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Apr 2021 · 300
Once More
Charlie Rose Apr 2021
I feel my old burns heal over again
The restlessness of withdrawals still here
Just one more cut to quiet thoughts within
Just one more burn to calm the constant fear
Just one more viewing to feel less alone
Though I have endless private tabs lined up
Just one more drink while I scroll through my phone
A new shopping spree to feel like enough
But my demons will never go away
I cut, drink, and ******* to drown it out
Who cares if I lose touch, I love the pain
I've already far outlived my planned day
My plans keep shattering, I've no set route
But I can't have you see me like that again
Mostly a venting piece bc I'm trying not to relapse into self harm and sometimes addiction kicks your *** really suddenly 60 days in.
Apr 2021 · 134
Train Haikus
Charlie Rose Apr 2021
The train roars past me
A beast of iron and fire
Howling in the night

Cries echoing through
This neon suburbia
A bordering stream

The calls and track sounds
Swirl through the air throughout town
Day and night, constant

At night, a soft lull
At morning, a wakeup call
At day, a wild rush

Blue and gold cargo
The steel shine of passengers
Hailing to old times

A call to my soul
To jump and destroy, to run
A wild beast astride
Dec 2020 · 161
Hero's Death
Charlie Rose Dec 2020
I grew up on heroes old and new
Thinking there was no wrong they could do
But get rid of rose glasses and they're the worst
And I woke up to a clergy that turned. out to be cursed
Now I can't trust people I see
On the internet or TV
Because half of my childhood celebrities
Turned out to be pedos, grifters, and Nazis

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Send them off with a ******* up
And hope next time you have better luck

Can't trust the storytellers that made your fantasies
They want you and queers like you deceased
Can't play pretend in a superheroes game
When all the directors fund your personal bane
I wouldn't trust the beliefs that raised me
Because I've grown old enough to peek and see
That its foundations are corrupted by empire
One more genocide and I'll set the **** pulpit on fire

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Push them away from who you see
And rethink all those memories

I once trusted some political heads
Thinking they had good interests in their stead
But red or blue they all bomb and starve and censor
Now I have to try to get my own beliefs and center
I blindly trusted the medical process
Until I saw prejudice and the reproducibility crisis
I blindly followed the worship of success and riches
Until I saw the dead that world left in the ditches

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Shoot them yourself if that's what you need
Because how else can you move on and succeed

History was taught to me in one way
Every account matching up to the day
But I looked back and saw a library
Of stories the classroom never did see
The people who raised me said they were saints
And that's the picture their friends all paint
But get home at night and you'll find out
What the kids don't know to talk about

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Never look back for a second glance
Don't give the ******* another chance

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Because if power corrupts and they're infested
Don't reminisce long enough to get invested

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Throw down your celebrities and your idols
Be your own hero and disregard titles
Oct 2020 · 121
Charlie Rose Oct 2020
I may be beaten down and mildly insane
Some nights my demons seem nigh inescapable
But never will I call myself broken again
Broken's for prop'rty, I own myself unbreakable

You view my ilk with disdain, call me a lost cause
But our value lies in the things you can not see
How we uphold our community without pause
I am only lost if you believe you own me

People think they can take my dignity away
As though their authority is what holds the key
Even through mockery, social stigma, and pain
My honor, wit, and strength all come from within me
I just used the apostrophes to make some words fit better in a 12 syllable line. Hopefully it's not super confusing.
Sep 2020 · 541
The Forever and The Now
Charlie Rose Sep 2020
Eternity of moments and infinity in seconds
Reality of scale with unearthly dimensions beckons
Millisecond memories last for time immemorial
Each minute an eternity and existing not at all
My wild floating neurons leap through the playground of space-time
A nodal universe I swim through with a reasonless rhyme
Depression+anxiety+6 months of quarantine without work or school+significant inebriation=a very interesting perception of time
Aug 2020 · 695
These Were All Lies
Charlie Rose Aug 2020
you said you could see into my mind
as you stared into my deadened eyes
you said I would die alone and cold
but now I can see these were all lies

