I want something new,
That isn't love.
Love is old,
Over praised.
Too many sing,
About the joys,
Too many write,
About the pain.
Turn the page,
And feel the clean,
The gleam,
The ease of the unseen.

Feel something strong
That isn't frail,
Over used
In senseless gesture,
Given to the credit
Of a meaningless moment,
That is consumed in
Repeated pattern.
Shut your mouth,
And hear the silence,
The omnipotence,
And wise hearts guidence.

What tempest rules the earth
around her girth clasps her axe
Thunderous lightening in twisted gales
forlorns amazon anger with her gods
Her voice screams for victory sought
in rumblings of the earth below
Touch not her heart of many stones
unless you dare to feel her wrath
upon your bones and wrench you
and ****** into the further pit of hell,
where dismal screams are heard
from bitter depths below
And snake like chains grind the cold
stonehenge ground pulled by bleeding ankles to the bone
Seek not merciful guidence from her wrath
or shelter from her axe or kindness from cold
black eyes but quiver from her icy demon touch
Succubus her nature be, she draws the air from you and me and yet a tempest all in one
Be hastened away by her tempest shrill
and collar you for good
Be alert not to roam too far
from your neighborhood

Suppose that I wasn't meant to be here
That I wasn't meant to go the places that I gone
That I wasn't meant to do the things that I've done
that I wasn't meant to be me

Supose that I was destined to be someone else
That my spirit was fated for something else
That who I am and who I should be are two different things

Suppose that when souls were being assigned a purpose and a life
I looked at my future
and wasn't satisfied
And I saw another life
and saw a deeper meaning and purpose

Suppose that within the life I saw many people who would need my help
I saw a woman who was told by the doctors that she couldn't have any children
I saw child who had lost their mother
I saw a woman who had lost a father and sister
I saw a child whow needed a guidence

Suppose that when I saw these things
I knew what I had to do
I had to defy fate
Create a new destiny
Be that child
Be that mother
That sister
That guide
Be me

Suppose that these things are true
And is evident within those sad moments where I feel like I don't belong here
And in those happy moments when I feel that the life I'm living is something precious that I had to steal

Once upon a time...
Isn't that how the story starts?
The one that everyone wants to happen.

Is it because of the hope of a smooth story?
Or the promise of happily ever after?
What happens if the story goes astray?

Does the world seem to go into chaos, or do you try to find the ending?
What about starting over,
     Instead of going to an unfortold story?
Or is an unfortold story best for this person?

No one ever looks to the past for the answers.
No one ever asks for guidence in their travels.

Why travel head strong to the future without the past...-
     When it's the past itself that's getting you to the future.
Every step, turn, twist, sprint counts.
Everything is put into the equation.
Where you end up is only for you to decide.

No one can know,
     If it will be a happy ending.
It is one's own perception that makes something happy.

How someone takes from experiences
     Turns into the story one tells.
It turns into their happily ever after.

