I can't imagine not knowing you, and through this does not rhyme
or contain any real structure, i want you to know that i would do anything
for you, and think about you everyday.

To me, your name alone is poetry, and i long for the day that i can put my arms around you like I've wanted for so long. Sometimes it feels like you're the female version of myself, and though i don't believe in soul mates, if i did, i think you would be mine.

I wont deny or pretend that i want anything other than to be with you. I really think that you could be the woman I've been looking for. The type of woman i want to give everything to. The type of woman i can be hopelessly in love with. The type of woman who makes me want to be a better man. A woman i can love fully and unconditionally.

Demons of depression, yet suppressing the aggression
Beacons of expression, repressing the only question.
Stressing twenty four seven, wonder “why the **** bother?”
Been a failure as a husband, son and even father
I'm the author writing hurried words, looking for perfect verbs
Words to describe how fake my life feels anymore, it's absurd
Eyes that can never be blurred, emotions I can't relate to
Even when my speech is slurred I can't escape the real truth
Who could reach me? Am I really just a hopeless basket case?
Who could teach me? Is it a waste to read to look upon my face?
Chased by ***** angels leaving my ******* mind mangled
A perfect life dangled, but trapped in a web that's too tangled
Strangled in my bedsheets, I wake up gasping for air asking
how I can defeat these demons and escape without crashing

Let's not talk of wishes, but instead, let me speak of action
about this delicious woman who makes my heart weak with passion
Alas, 2 perfect hearts nearly three thousand miles apart
Smart enough to ignore it and not give up before I start
every part of me aching to know you as intimately
and intricately as I can such a complex woman
Knowing somehow that we were meant for something greater down the road
Knowing that if I were to lose you, my own heart would implode.
Normally, I am not one to be this sappy, but you should know
All I really want is to make you happy, and see if we can grow.

When your heart turns cold you slowly fall apart and your life unfolds
You can't understand how I behave? Just wait till your soul turns old
Sometimes I feel my hearts about to freeze, spreading through my body
Eating away at every part like a ruthless feeling disease
A baby's cry means nothing and loneliness is a routine friend
You spend your days wondering would anybody care if they end
When your heart grows cold you turn to smoke because your hope's destroyed
Can't do things you once enjoyed, hurt and love become things to avoid
Walls that were down now stand firm and tall fueled by the burn of alcohol
Safe from hate, love, pain and joy until you feel nothing at all
When your heart turns cold death seems tranquil, a dead corpse is trivial
Over the course you lose the will to stop, even if you get killed
Sleeping is never pleasant, and that's if you even sleep at all
Who can you call when your heart turns cold? And who would care if you fall?
You forget ideals, turning of reason so the product gets sold
You don't understand how I behave? Just wait till your heart turns cold!

Now let me tell you about this woman i adore
Be sure, too much of her you're coming back 4 more
She's *******, causing me to be a maniac
The fact is, she's influencing the way i act
I react in kind knowing that she's always mine
A certain knack for being there at the right time
Ask how deep i care, with you i can always sleep
So unique as a pair cause you got that mystique
Not a peep baby, cause you know your my lady
Much love, even if you are a little shady
Pop off your top and now I'm begging not to stop
I know you want me and you know you’re all i got
I bring you to my lips and drink deep from your kiss
I feel the heat and a growing sense of wellness
The bliss i feel from leaving you completely drained
Helped to keep me sane when i split from Mary Jane

[PART 2]

I get a taste, from then on it’s about the chase
My friends say it's a waste because your just a case
And so i pace myself, she was twenty two and tall
Say my name and i answer every time you call
After all, I've known her since i was a juvenile
So many styles that i long to walk the isle
While sometimes you make me sick, i try not to trip
Blurry eyed, i say that I’ll leave but i don't mean it
It's like she's got this grip that keeps pulling me back
Flaunting her perfect rack, cutting me zero slack
Now my heads spinning thinking about this weekend
Come meet my friends, pass out then do it all again
It ain't healthy but you love me poor or wealthy
Regardless, i ignore everything they tell me
Though forty, you were never really above me
Can somebody tell me, does she really love me?

