"finalised" poems
i finalised my "divorce" today. well, it was a breakup. 2 years together, lived together, shared our cats, shared a life... all that. so yeah, it felt like a mini divorce.
and i couldn't help but notice how relatable the song "happiness" by taylor swift is now...
_"all the years i've given is just **** we're dividing up"_
he left the house a week ago. today he came by, and divided up our shared things.
_"tell me when did your winning smile_
_began to look like a smirk?_
_when did all our lessons start to look like weapons_
_pointed at my deepest hurt?"_
when i first met him, it was the stuff of fairytales - like most relationships. we shared some of the best memories of our lives together. but like all good things, it came to an end. over time, we became stressed with life's responsibilities. we became toxic to each other, and both made terrible mistakes. towards the end, it became the inevitable to end things.
_"after giving you the best i had_
_tell me what to give after that?"_
i gave it my all. we both tried our best. it just wasn't meant to be.
_"haunted by the look in my eyes_
_that would've loved you for a lifetime"_
how i wished he was the one... given any chance, i would've loved him for a lifetime. i miss him. i miss the life we shared. i grieve for the future we will never have.
_"i can't make it go away by making you a villian"_
but just because the relationship failed, it was still extraordinarily beautiful. i hold zero resentment towards him at all. no negative feelings. i wish him all the best in the future.
_"no one teaches you what to do_
_when a good man hurts you_
_and you know you hurt him too"_
these lyrics hit me the most...
_"there'll be happiness after you_
_but there was happiness because of you"_
goodbye, lover. maybe in another lifetime, our paths will cross again. but for now, i wish you all the happiness in the world. i will always have love for you deep in my heart.
Dec 20, 2022
Dec 20, 2022 at 11:23 AM UTC
She says: WHY R U STILL LAYING THERE?
First she whispered, then she spoke and then she screamed
cause it seemed like i was consciously deaf.
'You say ur tired but are you really?
You say ur done but do you mean it?
You sure don't act like it.
You were happy, you were at peace cause i've seen it'
Well, now i'm not, i answered.
I'm emotionally broken cause he broke me,
My heart so full of feelings, they might choke me.
Feeling it wraps its cold hands around my neck,
As i gasp for air, waiting for my lungs to fill,
fuel my body with energy and try to fight back.
But i lack hope, so i finally gave up.
I fell so hard spiritually,
i landed on my back and decided to stay there.
Why? because:
There's only an amount of weight i can bear.
I feel like i passed the limit, twice
then three, four and five times.
So I've had it! My goal is so far, i can't even grab it.
Instead of feeding my spirit i overfed my habit.
Pulling myself away of His light, while my world turns black.
Crawling into the darkest corner
far away from Him cause i'm to ashamed to show my face
Ignoring her calls, denying His arms, disregarding His embrace.
Forgetting His grace and neglecting my thoughts.
And then she, the inner voice in me,
finalised our dialogue.
Why are u broken while He healed you?
Why are you a slave while He freed you?
Ain't there anything that you've memorised.
Rise up before you realize it's to late.
before your inner voice, actually the voice of God, is gone.
Cause then you'll get as cold as the floor that you're laying on.
Dec 24, 2013
Dec 24, 2013 at 1:58 PM UTC
there is a part of me that
chases, clamors for, craves your touch
(soft, steady, gentle or far too much)
a stubborn/reckless fraction
of an imperfect whole;
yearning to cage the still uncaged,
to catch myself a lost angel.
but your heart is too fragile,
too precious and too complicated
(untarnished and unremonstrated)
and my grasping fingers, they
would leave smudges and stains
handprints upon a handkerchief
****** white in this world of ink.
you are not a blank canvas
that tempts one into leaving a mark
(writing my name, my love on your skin);
you are a finalised masterpiece,
every line perfection,
and to change, covet or chain you
would be the highest blasphemy.