your words muddle together like a horribley woven web of broken promises.
but I know the power of words, I am a poet.
Your colloquy is irregular and nonsensical.
your mind can not put together one and two since the cancer knocked him out.
but that does not give you the golden pass to be a trainwreck, with your moods like a train.
stand up for yourself and get your head out of that deep rabbit hole you've stupidly been digging for too long.
help me love life and look foward to my future, instead of stating what is best for me.
strangers walking by have given me more hope in a single conversation than you have.
maybe me wanting to be a hostess is my literal way of flying from the nest, but i'm not afraid to jump.
I'm eager to blindly jump, possibly fall, scrape my hands and keep on going.
I look foward to the day that my flight lands and I will be in a foreign hotel room all by myself.
The true problem I believe is that I am okay with being alone, sometimes all the time.
Never have I found that one person where I would truely be sad to be away from all the long day and night.
There is my true problem.
I do not get close to people in fear that I will become attached and then it will make me crazy when they are not near.
I harden my heart and hurt myself instead of others.
I know how it feels to get slashed down by the saber of rejection or desertion, so why would I ever force that upon another?
I am alone in this world and I am content.
Not happy about it nor am I sad, simply content with what is always going to be.
Do not get me wrong, I do feel emotions, I am not a robot.
I have times varying from complete happiness to absolute blubbering depression.
But other than that I am in a neutral zone of numbness.
both mind and body, completely numb.
My body goes into a sort of hibernation of its own.
where my mind is speeding up but the functions of my body start to slow and fade away.
My life is stuck and often constipated, like I'm am at then end of my road.
I stay in this same motion because I am comfortable and too afraid to leave that isolation blanket that has kept me warm for so long.
There are blips in my life where I feel I found someone worth anything.
Our eyes will meet at a social gethering, we get to talking and then when he leaves, the look he gives is like no other.
His eyebrows furrow, wrinkles lay besides his eyes, his smile makes me feel wanted for once in a long time.
what's bad is that i'm already obligated to another, so why do I want to spend time with this new brown haired boy?
I guess he gives me something my own does not give to me now.
what he gives me is hope. A new light of guidence that carries me on through the current prison in which I am entrapped.
Where I am right now, I still don't know.
I curl up like a baby on my cold bed and sob, wondering what I am doing with my life.
I listen to the music of sugar plum fairies and tin men dancing to calm me down.
I realize that what I want most of all is a dream.
Dreams get you through the rough patches in life.
But that is when it hits me, what I don't have is a dream. I've never been blessed with that gift.
I am okay with that now. Because now I don't have to spend so much time on my dreams.
I get the chance to watch others live their dreams, and that makes me happier than anything.
To watch anothers face light up because of pure bliss, that is my happiness.
I've learned to live through others, and I am content.
I'll be okay.

You tell me to do this,
Yet you never did it.
You can't tell me to do right,
When you only know what sin is.
Don't tell me to be quiet,
Because I don't fit in
'You know what I'm going through'
Yeah because you're Jesus
Standing in front of me in thin air
Come back when you're perfect .

And please shut up,
Because you're just wasting
God's limited air

I used to run-Never for fun--I would more often be running away from something than to it. I think it started in childhood. Never staying in one place long enough to have to fight every kid in the school.-I liked and i hated it. More often i had no control over it. On reflection it was for the better, my nose bleed too much for a kid my age. -In the second phase of my running career I began running out. Never telling the bosses to go play in heavy tracffic or do your **** self. I had morales and above all practised good manners. Instead i would tell the bosses that i was taking out the trash and make my freedom dash. -Oh, beleive me I flet free. The funny part was when the bosses would call my parents. Just as countless pricipals would do when i skipped classes. My parents would luagh and call them an ***. -Then i began running away. I only did it once...well that's a lie. I ran away from my highschool guidence office, far too drunk to face my parents scorn. "Yeah i drank it all. i replaced it with water, much healthier." -The last time I ran away I thought I was going to find myself. I had lost a part of myself to drugs and alcohol. I thought for sure i would find myself on the other side of the country on a small island on the Pacific Ocean. I went to rehab and could not find the person i went looking for. I thought briefly i had found myself, but when I looked in the mirror i could not even recognize my own face. I blamed my mustache. -I realized that running away to find myself i ran away from my family and my friends. Alas the old dies so the new can be born. -In my opinion if one is to run away it's for good. Never to return to such and such a place again, unless of course you have to do your taxes.

I feel like everything I do means nothing,
like what I say doesn't affect anyone.
I feel like walking away from it all,
but I just don't want to give up.

He used to make my heart fly and feelings soar,
but now he only makes me cry.
I don't want to give up on all we had,
I know we can be so much more.

She was my very best friend,
someone who I could always confide in.
Now she won't even talk to me,
and I can't figure out why...

I'm trying to make myself happy this time,
but everyone else gets mad.
It's like what I want doesn't even matter,
and what I need isn't relevant.

