...a diary of the falling dominoes chapter

invisibly dying from the inside out
no one is looking into unseen eyes
no one can hear a muted voice fading
no one is close enough to be near

the deafening thrums echo
anxieties’ racing heartbeat
within morphing flesh shell ,
gasping for new breath
in a hovering stale silence

from a distance
the broken mirror ricochets a subdued light ;
much closer the reflection reveals
someone I once knew by heart

now an unrecognizable mask
enshrouds a terminal emptiness
inconspicuous at a fleeting glance ,
impossible to discern what storms rage
from the inside out ,... unnoticed  

an uncontained wildfire
smoldering within,  lies in wait
for the imminent winds of change
to fan the flames into the final
eternal silent ashes

a poet reaches out demurely
offering a candid look
into the window
of the imperfect human soul

there is no poetry
met by indifference
just gathered unread words scribbled,

squandered time
dripped slowly on an empty page ;
moments turn into days
days turned into years

invisibly dying from the inside out
an unfinished life trickles out
like seeping blood evanescing
from a bottomless puncture
wounding ... penetrating the heart,
leaching out the slow death of a poet

for poetry is only words unless they touch someone ...

befallen to indifference is poetic death
by salted paper cuts ...

a muting suffocation
that hiddenly erodes away,
silencing the passion
of a musing soul
one unread word at a time ...


© harlon rivers ... all rights reserved

I watch the candle burning
The flame flickering
Pushing my hand into its midst
I feel the curious strength of something
That doesn't quite seem to exist
Evanescing, casting shapeless silhouettes
So powerful
It deteriorates that which surrounds it
Simultaneously essential
And malevolently destructive

I like to feel the heat of the wax
Dripping on my finger tips
As I grip it tightly
Pain is only a byproduct of sensitivity
Of which we can never have
In too small a quantity
I'd rather feel the pain
Watching the beads roll down my arm
Than lose that strength
In compartmentalizing
And someday you'll find me
Not burnt, not melted, but
Dancing like a shadow on the wall

Reflection
will distort this moment—

(an oasis
in the desert of memory)

the simple
wonder of the instant diminished

as gemstones
depreciated by display upon

a gold band.


Focus fades
in inching instants

(a shutter
slowly closing over a lens)

and we
imperceptibly surrender

clarity
to these evanescing essences of

youth and reminiscence.

Waning  dappled  moonlight mantles
the margin at the wild-wood edge
Stiff tufts of summer dried grass spears
sporadically sway — raking against
the  scarlet  poison  oak  leaves
gently sweeping away the moonlit silence
airing the sounds of velvet antlers rubbing
barkless mountain willow trunks bare

Subtle nuances constantly animate
twilights rhythm;  heaven flickers
upon a dark umbrage of forest pillars
softly as a candlelight’s  fluttering  glow
evanescing  half way  across  the  sky;
the  sparse  illumined  clouds  stream through
the lambent halo around the rutting moon
fleeting in the blink  of  sleepless eyes

and like the silent touch of a talisman,
transfixed eyes are entranced by all
the  restless  night  disrobes,
captured and cocooned by the seeker’s
awakened senses

An erratic,  familiar feral bark peals haughtily;
a pack of maturing spring pups yip, bellow and shriek
in youthful pursuit;  the howling report back,
ignited by the scent of a rabbit's paling squeal,
aroused by the pulse of brother wolf
rippling deeply through their blood

The dried grass game-trail crackles towards the ridge top:
an aging full moon is not enough skylight
to see beyond a seeker’s stirring silent reverie
the coyote choir’s sudden reveling echoes rekindling
an extraordinary sheltering intimacy within;

bending slithers of moonlight into a dull moonlight mantle
but I can feel its weight breaking me ,... forlorn I can't physically
reach out to touch them in an absolving moment  —
understanding love was always the purpose of being ,...

futilely repining — I  can't  face  myself  alone  again


            harlon rivers ... October  2019                                                  

.

