you could search for
the reasons your entire
life but truth be told
you're ****** up and
that's all there is to it
beautiful or not you
are a walking tragedy
there's nothing more
disappointing than
waking up on accident
taking all the pills that
should have killed you
but couldn't get the job
done this really *****

in your car going 80 on
the highway weaving
between cars you sang
along to your favourite
songs and talked and
yelled and i never
thought one person
could be so beautiful
but there you were
next to me working
your way into my
heart i hate you

with an old record neither
of us ever remembered
buying playing in the
background and your
hands around my throat
i finally felt your love

staying up all night
getting high to forget my problems
judging everyone i see
watching too many movies
ignoring everyone
constantly overthinking
drinking until i pass out
sleeping all day
paying bills late
biting my nails
screaming into pillows
missing old friends
smoking
overdrafting
not taking any advice
avoiding social opportunities
pocketing candy at the market

it's hard to look in the mirror
some days and sometimes it
gets too hard to connect with
people and i just can't force
myself to be interested
it feels like there's a blanket
covering me and it's comfortable
but i can't see anything and it's
getting hard to breathe and i'm
starting to miss the fresh air and
the people that care
i keep trying to crawl out from
under this small fortress but it
won't move so i guess i can't either
and i'm getting scared
i miss talking to my mom about
the sunny days and listening to
my sister ramble on about things
that happened at school
and it's messed up but most of all
i miss the way you would come home
and you'd be angry about work so
you'd rant for hours about how you
can't believe people are so stupid or
you wish you didn't have to sit at
that computer all day
i only wanted to help you and take
the stress away but you always
shunned me and pushed me away
like i was some kind of stranger
breaking into your home
you broke into my heart and left
a terrible mess then you left me
alone to clean it up but there's
blood on the walls and bits
of you in everything i do
i don't think this is going to work

you asked me where the
little raised lines came
from and i told you
when i was little i
fell a lot but i lied
and i know you
know it
i'm just not ready to
admit to you i am
weak and fragile
i still can't fend off the
sadness and i still miss
people i shouldn't but
i haven't let the razor
touch my skin in
months and that's
got to count for
something

it was nice of you to
say you loved me but
it would have been
nicer if you meant it
it was kind of you to
tell me you cared but
it would have been
kinder if you had been
there when i needed you
it was sweet of you to
say i was yours but
it would have been sweeter
if you had kept me