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When I was 14 and younger I had my uncle Tom he was not only my uncle he was my bestfriend. I loved him dearly and he loved me. When I would come home from being in Montanna or I would just be comming over he would hug me like I was gone for attornity. He would hug me so tight it felt so good to be held like that and to know I was missed so much by a special man. His hugs were not the only thing his name for me was to I was called moon. When I was born he was the first man to hold me other then my father and from the time I was put in his arms to the time he looked at me and into my eyes I have been his moon. To this day I still dont know why I was his moon but when I would be upset and be crying he would wrap me in his arms and tell me "Dont cry my moon everything is going to be ok" and from those words I would fall asleep in his arms and know everything was going to be ok. Although my uncle died in 2006 he is greatly thought of and missed by his moon. My uncles death was the hardest death for me not only because it was the first in my life but because he was such a special man in my life. For the first year it was hard to think of him gone I would always think I was gone and I would see him soon. It is very hard to finally realize a person that you love and meens so much to u is offically gone forever. A few years go by and you are finally getting the hang of being without  that specail person and finally feel ok about it. You do heal from it just takes a long time and you do move on. My advice is do the things that special someone would want for you and accomplish them. If its a sport dont stop playing because you feel like you are teasing them do it cause you and that special someone loved to do it together. Dont stop something you love to do just because that special someone you did it with isnt there to do it with you. Its not rubbing it in its keeping a good game or activity going that you and that special someone did together. I promise you keep thriving they will be proud because you know what makes them proud.
Why is it every time you live somewhere it feels like your not wanted. Even with your parents or parent you feel like your not wanted. Even if you try your best to make everyone happy and accept you still dont feel wanted. I guess when you let go of people that do hurt you you feel even lonlier because u dont have them hurting alot.Its like an empty space in your life which i guess would be good because its not any pain but your so use to it it feels like your missing a big piece in your life.Because your so use to taking the blame and dealing with the hurt. You want it back so you dont feel lonly but you dont want it back because it is nice not having everything be blamed on you even if you didnt do it. Guess what i really am missing is church god in mylife and feeling is love and appearence in mylife. Knowing that he is with me each and every step of the way. Knowing and feeling the love and appearence of him. I need christian friends people that can show me a good path and how to be in control of mylife. To show me how to guide my siblings the way my mom wants to guide them. Show my siblings that i can be obediant with them and my parents. Not to yell or stomp my feet when i get mad or fusterasted. Not to get annoyed when my littles sibs say something over and over to acknowledge them calmly and not yell. To be able to give them adivce and love them when they want to be loved. I want that for them because I never had it so I am going to try and be calm with them and be nicer to them. I want them to be able to be close to them and love them unconditionally.  Even when they tell my parents about every little thing i have to deal with it and know they are doing because they care. I didnt know how much caring would be so hard to except even when it doesnt annoy you. I know deep down in my heart i love it and i am smiling trying to hide it because i love it . Even if it is something that i love i still like it in the end. But it still ***** that its gone. end the end i know its because they love me. They wouldnt of taken me in if they didnt.
It is ******* when a child is being abused everday for no reason other then there born. If you dont want children. Heres 2 ideas dont have *** or if u do use a ****** and birth control or adoption. It is no fare to a child being abused for there parents lack of protection or chioces. That child has a right to live a good life. The child will do anything for one person to touch them in a postitive way. To feel loved cared for and nertuerd the way all children are suppose to be treated. There is a difference between spanking and abusing your child. 1 you dont leave marks. 2 You do it out of love not hate. 3 You tell them you love them after you spank them. "You dont cuss or tell your child you are a **** of **** go to hell I wish you were never born you are a mistake" you dont abuse your child its wrong and illegal when you do abuse your child and say those things they believe you because they dont know who else to believe other then there parents. They already wish they werent born when you abuse your child. They want out of the abuse but they dont know how so they stay. So when they grow up they either commit suicside become alcoholics, drug addicts or become abusive to there child or children. It is ******* that people adults watch this and let it happen. Even if you are not sure ask the child. The child might want to tell you but cant. The child will tell you because no child wants to be abused no child. If they dont get the help they need they will struggle there whole lifes over there abuse. Tell someone immediatley so they can get the help they need immediatly before its to late. Some even die for there parents the parents will stab them shoot them or beat them to death. Then when you did know about that child being abused you will feel guilty for not going to anyone about that child. So STOP CHILD ABUSE before its to late. Stop them from bringing abuse into there family. They may abuse there children because they were never taught how to disapline there child right. So the adult that abused when younger will " disapline" there child or children the way they were taught by abusing them. Its not right to let this go on not only is it not right but its sick to let it go on. STOP CHILD ABUSE now by telling someone if you know someone is being abused or even if u have a slight idea. Stop them from beong a concrete angel. Another peace ofstone on the ground.
