was tense for a while as a couple of juveniles
Got you flashing them shy smiles but couldn't change my style
Who was I? What were my reasons for doing what I did?
Even as a kid it was borrowed time until a bid
Can't understand how you decided I should be your man
To caught up in my scams and too cautious to take your hand
A ******* who never had a plan to succeed
Could never plant his seeds or be there for the things you need
As the years slid by I knew out ties would soon sever, so
I don't believe her when she tells me it's getting better
Receiving these letters dotted with tears, I have no choice
Reading, "After all these years, I still need to hear your voice"
I pick up the phone for a moment and listen to the tone
Dialing all but one number, I'm better off alone.

[PART 2]

It was such a surprise the first time we said our goodbyes
Caught on the spot by the teardrops that fell from your eyes
Just a sucker for a woman who cries, who would have thought?
Got me making these promises to give it another shot
Soon as I give it a go, the regrets begin to show
Got me taking my steps, walking with my head low
Depression will soon follow later replaced by questions
Face to face with myself asking "why can't I learn my lesson?"
Looking in from the outside makes it clear I can’t decide
Sitting on four flat tires while trying to steer the ride
Now it's time to pass the blame for the **** we share the same
The pointless game with the aim of spitting on eachother’s name
Knowing in the end it's going full circle once again
We got it down to an art and it's useless to pretend
Now that we both played our parts and left with two broken hearts
What else are we to do but go right back to the start.

[PART 3]

I’ll probably never understand your ways until the day
Me and you can finally call it quits and break away
Yesterday you ruined my life, *****, today you make it rich
This **** contradicts itself, it's like we don't have a niche
I swear somewhere there's gotta be a place to clear the air
Cause we wouldn't still be together if we didn't care
Instead of arguments and claims of years we both resent
How can we vent the pent up pains and be content?
These are the memoirs of a man tired of hitting the bars
Downing shots of Tanqueray drowning my memories scars
In the beginning the perfect couple we envisioned
Lost momentum when all we tried to do is be like them
Making a living, white picket fence and a couple children
The American dream split and left another ending
Perhaps the time spent together was a lapse in judgment
No second guessing, now were reflecting on lessons lent.
Sir Tech Feb 2014
Now let me tell you about this woman i adore
Be sure, too much of her you're coming back 4 more
She's *******, causing me to be a maniac
The fact is, she's influencing the way i act
I react in kind knowing that she's always mine
A certain knack for being there at the right time
Ask how deep i care, with you i can always sleep
So unique as a pair cause you got that mystique
Not a peep baby, cause you know your my lady
Much love, even if you are a little shady
Pop off your top and now I'm begging not to stop
I know you want me and you know you’re all i got
I bring you to my lips and drink deep from your kiss
I feel the heat and a growing sense of wellness
The bliss i feel from leaving you completely drained
Helped to keep me sane when i split from Mary Jane

[PART 2]

I get a taste, from then on it’s about the chase
My friends say it's a waste because your just a case
And so i pace myself, she was twenty two and tall
Say my name and i answer every time you call
After all, I've known her since i was a juvenile
So many styles that i long to walk the isle
While sometimes you make me sick, i try not to trip
Blurry eyed, i say that I’ll leave but i don't mean it
It's like she's got this grip that keeps pulling me back
Flaunting her perfect rack, cutting me zero slack
Now my heads spinning thinking about this weekend
Come meet my friends, pass out then do it all again
It ain't healthy but you love me poor or wealthy
Regardless, i ignore everything they tell me
Though forty, you were never really above me
Can somebody tell me, does she really love me?

[PART 3]

Dear Miss Tanqueray, maybe we should make the break
I shake at the thought but I've had all I can take
She raised the stakes and left me nothing in her wake
Is it too late to break the habit she creates?
How can I illustrate the good times without the bad?
This fate I designed got me resigned and living sad
I had no clue you could do the things you do
And who would of thought I’d come running back to you?
It was so plain that I never seen your mind games
And still I find myself struggling to refrain
Where do I place the blame? A fatal attraction
Remember he catching my eye and my reaction
No traction, head on in her grip and now I'm gone
Through the intersection, till then it never dawned
Spawned a head on scene complete with broken bodies
A whole family gone before I knew she got me.
Sometimes metaphors can be fun.
Riq Schwartz Jun 2014
His name was Adam Chester,
          and I killed him.

He was something early thirties
still built like twenty-two.
His eyes were as green as life
and the corners of his mouth could
shine enough certainly to
photosynthesize.

He was dying.

I was something late twenties,
young enough in Hollywood
to still be exposing my ******* for parts.
My hair still had more red than shame,
and my body still looked like a
parenthetical aside
in all the right places.