you chided the child I truly was
molded me into your little prize
broke me until I hid from the world
but now I do know these were all lies

you split me from my sister as you
put her down as though she were a vice
made me base my self worth on her pain
but now I can feel these were all lies

you told me my body was your own
as you grabbed my *** amidst my cries
that I was crazy for saying stop
but now I am sure these were all lies

you said you were the most honest one
within your words no mistruth could hide
your recall of my life was perfect
even then I thought these were all lies
A personal poem to reconcile with what happened within my family. The "you said/did" lines are basically taken directly from what my mom used to do when I was a kid. Don't base your self worth on what an abuser tells you, they all are lies.
Aug 2020 · 93
Hemlock Eyes
Charlie Rose Aug 2020
Wolfsbane blood and hemlock eyes
No longer bound to your old lies
Watch over your back with pricked keen ears
If you mess with them, they move past fears
Don't melt like a peanut butter cup
One more lie caught, and they'll ******* up
Aug 2020 · 387
Home Smells Like Weed
Charlie Rose Aug 2020
Home smells like ****
And lavender and jasmine smoke
Heady and warm and welcoming

Home tastes like coffee and ***** seltzer
Tempered by cool water from the tap
The broke *****'s daily festivities

Home sounds like rock music and obscure indie songs
And old jazz on college radio from two campuses
A strong beat to dance to and lyrical sounds to compell your soul

Home feels like the fabric of my Goodwill bedsheets
The ease of my beanbag chair, another luxury I spent for
Soft and welcoming away from the world that shuns my kind

Home looks like the ripped out communist punk pamphlets
The pride flags that grace my walls in beauty
Reminding me of my own strength, keeping me safe

Home is what I have made it
Through the mad run in the dark and my own heartbreak
To a place where I am free

Home is my chosen family
The ones that treasure me for who I am
Without clause or abuse

Home is the arms of my lover
Watching the same show we already know
Even mundanity is treasure with them

Home is what I have fought for
A place where I can be myself in peace and safety
A place where I am found
Aug 2020 · 383
Apocalypse Love Vows
Charlie Rose Aug 2020
I wish I could lie besides you
And make the world okay
That I could chase off all the demons
And make a better day
I wish I could take your struggles
And clear them all away
I wish to show you a better future
To make you want to stay

I know the world has beat you down
I can see it in your eyes
The hidden truths and mental ails
Some things you can't disguise
And I know the world looks bleak as hell
And your future seems filled with lies
I wish I could give you a way out
With plans and words wise

But I know that I am only a single soul
Alone I can not give you aid
And I too struggle to stay alive with all
The demons my mind made
And the prejudices of this world brought both us down
Sharper than razor's blade
But through all the hell of our apocalypse
I will make you glad you stayed
Written about my partner and myself. The future looks bleak and with both of us being queer, neurodivergent, and unable to get jobs or keep up with classes, some/most days can be a struggle. But no matter what, I want to face the future with them by my side.
Jul 2020 · 190
Charlie Rose Jul 2020
The sun has risen
Stomach growling skin itching
I can't feel a thing         Number 25
Jul 2020 · 119
Charlie Rose Jul 2020
I have a fire in my soul, raging like the lightning bright
The years of hiding took their toll but never did they dim the light
I have a river rushing through my veins like a roaring wind
And at the end of doubt I do find my strength to begin
Though the days ahead are dark and uncertainty clouds my way
I have hope singing like a lark and I can fight another day
I have many fears and many tears not unlike my early years
But through all those I persevered so I could end up right here
I have a fire in my soul, raging like the lightning bright
Though I quake with fear untold I will make it through this night
Jul 2020 · 417
Aphrodite Almighty
Charlie Rose Jul 2020
Aphrodite almighty your reign is eternal
Love, lust, and war, power infernal
Strength in fragility, politics by charm
Eroticism, motherhood, and armies that harm
A simplified picture the masses are sold
Can not erase your reverent powers untold
Aphrodite almighty hear our prayer and return
For your prowess and touch daily I yearn
- Inspired by Overly Sarcastic Production's video on Aphrodite

— The End —