[PART 3]

Dear Miss Tanqueray, maybe we should make the break
I shake at the thought but I've had all I can take
She raised the stakes and left me nothing in her wake
Is it too late to break the habit she creates?
How can I illustrate the good times without the bad?
This fate I designed got me resigned and living sad
I had no clue you could do the things you do
And who would of thought I’d come running back to you?
It was so plain that I never seen your mind games
And still I find myself struggling to refrain
Where do I place the blame? A fatal attraction
Remember he catching my eye and my reaction
No traction, head on in her grip and now I'm gone
Through the intersection, till then it never dawned
Spawned a head on scene complete with broken bodies
A whole family gone before I knew she got me.

In the space of a second it started out in silence
Occasionally laced with evidence of a deeper sense
**** was tense for a while as a couple of juveniles
Got you flashing them shy smiles but couldn't change my style
Who was I? What were my reasons for doing what I did?
Even as a kid it was borrowed time until a bid
Can't understand how you decided I should be your man
To caught up in my scams and too cautious to take your hand
A ******* who never had a plan to succeed
Could never plant his seeds or be there for the things you need
As the years slid by I knew out ties would soon sever, so
I don't believe her when she tells me it's getting better
Receiving these letters dotted with tears, I have no choice
Reading, "After all these years, I still need to hear your voice"
I pick up the phone for a moment and listen to the tone
Dialing all but one number, I'm better off alone.

[PART 2]

It was such a surprise the first time we said our goodbyes
Caught on the spot by the teardrops that fell from your eyes
Just a sucker for a woman who cries, who would have thought?
Got me making these promises to give it another shot
Soon as I give it a go, the regrets begin to show
Got me taking my steps, walking with my head low
Depression will soon follow later replaced by questions
Face to face with myself asking "why can't I learn my lesson?"
Looking in from the outside makes it clear I can’t decide
Sitting on four flat tires while trying to steer the ride
Now it's time to pass the blame for the **** we share the same
The pointless game with the aim of spitting on eachother’s name
Knowing in the end it's going full circle once again
We got it down to an art and it's useless to pretend
Now that we both played our parts and left with two broken hearts
What else are we to do but go right back to the start.

[PART 3]

I’ll probably never understand your ways until the day
Me and you can finally call it quits and break away
Yesterday you ruined my life, *****, today you make it rich
This **** contradicts itself, it's like we don't have a niche
I swear somewhere there's gotta be a place to clear the air
Cause we wouldn't still be together if we didn't care
Instead of arguments and claims of years we both resent
How can we vent the pent up pains and be content?
These are the memoirs of a man tired of hitting the bars
Downing shots of Tanqueray drowning my memories scars
In the beginning the perfect couple we envisioned
Lost momentum when all we tried to do is be like them
Making a living, white picket fence and a couple children
The American dream split and left another ending
Perhaps the time spent together was a lapse in judgment
No second guessing, now were reflecting on lessons lent.

Don't try and help me, these ***** angels got a hold of me
A bottle of OLD E to stay cold is all I need, G
If you can teach me I need help, somebody please reach me
This *******'s like a leech, he won't let me hear you preach
Each day I stay away, the farther I feel myself stray
This psychos after pay and would **** anyone in his way
Ain't no use for you to pray, you're God is like a recluse
All the Hail Mary’s you say won't help you when I'm on the loose
Ain't it scary that the very excuse you use gave me breath?
You pair me with yourself and made me, were together till death
No! If you're close to me say you're goodbyes, I'm in his shadows
I can't help but follow, when I die where will I go?
Slow down and look around, were walking in the same pair of shoes
He moves without a sound, he's the man you didn't think you knew
In time it's true, I got your mind before you ever caught me
Somebody please try to stop me, these ***** angels got me

[PART 2]

I close my eyes tight, recite a prayer, tonight one of us goes
One bullet to bite, I don't wanna fight it but the fright grows
Froze in the grip of this calamity my sanity slips
Feel the humanity and the tragedy of this ****
I try to split away, blacking out like I'm losing days
Backtracking my steps, a *******'s acting out of phase
Got me standing on the edge of becoming a full-fledged beast
Feel the release of tucking a piece strutting through any streets
Give a **** in the least, let them coward ******* be deceased
It don't cease to amaze me the freedom of being crazy
Liquor to fade me while *******'s are screaming save me
Since I was a baby, don't you come near me cause I'm shady
The killers endear me while all my other peers fear me
You best to steer clear, if you wanna help me, don't even try
You wonder why I stay intoxicated till I die
Refuse to cry, abuse alcohol and love to get high.