I had never felt more dead.


He said he saw me in some room
with some people sometime
and that the spark in my eyes had
restarted his heart,
cause he was surely dead,
just waiting to die.
I said I understood,
and I drank daiquiris.
Later, he would tell me
my skin felt softer than the
Egyptian cotton sarcophagus
entangling our legs,
that my lips tasted like cherry,
my breath like alcohol,
and my skin like so many
     squandered summer nights,
     bikini tops and Tanqueray,
     riding solar flares between friendships
     and not taking no **** from no one.

For weeks and months we were together. He didn't seem to be wasting any way but spiritually, and I didn't seem to be wasting anything but time. He told me that everybody dies alone, and that he would give anything to break the trend. I told him that of course I would help, and that I didn't love him, but I loved the thought of him, and that in me that thought would live forever. I promised I would find a way. He would touch my hair and smile without showing his teeth - either because it seemed too aggressive or too disingenuous. He told me how our lives resembled Moulin Rouge, except that he was the one on the clock, and I just wanted to drink and ****, and that was precisely why he chose me; perhaps if he was never alone, he would never have time to die.


It was the kind of arid night that makes you want to water your plants compulsively.
The air had our lips cracking like sarcastic smiles
and skin too dry like a sense of humor,
unable to turn the pages of our paperbacks.
I asked him to be my chapstick.
He asked me to be his lotion.
I told him that he was gross.
He told me to go to hell.
               I told him...
          He told me...
     I told him...
He told me...
I told...
He...

I woke in the cold embrace of solitude.
She kissed my neck and called me Lover.
I told Solitude to leave me sleep.
She told me she was lonely.
Told me I was breathing, if barely.
More than could be said for some.
She kissed my neck.
My heart stopped.

Time flows not like grains of sand,
but like grains of wood,
back and forth, swaying, dancing,
some ****** understanding within itself
which we have no place in,
no fate with or without.
I saw him laying alone,
saw him stand beside himself.
Saw him wonder
where I had gone.
Saw him go.
Saw him, gone.
When you die alone, you leave even yourself behind.


I went back to bed,
back to my body,

where Solitude could have her way with me.
Every living creature on earth dies alone.
          ~Roberta Sparrow, "Donnie Darko"
John Jul 2013
Would you call me cliche?
If I drank Tanqueray
And then asked you to stay
For only another moment
Because I didn't want to ruin it
Because I only wanted another's second's
Grace with you, with me, in your presence?

Would it be a shame
If one day
We looked back
And realized we never quite made it
Made us out to be what we could have?
What we should have been?
Oscar stuta Dec 2020
💐💐💐

Troubles occurs easy when i am with you.
There's danger in your smiles.
There's pleasure right now.
How do you make this beautiful.
Don't wanna leave you never.
I need you here while its still day light.
Can't you see that in my eyes?

I didn't want to go to you.
I didn't want to go at all.
I just got out of the December days.
I did not expect you in my  one sided fate.
I barely know you, so why did we get all of December?

You don't call at all.
So why would i look for you?
Neither the wax in blue water.
Not the rain outside the window.
Nor the steel in the surface ofbthe sea do not predict you to me.
Even waiting for you is difficult.

In the silence in the endless fog.
In the tiresome passage.
I'm running away from you.
I like you, but i don't......

I wanna hold your hand in public places.
I wanna laugh at your silly jokes.
I wanna snuggle on the couch with you everyday.
I wanna gaze into your eyes and look deep within.
I wanna lay in your chest and vent my soul out.
Lastly i wanna kiss your lips until they become sore.
One thing i know i cannot control the time we have with each other.
But the love i have for you will be separated by the grave.
While i am with you these words you have to hear them when you sleep and wake up.
Because you are part of my heart.