when I am all alone in my room it's peaceful physically. Although mentally my head is so busy and loud its not funny. I tend to stare off into space and think about my mom and and dad actually my whole biological family. How there not there for me and never have been unless it was to have something to be blamed on me even if I didnt do it. I would take the blame for it and move on hurt in everyway you could imagine. Hurt to the piont where I could let go of them and never look back again. Although I just keep going back back to get there approval over every little thing. So I can just feel there love even if it hurt me I knew it was still love love from them. As I live with a non bio family member I think I am wasting alot of time by hurting myself and them alot. When I have a family right where I am that loves me like I was there biological family memeber. There child and there sister. I dont need to go through all the pain I put myself into to get the love I am looking for I have it right where I am. The parents treat me just like there children. The kids they treat me like there own sisters and brother. I believe I was sent through all the things I was sent through so I could know and feel what a real family feels like. Like conconditional love and disapline. They consider me one of there children when they introduce me to someone they already know they introduce me as there daughter. I know that they love me and would do anything to protect me from any harm at all no matter what I know if my husband was beating me or my children my mom would kick his *** tell he couldnt move and would go to jail for it. I know thats how much they love me and same thing with my dad. Of course I still love my biological parents I always will but I know 100% I am safe, wanted blame free when its not my fault and loved right where I am. For me to be able to move on and heal my wounds my biological family did to me I have to let them go. That doesnt meen I wont ever get to see them it meens not putting myself out there to see them and in the end getting hurt. I have to remind myself if they want to see me they will call me I don't have to call them and set myself up for hurt. Even if they don't call me and don'twant to see me I now that I didnt do anything wrong. I have a family right here to love me and give me the attention I need that I never had. To give me advice when I need it to guide me in the right path to disapline me into a strong independant women. So when its time to flap my wings and fly I can do it on my own and do strong. Stronger then I even imagined I can ever be before I met Kelly and Carl my true parents. The ones that have shown me the true meening of life, family and love. They have shown me I don't need the extra baggage on me and need my biological parents to approve every little thing I do. That I don't need to get hurt by my biological parents and family and be blamed for every little thing my parents did while I was a child I can live through life not feeling guilty for taking the blame for that because I know it wasnt my fault I was just a child being put through hell and back. Shoved from one home to another and blamed for my biological parents drugs and alcohol abuse. I can let all of it go and live and soon flap my wings and fly my life the way it should have been flown in the begining. How do I let go of all the extra baggage is support from my true family and my true friends. I would never be able to get through life without them.
I know a girl that got pregnant at the age 14. When she turned 15 a month later she had her baby. When she saw her baby girl for the first time she was so happy. The way the baby looked reminded her of the baby's father. When the baby's father saw her for the first time he cried because of how beautiful the baby was. He knew right then he had a responsiblity of another life. He knew he had to show his daughter the right way to live her life and so did the baby's mom. Well that happened just not the way you would think. The child had to go through alot to learn what to do and not to do and know how to live her life. She had to learn the way that was the hardest way she knew. She had to see her mom get taken away from her so much and she would be cry histarically for her mom she would kick the police and bite them to be with her mom. She didnt want her mom to go away from her. She hated having her step dad around becuase he was always so verbally and physically abusive to her mommy. She would watch her step dad hit her mom and leave her bruises. The little girl got abused when she was little by her biological dad twice. The first time she had to do a report and that is it and then went to fostercare. The second time she did a report and then went to the police station to get pictures done of the proof. Then she went home and went to school the next day. While she was at school the police came to talk to her and take more pictures. Then 2 people took the girl to a fostercare home and she spent 5 days there. While she was there her mommy was in jail for drugs. Her mommy was a drug addict and didnt want to come and get her. The only reason she did was because the little girl was going to be in perminant fostercare. If her mommy wouldn't get her. Her mommy and family would never get too see her. All this still haunts her but her life has gotten amazingly better. She has a job and is going to school and is going to graduate in 2012. She is a very determined strong independant women and hard worker. She loves kids and loves her parents alothough they put her through all that. She loves her whole family and would do anything to make them happy. She will protect them and take care of them. She also has 5 sisters and 2 brothers. she would take a bullet for them each and everyone of them not matter what she will always be there for them. Even if they do something she doesnt agree with or bad she will still always be there for them. That is what a true family member does for her family.
