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Charlie Rose Apr 19
I feel my old burns heal over again
The restlessness of withdrawals still here
Just one more cut to quiet thoughts within
Just one more burn to calm the constant fear
Just one more viewing to feel less alone
Though I have endless private tabs lined up
Just one more drink while I scroll through my phone
A new shopping spree to feel like enough
But my demons will never go away
I cut, drink, and ******* to drown it out
Who cares if I lose touch, I love the pain
I've already far outlived my planned day
My plans keep shattering, I've no set route
But I can't have you see me like that again
Mostly a venting piece bc I'm trying not to relapse into self harm and sometimes addiction kicks your *** really suddenly 60 days in.
Charlie Rose Apr 19
The train roars past me
A beast of iron and fire
Howling in the night

Cries echoing through
This neon suburbia
A bordering stream

The calls and track sounds
Swirl through the air throughout town
Day and night, constant

At night, a soft lull
At morning, a wakeup call
At day, a wild rush

Blue and gold cargo
The steel shine of passengers
Hailing to old times

A call to my soul
To jump and destroy, to run
A wild beast astride
Charlie Rose Dec 2020
I grew up on heroes old and new
Thinking there was no wrong they could do
But get rid of rose glasses and they're the worst
And I woke up to a clergy that turned. out to be cursed
Now I can't trust people I see
On the internet or TV
Because half of my childhood celebrities
Turned out to be pedos, grifters, and Nazis

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Send them off with a ******* up
And hope next time you have better luck

Can't trust the storytellers that made your fantasies
They want you and queers like you deceased
Can't play pretend in a superheroes game
When all the directors fund your personal bane
I wouldn't trust the beliefs that raised me
Because I've grown old enough to peek and see
That its foundations are corrupted by empire
One more genocide and I'll set the **** pulpit on fire

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Push them away from who you see
And rethink all those memories

I once trusted some political heads
Thinking they had good interests in their stead
But red or blue they all bomb and starve and censor
Now I have to try to get my own beliefs and center
I blindly trusted the medical process
Until I saw prejudice and the reproducibility crisis
I blindly followed the worship of success and riches
Until I saw the dead that world left in the ditches

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Shoot them yourself if that's what you need
Because how else can you move on and succeed

History was taught to me in one way
Every account matching up to the day
But I looked back and saw a library
Of stories the classroom never did see
The people who raised me said they were saints
And that's the picture their friends all paint
But get home at night and you'll find out
What the kids don't know to talk about

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Never look back for a second glance
Don't give the ******* another chance

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Because if power corrupts and they're infested
Don't reminisce long enough to get invested

Some times you have to let your heroes die
Give a wave and a nod goodbye
Throw down your celebrities and your idols
Be your own hero and disregard titles
Charlie Rose Oct 2020
I may be beaten down and mildly insane
Some nights my demons seem nigh inescapable
But never will I call myself broken again
Broken's for prop'rty, I own myself unbreakable

You view my ilk with disdain, call me a lost cause
But our value lies in the things you can not see
How we uphold our community without pause
I am only lost if you believe you own me

People think they can take my dignity away
As though their authority is what holds the key
Even through mockery, social stigma, and pain
My honor, wit, and strength all come from within me
I just used the apostrophes to make some words fit better in a 12 syllable line. Hopefully it's not super confusing.
Charlie Rose Sep 2020
Eternity of moments and infinity in seconds
Reality of scale with unearthly dimensions beckons
Millisecond memories last for time immemorial
Each minute an eternity and existing not at all
My wild floating neurons leap through the playground of space-time
A nodal universe I swim through with a reasonless rhyme
Depression+anxiety+6 months of quarantine without work or school+significant inebriation=a very interesting perception of time
Charlie Rose Aug 2020
you said you could see into my mind
as you stared into my deadened eyes
you said I would die alone and cold
but now I can see these were all lies

you chided the child I truly was
molded me into your little prize
broke me until I hid from the world
but now I do know these were all lies

you split me from my sister as you
put her down as though she were a vice
made me base my self worth on her pain
but now I can feel these were all lies

you told me my body was your own
as you grabbed my *** amidst my cries
that I was crazy for saying stop
but now I am sure these were all lies

you said you were the most honest one
within your words no mistruth could hide
your recall of my life was perfect
even then I thought these were all lies
A personal poem to reconcile with what happened within my family. The "you said/did" lines are basically taken directly from what my mom used to do when I was a kid. Don't base your self worth on what an abuser tells you, they all are lies.
Charlie Rose Aug 2020
Wolfsbane blood and hemlock eyes
No longer bound to your old lies
Watch over your back with pricked keen ears
If you mess with them, they move past fears
Don't melt like a peanut butter cup
One more lie caught, and they'll ******* up
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