I've spent my life trying to make everyone else happy,
and for once I'm trying to do stuff for me.
But everyone else is throwing fits,
and everyone is ****** at me.

I can't make you all happy,
I can't make my life make sense.
I'm lost and confused and I'm sitting here crying,
I'm waiting for someone to come and climb over this wall.

Doesn't anyone see the signs?
don't you all see me, sitting here, crying, alone.
Why don't you try to help me along,
what is so wrong with me that I can't do it on my own.

I can't make my life make sense anymore,
and I'm reaching for the blade.
As long as I was clean before,
that changed and I can't make it stop.

I'm struggling and I'm fighting and I'm crying out,
but no one around seems to hear.
Please someone just make some sense out of life,
please send me some kind of guidence....

**I need an Angel

You reached in
and grabbed me out of my skin.
Your hands on my waist
demolished the barriers i placed
even though i wanted to keep them there.
I have been swimming
in a sea of desyrel and prozac
and more often than not
I drown.
"There are worse things
than being alone"
I know, i know, but
i'm always at a low
ever since he had me at hello.
He told me once
he must have told me 30 times before
he's just a man
taking what he needs from the store,
and i am always serving,
giving him shelter from storms
giving him bandages for sores.
The tables are turning
and when i ask for guidence
all i get are bruises
there are no more soft kisses
no more tracing your name
into my skin.
You flip a switch so quickly
i am left terrified of your prescence.
I walk on eggshells aroud you
but they always break,
you told me i am too heavy
but i am trying to fix that.
You used to make me feel pretty,
now you only make me feel ******
and frankly i like the bruises
because they tell me i need to be stronger.
I want to fit so badly into your arms
but you are not her.
You are a replacement
until she comes back home
back to where she belongs.
I never loved you
i just love what you do to me

I'm asking you a desperate favour!
just let your attention waver!,
i dont need you to remind me im alone,
i dont need you to tell me no ones waiting for me at home.

I'm asking for your compassion,
when it comes to tonights reaction,
dont wait for me till i'm on my own,
then tell me that theres no one by my lonely throne.

Just give me a break from this emptyness!
that echoes in savage wilderness.
around me are a thousand faces,
none trigger my heart to rapid races.

im waiting for you in crazy silence,
no voices offering a lovers guidence.
So leave me in my isolation,
till this heart feels loves' or any elation.

Once upon a life too short, I stumbled upon an interesting sort...      
These fragile people, too broken to cope, that sought council and guidence and a thing known as hope
While some found religion which gave out great strength, others found partners who they've loved ever since
But some, they're still searching and I guess so am I, for one thing that will guide me till the day that I die
So I say this to those who are still searching too, I hope you find something that brings hope to you

Free-Write 12
What's up with this feeling?
This unfamiliar feeling, dealing blows to my core
Bass shaking up the ceiling
I tremble with each quake trying to find stable ground
But struggle to find it, see I don't make a sound
The building is collasping and my mind gets to racing,
chasing an idea I haven't yet schemed up
yet another vivid scenero I've just so happened to dream up
a place where every thought and idea seems to fall and become debris around me
and my heartbeat emerges and lashes out wildly
as if to get my attention but I try hard not to listen
because my hearts desires arnt always morally acceptable
at least by my mind standards
You see I fear that emotion can drive us crazy
So I conceal apart of me because I couldn't seem to find a balance
And plus I'm tryna stay focused but it's strange without guidence
And at times when things don't happen to make sense
And the pressure gets too intense it happens to breakfree and dispense the nonsense that I've refused to hear into my consciousness.
Therefore I ask myself, what is this?
Why do I think when I must act?
I understand a need for caution
but maybe a leap of faith is a far better option
You've gone this far, don't hesitate, take action
If you fail, well good
Because if you hadn't how else would you have knew
I swear to you in time you will improve
Because in life there are things you must do
But you won't be able to if you can't prove
That when the oppurtunity shows, you will ensue.