A drop of dew
Pristine and brand new
Landed atop a blade of grass.
Though tempted by the wind's song,
Balanced itself on the blade's tip,
Strove to not trickle down
Lest the grass strand would lose its crown.
Birds stretched and perched
To take the morning's first flight
While the sunlight wrapped its
Arms around the earth & sky,
And the coy dewdrop glistened anew
In the multitude of a million hues.
Reluctantly, it began to bid
The grass fraternity adieu
Evanescing into vapour,
To accompany the wind
In the search of another grassy patch

Sombre footpaths dewed with vapours
of fear condensed I walked, petrified I
would lose command, my mind, my reason,
my reflection tormented by

a malfunctioning intellect never ceasing
to ponder. Myriads of thoughts I thought
would lead me to insanity until, forebodings
swiftly evanesced under beams before me,

incandescent light radiated by the closest
star, leaving me alone, in ecstasy
of a fearless journey within the immensity
encompassing, voluntarily surrendering

control only trusting, my gut in tune
with the natural volition of The All.

Beauty is an
evanescing
vapor trail
against an
azure sky.

Be prepared
to notice it
or expect
to miss it.

  ~mce

A sketch
A cigar burning,
smokes,
loitering indoor,
the acrid smell,
abrading,
the undersize room,
a solitary versifier,
at a table with,
rose motif,
scribbling,
the longings of stars for the clouds,
the pyrotechnics flickering,
the heat of wine,
evanescing.
Sleepless,
in the dead of night,
the fountain pen,
stranded on the paper,
staining,
arbitrarily,
till the break of day,
rendering,
ink wash painting,
a lifelike,
buttonneire of roses,
delivering,
words unspoken,
intricate sentiments.

Don't awaken me to my failures
for they're my most dependable friends.
They never forsake me;
my baneful lovers until the end.

They're the sun that blinds me as it hovers
and abandons me in the twilight.
Why is it that the sun will always go down on me
but you never will anymore?

This is my ode to severence
so severe that I will bleed out
if you extract yourself from my chest.
So sleep there and keep me arduously alive.

I've been to every surgeon of a lover that loves to cut,
and none of them can fix this breach in me.
So I stuff it with rambunctuous patterns and accessories.
I wanted you to be a ravishing accessory for me,
but you're only an accessory to my spirit's assassination.

The coronet of my history still carves a hole in my brain.
With this hole in my chest
and this hole in my brain,
I feel eternally chained to the pain.

It's as if you pierce me just to see if I still can feel.
I can tell you without proof that it's the only thing that's real.

So now my molten emotions have erupted;
evanescing everyone I know away.
I'm lava that not a soul can caress.
It's not a fun game anymore.
I don't want to play anymore.

Tired of feeling like I'm ******* deranged.
They used to cheer my name,
now they whisper it,
as if my maudlin disease is contagious.

I wish I was the hero of my own epic,
but I was drafted into a tragedy
patiently awaiting my somber ending
that seems to never want to visit me.

Wandering in heavenly skies,
Lost among dull clouds.
I saw a legion of souls,
Indifferent mass of stones.
Air was pale and
Woods were dim.
Those blackened souls solely felt nothingness,
Heaven was turned to hell.
Suddenly i felt numbness,
My feet were frigid.
And a dreadful course ran all over me,
When i saw the slaughter of that behemoth.
He was the psychotic supreme being,
He was the gravedigger of the heavens.

Ripping them apart he was coming for me,
And i was a mere soul for him.
As such grows the terror of his swings,
And every bit arises the numbness of my body.
I was craving to free myself,
But my consistence wasn't.
Under his shadow i saw myself evanescing,
All hopes were gone,death was a conviction.
His figure was adumbrating me,
I was blackened.

I had to contend,
I had to get free.
Fighting against my fears,
I had to strive against his might.
I picked up my final strength,
And rushed for the final crusade.
For if thou shall die,
Die for thy honour,die for thy eminence.

I encountered a fading moment,
In the sparkling eyes of a lady.
The gamble to express my love,
At the behest of my feelings,
Was like the evanescing tail-
Of a nugatory shooting star;
Dead in the dead of the dark.

My verses whispered in the past,
In the dreams of a dead poet.
The effort to pen my thought,
At the beat of unusual events,
Was like awaiting for dreams-
In the purposeless slumber,
And the tumultuous din of day.

But your words are my symphonies-
And in your company is my epiphany.

The doldrums of these midnight hours-
Like the receding waves at the beach,
Remind me of my evanescing youth.
I suppose,
There is profundity in waves,
That undulate in deeper oceans-
Than those that gnaw away at the shore.

you,

stitched of love
and to be loved
of death and in-between,

you,

a sublation
for frailty
becoming diamond
in the eyes of forgiveness-

evanescing
on the cusp of evergreen
with magpie beauty.