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 2:28 PM UTC
I offer no useful explanation
No news flash story on the madness of my life
Cause there's sorrow and sadness, yes
and loss and
"yes and no" answers
25 years of grieving bereavement
Me at my hastily finalised funeral
Songs and soundtracks
A casket carried out
To far approaching forever
Awkward; pausing moments
The pall bearer moves, nervously
Slips
Someone
Plants an assuring hand-
Mateship stays but Death-
Death
goes on and on and on
Rattle ump thump
And the end is never near,
And always.
Oct 9, 2014
Oct 9, 2014 at 7:36 AM UTC
Waiting Waiting..........
Always WAITING.... !!!
After A While...
Becomes FRUSTRATING... !!!!!
Like Waiting For A Train...
That’s Gonna Make You LATE... !!!
Because It’s Been............. DELAYED...
Or... Waiting For The Day...
When Girlies Play STRAIGHT...
Instead of... Playing Games...
When It Comes To Getting Laid... !!!!
Ya See Waiting Is A Game...
That ISN’T Fun To Play... !!!
If What You’re Waiting For...
DOESN'T Guarantee Rewards... !!!
Like Music From Producers...
Who Have ALL The Excuses...
For Why It Takes SO LONG...
For Them To Finish Songs... !!!
To Me These Guys Act FUNNY...
When It Comes To Getting MONEY... !!!!!
“We need to be paid,
before we play a single note !
That’s it okay, no time to wait,
or for debate !
If you want your stuff,
to really sound tough !
Pay us up front,
and you’ll get what you want !”
That’s How It STARTS...
UNTIL Cash DEPARTS... !!!
But Then You're Left....
WAITING............................ ..
Waiting... WAITING.... !!!!!
And Then You're Left Stationed...
Unable To... “Move”... !!!!!
Just Like Black Nations....
... Requiring FOOD... !!!
STARVED of Information...
About Your Tunes... ?!?!?
Waiting Like SATAN...
With A Darkened Mood...
Because You Want CLOSURE.
Before Your Composure...
Gets Lost And Confused...
Because These Guys...
... AREN’T Telling You...
When Things Are FINALISED...
... Which Is NOT COOL.... !!!!!
Because INDUSTRY Types....
AREN’T Known For The Truth... !!!!!
Or For Doing What’s RIGHT... !!!
By Artists... Who....
Place TRUST In Them... !!!
These Industry Heads...
Who... Play The FOOL... !?!
But Walk Away PAID...
Even If Your Tunes...
Don’t Sell Or Get Played...
Like... Biebers' Do.... !!!!!
I Guess It’s Like Blacks...
Waiting For Reparations... !?!
Because Your Track’s...
Getting NO Rotation... !!!!
... ON Radio... ???
Or... In Your Own Home... !?!
It’s True.... White Folks...
Play The Same Old Role...
NO Getting Past GO...
Until THEY SAY SO.... !!!
Its The Same Old Story....
WITHOUT Denzel...
Or A Film Called... " Glory "... !!!
BIG WIGS Turn Tricks...
More Than They Make HITS... !!!
And The OTHERS Try To Smother...
By Pulling STROKES Like BUTTER...
When THEY TOO Are...
..... BLOODSUCKERS..... !!!
SICK ********** Type HUNTERS... !!!
Just Waiting For Young Prey...
To ABUSE While They Make HAY... !!!
They Say It’s Just A Game...
That You Have GOT TO PLAY... !!!
If You Want To GET PAID... !!!!
But... Waiting In Vain...
Holds Weight TODAY...
In... Different Ways...
To Bob Marley’s Day.... !!!
Or Maybe Just MAYBE... ?
Things Just WON'T Change....
It’s A STRAIN On The Brain...
For Those... " In The Game "...
Who Play It... STRAIGHT... !!!!!
From Those Who ENTERTAIN...
To Those WAITING For THAT TRAIN ... !!!!!
CONTEMPLATING At The Station...
WHY ON EARTH Am I STILL.....
...... “ Waiting “...... ???