Some nights I lay awake thinking about my day or about my life and I wonder did I do anything to see what I have seen to expeirence what I have experienced. I tell myself no I havent but that is not the reason why I have seen what I have seen and I have experienced what I have experienced. I know that I was put on this earth for a reason and who put me on this earth and that is God himself. He wanted to show me and have me experience what I have for many reasons. I may not know all the reasons and may never know all the reasons but I know some. I know that God wants me to become a great strong women of him and show people the right path to take in life. I may not know all the ways to the right path but I know alot of them. For instance drinking alcohol is a horrible thing to do. It messes up your life so much to the piont where you may not even exist to people that love you and you love. Yes those poeple will always love you and you will always love them no matter what but they pretend you dont even exist so they dont get hurt because they know you can do better in life. When you have family and friends by your side each and every step of the way it is so much easier you think. If it is an addiction or just life no matter who is at your side other then God it is not easier. He will guide you be there for you catch you when you fall and pick you right back up. Yes family and friends is a thing in life that you do need but not as much as God. (John 3:16 For God so�loved the world he gave his only begotten son for who so ever believed in him shall not parish but have ever lasting life.) So if you dont know him I deeply and strongly encourage you to get to know him and ask him into your heart. If I have learned one thing its that life is pretty much impossible without him well thats what it seems to me and my life. Everyone is different there lifes are to. For all the things I have seen and experienced I have needed him for either guidence, faith, or support. It has always been easier to me having him there each and everytime I have needed him. Even if the answer wasn't the answer I was looking for he has been there for me. There is a few more things like medications for mental illnesses. There is no such thing most of the time with peoples behavior its because the person wants attention from people they love. Some people were shown the only way to seek attention is doing dangerous behavior and making negitive choices. You have choices oppertunities in life to make the right decisions and you have oppertunities chioces to make the wrong. Let me tell you will know when you make the wrong choices and the right because it shows in your life. You dont need medication you need God he will give you the attention and wisdom you are seeking. When your family and friends are not there for you giving you what you need. I have had times in my life where I have had to go to him instead of my family or friends for wisdom and attention. He is a really good source and person to go to when you need wisdom and attention. He is also there when you feel alone and depressed you may feel alone but you are not alone he is right there beside you. You may feel that this obsticle in your life is impossible to get over its not just pray ask for help he will help you in ways you would never ask for or even imagine. He is such a great person the greatest person you will ever have in your life. He will always be there for you even if you slip more then once just ask for forgiveness and he will forgive you each and everytime you ask for it. You will never have to think about your slip ever again for when he forgives you he lets go never remebers it again. You may ask for forgiveness from your family and they may hold it against you forever but he will never do that to his children. Remember this always he is with you each and every step of the way and will always be there for you. He has always been there for me.

hey, god
it's me.

are you even there?
because i feel like i've been leaving voicemails in a long lost friends mailbox and never receiving a call back
and now i cannot leave anymore because it is full  

do you even hear me?
i've been screaming my prayers for a long time now and
i
am
getting
desperate
i just want some of your guidence
please
help me navigate through the stormy waters i am going to be swallowed up in

do you even know me?
i am one of your children
yet i feel left behind
like the lost sheep matthew and luke spoke of
but nobody is coming to find me

is it because i don't go to church on sunday?
is it because i don't read the bible?
is it because i don't know the stories by heart?
what is it?
please.
i am lost and i don't think i will be found this time

please
give me some guidence
show me your face
just give me something so i can make it through to see the sun rise tomorrow

My strength,
my guidence,
my solace,
my guard,
He provides me
with shelter
and calms
all my storms.

He lifts me
when needed
Grants me peace
when I pray,
He is there at the begining
and end of each day.

Although it may seem
He does not always care,
the truth be known
He carries each
burden
I bear.