I beheld you in the distance,
that sight, descending into an alluring dream,
A dream worth evanescing from reality,
demented yet true, I was falling head over heels,
a feeling to be beside oneself with happiness.

As tenacious reality strikes-in;
with us drifting into a mellow conversation,
the respect in your words,
innocence in your voice,
honesty in your approach,
the kindness of your heart,
all had a ring to it.
As inquisitive,
You’ll never fathom the way you retailored my life.

How I wished, if I could tell you,”you’re the one”,
if I could make you mine,
if I could have you by my side for eternity,
if I could make your dreams, our dreams,
if I could hold your hand and hearten,”It’s going to be alright”,
if I could cheer you from every corner &
intrude all the way to protect you.

Now that I have all of you by my side,
without a false premise of heaven,
a world without pain,
a relationship without ebb and flow,
I promise to give you my whole,
I promise to love you through foible,
I promise to never give up on us,
I promise to persevere against all odds,
I promise to always treasure you,
for you, is all that matters.

I know you're tired of cliches.
I think about that when the sky flush's red and I wish you could see it too.
I don't wish although to tire your eyes with evanescing pigments, but I do desire to enchant you with anything I can find. When my neighbourhood is furnished scarlet, and leaves cascade with gentle pushes of the wind, I want to ask you if the world feels like a home to you. Is that a cliche too?
I wonder if you feel your skin change with the seasons. I wonder if you run you fingers along the grooves of a leaf and try to feel your own chemical changes as the months go by. Do you admire Its splendour? Do you admire your own splendour?

Bumping into a girl named Destiny
After stumbling on pebbles across the ocean
Left me with false notions
Of love and its nuances
I reckoned the water will always be satiny
And love is a painting
For the souls  waning
And the Sun shall always set for us
In the West
Laying slumber to the endearing scenery
Laying memories to a peaceful rest
Funnily, the tides always had an affinity
For washing away writings on the sand
Realizing now,
God didn't bring the two of us together
On this colorful land
With utmost sincerity
Towards a God named Romance

Even though Destiny
You changed places
And left me at the mercy of my fate
I know the horizon is unanchorable
Similarly, I know I shall go looking for you again
In these treacherous waters
Even during hard-hitting rain
With inchoate courage
Even when I'm somnambulant
Dying within the Earth's recesses
Within time's everlasting edifice
I shall foolishly go looking for you again
Just to erase your pain

And in my hour of demise
I won't expect you at my burial
I easily surmise

Because I hoped to grasp what was destined
For us
In the firmament
Of this exemplary universe
And as the Sun rises
During day-break
Nevertheless, the same way
And my soul will rise
Ending its indignation
Brought by You
Not being bothered by the evanescing memory of
You

Dreams are the tenuous of
The Divine One:

Mind's Skies are deluged, by
Vaporous wishes, evanescing
Though
Sacrificed as an aromatic gift offering
Ascending unto
Exospheric Emancipation
That abideth of the High.

Thoughts are easily fractured,
Bending like the Zephyr of the Winds,
Refracting like arbitrary and capricious,
Ambivalent particles and waves
Of light: Tis the human con

I am in the dark, squared by black and white
Four walls lacking roundedness frame my vision,
The light is golden on the shimmering leaves.

The days shorten, one at a time, the way leaves will fall
To the ground soon enough, after the pears swell,
Golden as the light on the shimmering leaves.

My life slowly narrows, a lane fading in the arisen,
My friends distance themselves with business and absence,
The golden spark in their eyes evanescing like the crescent of shimmering leaves.

My brain feels like a gold nugget, heavy with substantial matter
That encumbers the dancing space and molecule-shifting
Ahh, would my attention-love laugh and rejoice like the shimmering leaves.

New memories, comes and goes.
Like a light in the distant, evanescing.
It shines bright, then just fades swiftly.
Memories like clouds, never lasting.

Leaving shards, sharp as pain.
When mind tries to return, heartache stays.
Trying to move on will only hurts each day.
Pains heavy burden, who knows.

Pain and joy, are like seasons, rotates.
Inevitable cycle are bound to come back.
Memories shift, like drift phantoms fade.
And those phantoms are lost in a haze.
Trying to hike each phase.