I will build my life upon your love.
It is a firm foundation i am looking forward to it.
I will put my trust in you alone.
I will not be shaken by my insecurities and doubts about us.
JaxSpade Jul 2019
I see colors
At the disco
With so many others
Eyes kaleidoscopic
With mirror *****
Reflecting lights
And rainbow optics
I slip slide away
In a collage of music
And disarray
I see colors
With ebullient others
Popping champagne
I'm dousing and drowning
In a crowd of party
Wondering if it all is just a dream
I see colors
Capricious and smothered
In a cacophony of sounds fecund
With laughter in a feeling
Of floating in outer space
What was I drinking
What did I take
I'm dancing in propinquity with blue unicorns and pink elephants while my temerity flickers
In glow sticks and bottles of tanqueray
I see colors
And geometrical shapes
I should have been absteimous
But I couldn't resist
The munificent veracity
Of entertainment begging for my daze
Oh I see colors
At the disco
With so many others
Improvident and care free
I'm having so much fun
And I don't ever want to leave
Or awake
What was I drinking
What did I take
I can't feel my face
I was wondering if this was heaven
Or if these clouds were fake
All these women crowding me
Which one is my mate
I see colors
In another state
With so many others
Trying to erase
Reality and everything it takes
Fleetwood May 2019
Blue-green ocean tipped with whitecaps rolling toward the shore
Plane is humming with the pilot talking about life and your ride is there parked on the hill for easy starting next to the palm oil trees and oxen plowing the field with an old worn wood plow
The faded leather bag with delta memories is loaded to the jeep on a hill, the pilot is the driver and talks about this being a Japanese air base during the war, jeep looks good for thirty-five years hot sun is glaring down, the people stare
Intrepid, the vessel, is as faded as the bag and stands waiting, wanting to please her new chief as he walks the long pier to his home for twelve months or so, plane is humming and wiggles his wings as he passes over, you wave into the hot glaring sun
Captain greets you with a smile, dressed in khaki and a baseball cap that says captain, asking about mail and if you want a gin and tonic, for the mosquitos you know, first coolness you have felt since leaving Surabaya, what about another
Days are long and greasy and sweaty as you check out home, she’s purring like a kitten and ready for the sea swells and the crying sky and storms that lurk around the islands, you watch the brown bodies glisten as they throw nets catching the small fish
You walk the pier to the store you can buy beer and fresh coconut candy and something served on a coconut leaf that is extra hot and spicy, beer is as cold as the water well, the kids touch your hair and ears and tattoos and compare their skin next to yours

Duty calls and you sail to Surabaya for the crates and oil and helicopter fuel in barrels for the rigs, you spend the night in air con heaven with steaks and wines and big eyed girls telling you their family buffalo died, drinks are strong, you miss the island
You try to remember everything you will need back on the island, oranges and apples and cookies for the kids, Tanqueray and tonic, for the mosquitos you know ice cream and a box of chocolates for the old woman who gets the beer from the well
Work is done and we nestle back into our spot alongside the pier, shared the gifts with the kids and others, they are happy but want more, now it’s back to coconuts and bananas, I’m learning to throw the net for the small fish, the teachers laugh a lot
I’m diving everyday enjoying the mysteries of the sea, brain corals and rays hiding in the sand, small sea critters nibbling at my feet, the Captain leaves his room and walks the pier free at last from his demons, I venture farther out into deeper water
Having coffee on the bridge deck gazing out to sea when I notice a shadow, maybe a ray, maybe an old oil drum, maybe an old pirate chest, the pulse quickens as I ask the old Chinese deckhand to go with me in the twelve foot work boat
We get over the shadow and I can see it’s a plane, I dive down and it’s just a hulk that has been salvaged of everything removable over the years, an old Japanese warplane with memories as it lays there waiting for me to add to my memories
Over gin and tonics, for the mosquitoes you know the Captain starts talking about life, about his life of privilege, his kids and his wife they had a happy home with good schools and vacations and private yachts, his factory doing good
His son starts having trouble cannot seem to get along, complaints come from the schools, there is friction in his home he spends his money happily to buy his son some time and then the death of a vagrant man and his son has to pay for the crime
The son goes to prison but the Captain still has faith until the son does ****** again, the family spend all their money to keep one of them alive but tensions rise and words are said and the factory cannot survive
So now he’s a working man, his vacation is his home he tells me he has envy for the life I have known, a life I spent rambling ‘round the oceans of this old world, doing good and doing bad, while searching for that pearl
sandra wyllie Sep 2022
I was sitting on the couch
with the phone in my hands
and my legs dangling. I held
that phone so many times. Putting

my lips to the line, with him on
the other side. The only thing connecting us
was the wires. Looking out the window
and seeing the clouds roll in grey as

the head of my aunty Lynn. I swallowed
back the rain. My voice was cracking
from the pain. Stillness hung the line
like a flying nun. He shut it down

like a circus clown, leaving peanut shells
scattered on the ground. After the show,
is a mess to sweep up. But he swept it all
under the carpet. So, I departed like my uncle
Finn in a bottle of Tanqueray gin.
JaxSpade Jan 2019
She was inside a bottle
Of Tanqueray
Mixing in a variety
Of lingerie
I was holding her in my hands
Looking through the glass
I saw her dancing
I couldn't help but stare
At her body in the bubbly
She was so ******
A mixture of gin and tonic
I captured in a bottle

— The End —