When children are abused I cant help but feel so bad and cry for them. When children are abused they dont know what is happening especially if its your own parents or parent. They dont know because of the shock and **** they are going through. All they know at that moment is that they are getting yelled or or getting charged at and they know they are going to be beaten with something. They have the shock and there heart is racing very fast. They dont know whats going to happen next they dont know if they are going be in horrific pain to the piont they cant move or not. All they know what to do is do exactly do what the person is doing to them what they say with out answer anything but yes and  do it. If they dont there will be more horrific pain. With all this happening to them knowing that right then all they feel is physical pain. Later in life they figure out that it wasn't just physical it was emotional and mental to. How was it mental and emotional by knowing that there own parent or parents did that to them. It haunts them for the rest of their lifes more so if it happens more then once. It makes them feel like they can never trust anybody in there lifes ever again. They build a wall up and dont let alot of people in because they are afraid of getting hurt again. Most kids end up in fostercare for what there parents did to them. So when they are there in the fostercare home do you think they feel safe and happy? If you thought yes you are wrong they are more scared then ever because they have strangers around them and no one they know. The foster parents may say your safe and hug you but you still dont feel safe and loved because  they dont have people around them that they know love them. Most of the time they just want there parents although they just got abused and but through all that pain. Its becuase most of the time they are not themselves. They are either drunk or high. The kids know that and they know that there parents must be nice when they are sober becuase they have seen there friends parents nice to them. When children are being abused when they are young they most likely dont ever wanna go home they want to be at school or somewhere they are happy. When all that is taken away from them all they want to be is home in the abusive place becuase thats where they realized was the most comforting safest place is at home in there room. Most of the time its either friends or a sibling that calls the police becuase thats all they know what to do. Usally its a sibling that is either scared and wants help or is treated better then the one that is getting abused. If the child that goes away to a foster home with out a sibling. She is more likely to get scared and put a shield up towards anybody that she doesnt know and trust. She most likely wont talk to anybody. She will cry most of the day because she feels like she is alone and doesn't have anyone around her. Even when the other foster kids and parents are there and willing to calm her down and comfort her. She wont let them because she wants someone she can trust and she knows to calm her down and comfort her and hold her. The simple words coming out of someone they knows mouth "Its going to be ok I am here for you to hold you comfort you to calm you down when you are upset." Those simple words to a child meen the world to them when they got abused and are taken away from the situation. Those words may seem nothing to you but to that child it meens everything more then you can imagine unless you went through it. You went through it like me I wrote this because I know people that have got abused just like me. I wrote this because I know how it feels to be be abused by your parents and then feel like you have no one until those words are said then you feel like you have someone. That its going to be ok and someone is finally going to treat you the you deserved to be treated loved cared for and supported no matter what you do in life. When you have the right people in your life you dont realize what your life was like back then until you have the right people in your life and they show you the true meening of life happiness and love and trust. Although you have the happiness love and trust your past abuse or abuses still are there for the rest of your life. Its ok though because you know what not to do to your children and what to do to your children. You can raise them right by showing them you care love and want happiness for them and they can always trust you for anything. If its for those special words of if its for adivce. They will always know you are there for them no matter what. even if you think they dont because they are doing something you dont like they still love care and want happiness for you. So what you can do is stop child abuse from happening with your kids!!!!
Thank you for reading this it meens alot to me and the people that i know that have gone through this.
I lay myself to sleep and give it all to god. So I can sleep soundly and have good dreams. Not the was I have had that are weird. So I can wake up tomorrow and be refreshed to start a new day. So I dont snap at anyone for small things they have done or haven't. So I can spend time with my siblings and be able to laugh my head off because I am having so much. Forgetting all the things that are bothering and leave them up to God. So I can an over all happy loving caring person in life. So I can give all my emotional mental and physical pain to him and let go of it forever. So I know I am in safe and caring hands with my life. I will be able to care for people as much as I can and for as long as I wont by slepping well. goodnight
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