I have cried more times this January than I did in 2017 collectively

nothing leaves a more sour taste than knowing you miss loving who someone once was and that they've evolved into a stranger

your faith is vanilla, your passion is sour
the label says love expires by hour
the sweet taste is lost each leap that you make
you only eat sweets and no longer have steak
but candy's mundane, overdose made it plain
its not what you thought, oh dear what a shame
you don't know whats real, or whats in your head
you cannot unspeak the words that you've said

you play the song again
(maybe nows the time)
but you still tap off beat
it doesn't seem to rhyme

"so do you like my song?"
i could not hate it more
"oh darling yes of course,"
you run straight for the door

the album looks so lovely
like your sweet collared shirt
so bite your lip and panic
his song makes your ears hurt

and as i let me palms ease open and you fly away to whatever planet youre off to again, i find a part of me running back. cart wheeling and dancing and screaming i've always loved you and you were always more than what you settled for. i've found a part of myself that cant contain its excitement to start new, to start fresh, to be whoever the **** i want to be. to kiss a stranger to have a lover who actually would fall in love with all my little flaws and mistakes and not silently criticize anything that floated in my brain. welcome home happiness, goodmorning freedom.

homeless and happy surpasses crying in a Ferrari any day
- if you've got a voice ******* use it, never be a **** robot work horse
- corporations will only swallow you if you don't put up a fight
- Republicans aren't a myth and anything is possible if your president is a reality tv star
- you create your own universe! poison only enters if you let it!
- nothing beats a secret pen pal, long live snail mail
- cashmere and friendship is Gods way of saying you'll survive winter

I think I am on my feet again for the first time in a long time since Le Brain Destruction of Spring 2016.

there is a point
where your legs will refuse you

your mind with lose you
and disagree with the words you write

your palms will ease;
slowly the tension slides off of you

as you wake up
in a purple nightgown delirious

you'll run and knock at the door of your bad habit
to find he has moved houses, and you don't remember
his phone number

4 a.m. your mind is clear
a new head sits upon your shoulders

how does one get a wink of sleep
when at 11 am tomorrow morning
i'll be sporting the latest hospital gown
being picked apart like a game of operation
while i'm high off who knows what they put in
those **** needles that knock you straight
to counting multi colored sheep

i used to be curious, full of questions
always wandering what more i could
possibly soak in like a sponge,
knowledge is power they said.

it's probably killed 7 of my 9 lives,
turned teammates into mazes, lovers
into strangers, pandora's box laughs
in my face every **** time.
(so i'll be careful with these last two lives)
quite frankly i'd like to wave my white
flag with knowledge- my bones are
too weak to fight you any further

Thirty six flowers, all of them crying
"Drown us with water, for we are all dying!"
Neglecting their plea, I sprint for the sea
With an ocean blue car that runs off of tea

****
It's hitting me and it's hitting me hard as I unpack the shoes you'd always tell me to wear into this new and vacant room, no mattress no furniture as you sleep in the bed I slept in for over a year. And who knows who will sleep there from now on and **** they better appreciate how perfect your cats are or that you don't snore in your sleep like a lot of boys do.

But that's the thing, I fell in love with a silly stupid boy. Women do not date boys. I should not have dated a boy.

you are a million twinkling stars
a sinking ship filled of butterflies
the marshmallows in my cereal

and i can't seem to get this **** grin off of my mouth that you give me everyday

daze
smooch
custard
sauce
cocktail
soup
pie
****
blood clot
dewy
wanderlust
blaming things on "society"
lima bean

I could throw up

ive lost all my words
they've slipped from my tongue
I'm fighting a war thats already
been won

you used to write when drunk
and edit when you're sober
but leaf subsides to leaf
since every things been over
you only see her face
you only write her love
her dancing grin she'd flash you
and all of the above

a jar beneath your bathroom sink
where no one ever looks
you throw me in with everything
one goodbye's all it took
you're in each word i utter out
your scent has stained my skin
while you're forgetting how i look
my love is growing thin
so here i'll be across the sea
my heart turns black and blue
oblivious to all of this
these things time loves to do

pressure
pressure
pressure
pressure
in the mind
on the thighs
in the lies
on the eyes
in the wrong
on the songs
in the *****
on the bruise

You kissed me in my kitchen and I laughed.
I looked into your eyes with that devilish grin you loved and ran away. I forgot to call for a week or two. You were so nervous then.
Eight months later and I'm shaking you over and over again to simply wake up each morning. And you fight it like you're thirteen years old on a Sunday morning begging your mom not to make you go to church just this one time.

And my love for you is non refundable and I can't put my finger on why. The math doesn't always seem to add up as I silently weep in bed for the thousandth time, but you're too high to notice. I've never liked crying in front of other people anyways.