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little lioness Oct 2020
I never would have thought that you,
of all people,
would pull a vanishing act on me.

I guess I should have realized
after 12 years of second, third, fourth chances
that you're no different than the rest.
little lioness Oct 2020
I knew from the ******* start
it would go no further than what it was.
There would be no dates,
no hand-holding,
no declarations of love while sitting under a beautiful sunset at 7:02pm on a Sunday.

Those things are her's,
have been her's for seven years
and probably will be for seven more.

But **** did you make it seem as though
I was worthy of those things,
that I could hold your hand,
and take you on dates,
and tell you that I love you under a beautiful sunset at 7:02pm on a Sunday.

And **** did it hurt, **** does it hurt that
you gave me something so new, something so strong that I forgot what I knew from the ******* start:

you can never love me. you don't want to love me. you WILL never love me.

I was just for fun,
but she's for forever.
I knew I couldn't do casual, and I ended up exactly where I knew I would if I tried.
little lioness Oct 2020
God, what did I do to deserve such a
lonely and hallow existence,
trudging along such a dreary path
with a soul so heavy and beaten
that it is too hard to love?





Why am I so hard to love?
little lioness Oct 2020
out
I want to come out.
I want to walk out and slam the door behind me
with whatever variation of a rainbow flag
billowing in the wind as I walk past.

I want to be out.
I want to be me and do so shamelessly
without fear of judgement or dislike
from people who may disagree

I wish I was out.
But I don't even know what I am
I want be yours and yours alone,
but there's no flag for that

I wish I was yours...
you have my mind and body and soul
but I'm just here on the side,
because you are still hers.
I wish you would choose me.
little lioness Feb 2020
This morning, the world woke up without me.
Daylight crested above the trees, where bird-songs filled the crisp winter air and squirrels began scurrying through frost-bitten yards.
                                                          ­                                Neighbors went about their day, putting children on school buses before bustling themselves to work. The mailman came and left, dropping off packages filled with useless purchases and magazine subscriptions that sit piled in corners, gathering dust.
Hallways filled with swarms of students eager for the final bell. Lockers slammed and classroom seats filled, my desk being the only one left empty
                                                           ­                               (second row from the front, farthest to the right or left, whichever was opposite of the door. Perfect view of the clock, the whiteboard, the teacher, and everyone who entered and exited the room.)
Emails went unanswered, books left unfinished, my room left untouched... a thin layer of dust began to collect atop my existence that went unnoticed.
                                                      ­                                  
Unnoticed by them, unnoticed by you.
You never noticed me, and you never will.
little lioness Jan 2020
It's funny how easy it has become
to break someone's heart.

Mere seconds of fingers flying across a keyboard
is enough to shatter their world,
and the only warning they get is
three little dots...

Then there's nothing but silence...
and they're left to pick up the pieces
of the cracks that go deeper
than just the screen.

Cracks that can't be fixed by a kiosk or by mail-order replacement.
No. These cracks...
                                                                ­             they're permanent.
Words seem to hurt more when you have to see them laying in front of you...
little lioness Jan 2020
I wonder if I'll ever know what it feels like
to wake up each morning
to a life
that's actually worth living.
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