He is my Light,
He guides my way,
He gives me Hope
For brighter days.

His Love
is unending,
His friendship is free,
He is my Salvation
for me
to be me!

Once again i reach my hand in the cabnet
and i find myself lost searching for relif as ive already passed out on the floor....i
ve been searching for something greater...
but i knoow who i am in Christ
and i know i dont need alchohal....
but its an addiction already..
where do i seek guidence?...
i feel like everyone around me would only lose hope in me.
Thats why the truth kills me,
i know the truth in what im doing,
and what i should be doing..

Today I set off walking from home to highways end,
not minding wind and weather in my search to find a friend.
I saw the sun arising and I saw it as it set,
and still I keep on walking as my friend as yet unmet.
I found a young girl crying leaving puddles on the ground,
so I bid her walk beside me as for yet my friend unfound.
We saw a man so nervous that he quickly tried to hide,
but together we encouraged him to come walk by our side.
A woman possessed by demons that doubted her self worth,
was the next to join our party as we walked this pleasant earth.
Children in need of guidence and adults that lost their way,
slowly joined our gathering as we searched both night and day.
Young and old of many colours many creeds and different faiths,
made up our growing numbers of the long forgotten waifs.
Well we lifted up the fallen and we carried the sick and lame,
and searched as one together for the one for which I came.
We gathered to us safely the mute the deaf the blind,
and held their hands to lead them for not one was left behind.
So although I searched in ernest my friend was never found,
for a friend is but a stranger that you've yet to invite round.
Remember then whilst walking in an unfamiliar place,
that the person that you meet next could be wearing a sad face.
It would only take a moment to change it to a smile,
and maybe you can join us as we walk the golden mile.

I don't need direction
I don't need your guidence
You sound like everything I hate
Theres nothing in your "hallowed" shell
Theres nothing you have to give
When i've already cursed the numbers
The time has already come
You missed it
You were never there
When you were it hurt
When you were it tore me open
I've bled out all my empathy
Im not looking for you to rescue me
When you can't even lift your wings
From the heavieness of your parades
Don't you think it's getting late?
Don't you think it's time you go home?
Walk away like you fade in the wind
Because I don't have memory of us
I don't recognize you
I guess I'm just staring into the face
Of a Ghostly past
A Ghost of my past

And Like that.
I had this overwhelming urge.
I don't know what came over me.
I asked God is this the route I should take.
This habit of association.
To **** out what may seem to be selfish.
Time is of the essence.
This illusion of what is definite or what may not be.
Certainly this proclamation arrived out of nowhere.
Again I asked.
Notating my lack of patience.
I found the choir of mind without direction.
They stood and hummed.
Some in que.
Others were all over the place.
Without a podium or overreaction to the problem.

Amen, acknowledging your grace.
This aura highlighting sudden fixation.
I sought guidence.
Leaving the trail Whince I came.
I felt pain in my rib.
A spiritual curriculum decided by what's missing.
Again I asked.
More left to the imagination
A reiteration of urge.
The potency of silence.
Engaged by a look.
I understood what the choir was saying

I'm ever consumed by your presence cause I know time is of essence. Being with you makes my heart sings and together we have accomplish many things. I wish I could take away all of your pain , to love you in such away you have my whole heart to gain. It's a pleasure to hold you in my arms and hold you tight, while praying God guidence each and every night. I would love to know or think what you feel, cause the love your heart expressess makes me weak in the knees. When I stare in your eyes I never wanna move, a love like yours no man should lose.

I close my eyes,
Not even God will erase the memories from my mind
Red covering my mom's shirt,
You yell at her, she cries
She fights back, trying to process
Where things got wrong.

Now you live your best life,
And my mother can't lie, but she tries to fake her smile
I feel pain when I lay at night
Life's not great, life's not good
All because of you.

I try to catch the light,
I ask for guidence
Please, I don't want to break again
Breathing, sometimes, feels hard
You think everything's fine
All I can do is fake a smile and lie,
Saying 'I love you' when you call.