Jun 9, 2021
Jun 9, 2021 at 1:20 AM UTC
My beautiful suicide
Written in the stars
Tired of hiding bruises
Unhealed septic scars
Tranquillity is calling
At last I’ll be at peace
Solution finalised
Time for breath to cease
Remember all my yesterday’s
Laughter plus the tears
Running for my destiny
For more than fifty years
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 4:37 PM UTC
The ******* get bitchier by the year,
The most common insult is "that fag's queer"
I ignore the threats, laugh at the bets
And I'm still laughing when I smash in their head
Some don't believe, others try to deceive
They think I'm weak but that's what they see
Looks can be deceiving, the only quote I'm reciting
Hope they think the same when they're beaten and bleeding
My father told me not to start ****
But honestly, they just keep going at it
One day I'll snap, fall into the trap
And bust my way out as if I had a secret map
High-school horrors, mocking me
Taunting me, make me bleed
My heart is bursting full of rage and hate
You better give it up before it's too late
Fate and chance, holding hands
Slowly waltzing, eternal dance
So I'll bide my time, and spring the opportunity
Leap at it with both hands and fulfil my destiny
I know how to fight, hoping you're getting this right
I try not to overkill but I can show you lights
Showtime, centre stage, playtime, anytime
Storytime, finalised, tell it to your kids
About that one kid who took them all down
Grabbed his neck, forced him back, slammed his *** into the ground
Smiled and laughed at their pathetic attempts
The worst thing for your business is when you mess with the best!
High-school horrors, mocking me
Taunting me, make me bleed
My heart is bursting full of rage and hate
You better give it up before it's too late
I've decided, this isn't worth listening to
So what you gonna do?
I hope this gets through to you
I've decided, I now know what I'm gonna do
So what you gonna do?
When my fist meets your head and it bursts right through!
Blood on the ground and a beautiful sound
Finally, silence, paralysed by shock and horror
Didn't expect this? Didn't think of the consequence?
Should'a thought it through now let me just finish this!
High-school horrors, mocking me
Taunting me, make me bleed
My heart is bursting full of rage and hate
You better give it up before it's too late
High-school horrors, mocking me
Taunting me, make me bleed
My heart is bursting full of rage and hate
You better give it up before it's too late
May 20, 2016
May 20, 2016 at 12:53 AM UTC
I do not come to you with the usual platitudes
Things you have heard numerous times before
Though perhaps my arrogance stretches far and these words have reached your ears many a time.
How am I to know.
I would ask you, to save me.
There is no need to take any action, just keep shining.
You taught me, or rather, finalised the lesson - when my fathers should have - that you can be as fantastical as you want to be. You do not grow old, your body does.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm still growing and that there is Hope for me.
But if your light were to go - I suppose I would still live - but life would be so much darker.
Thank you for smiling when you can - I of all people know there are rainy days.
Dec 30, 2018
Dec 30, 2018 at 8:39 PM UTC
I recently received a gift,
Its sender knew me well
And though inside it caused a rift
Its meaning time would tell
But time past is gone forever and never returns
So be careful how much of the wick you burn
No query, doubt, no second guess
Entered my mind at all
I didn’t wonder, I confess,
While waiting for the curtain call
I took the bow from round the box
Felt the fabric in my hands
Turned the key, opened the locks
As I finalised my plans
‘Cos time past is gone forever and never returns
Just be careful how much of the wick you burn
And as I freed it from its prison,
From the confines of its walls,
I saw it in the moonlight glisten
As I heard the angel’s call
I felt it press against my skin
Let the icy touch devour
Leaving a trail of heat within
I met with my final hour
‘Cos my time has passed now and will never return
No, I won’t be getting a new wick to burn
The gift that I received today
Its beauty was exquisite
There was no point to cause delay
For its purpose was explicit
Copyright ©2016-2017 KF
Dec 8, 2016
Dec 8, 2016 at 1:47 PM UTC