I don't need the world in the palm of my hand
I don't need my own house or even my own land
I don't need any monetary thing or two
I dont need these to say I love you

I don't need a fancy car or even jet pack
I don't need any tea set or knick knack
I don't need any of them it's true
These aren't the things that made me say I do

I need your heart, your warming smile
I need your hope when mine is gone for a while
I need you to have and to hold
Because of these things I want to keep you, hold you til I am old.

We may have started off a little as friends
Now your a beat in my heart of new trends
Even as time fades and dies as it should
I would remarry you every day if I could.
Mind, body, heart , soul
Love, hope, guidence ten fold

you won't find platonists (idealists) in german these days, you could have in the 19th century, mingling with romanticism, but these days? you will only face harsh empiricism of the revival of aristotle: esp. given the populist guidence of darwnistic dogma... but still the persiting platonism, whereby there is no longer a base of the idea (ίδηά - absolute variation: έ vs. η, given acute alpha), which has become replaced by the image (εικóνα)... platonism has become narcissism, and also the advertising industry, how platonism evolved to degrade phonetic encoding by creating coca-cola icons - why on earth are word treated as images due to their copyright / trademark restrictions?!

we know what happened when
platonism approached judaism:
it gave birth to christianity...
namely plenty of "ideas" that
became reduced in value as
icons -
     but what if aristotelianism
were to approach judaism?

psili* and varia -
     the ancient greeks paid little if no
respect for judaism...
   the romans?
   they were in beserker mode,
too busy expanding an empire to
give concern for the minute concerns
of faith, heart, mind...
the "new testament" is a ****
of the original text...
   beginning with genealogy... what a ******
beginning... no edenic poetry...
   no enemy at the fore...
about time to **** the greeks
and thank them, by telling them:
                                   to *******!
i'm not being ***** whipped complaing
about reclaiming the city of l'viv
like you are concerned about rebrading
istanbul, constantinople;
this ******* juvenile nostalgia for
the past, is rife within the greek spirit,
as it is, within the islamic ummah.

if aristotelianism was to approach judaism,
after 2000+ years of platonism distorting
it... you'd get anti-linguists, like me,
    invoked by alcohol-fused berserker mode
of biting into language like
   a greenland shark...
                                     or a bull terrier:
******, i'm not letting go,
     i'll gnaw till my iron teeth clench
your bones, break them, and **** at
                                                            th­e marrow.

I have a home to which everyday i tiredly return.
I have my dad for guidence and advice, and my glamurous mom for love and companion.
I have my lovely little sister, to whom i share thoughts and secrets.
I have food in my belly,
and clothes to keep me warm.

I have everything, don´t i?
I have everything.
I have everything?


Then why does it feel like i have nothing?


I am carefull as to not to speak this outloud,
for i wish to sound ungreatful no more,
but shouldn´t i feel happier
if i have indeed everything?

i think i have nothing then.

GUIDENCE TO MANS GREED
INSIDE THE INSIDE OF MEDELY

EVIL VIEL IMPALE IMPALA

CRIES THEY IMPEACH PRINCESS LESSONS THY TEACH SKULLS OF BLOOD MONEY AND GOALS

APOLLO WANTED WRITTEN FOLIICOLES

LIMITED NOISELESS TEACHERS OF CRAFT

STOLEN MUSIC AFTER BATHSEBA BATH

MAST MASS TAKING HATERS CALLS
ONE AT A TIME LIKE THE SHEPARD

AS I

WANTED THEE
GOALS FOR PURPOSE HAND TO HAND GUIDENCE
UNTRUSTED FRUIT THEY BEAR

COMPARED TO WHAT DUALITY THEY CREATED GIVEN MONEY TO ONLY THERE FAMILY AND FRIENDS

GODSPEED HES SEEN EVERY THE THI'N I N"G