You were always a 12-hour shift
Just two punches of my lips
Once in at 10PM
And once out at 10AM
An easy rhythm of making sure you were satisfied
I quit, but I forgot to clock out
And this ******* feeling never seems to fade even after I worked my last shift.

each day has passed by
while lives have been passed on 
fights have been fought for 
most unaware of war

it’s been a lonely trip
for most not for all
children, friends, and family
separated; what’s more
than a phone call? 

the world is lost 
where does it go from here?
do we act like nothing has happened
do we continue somehow 
do we fake live in fear? 

I refuse to put a halt to 
this experience now
let us work together to heal
and save humanity
but how?

I fell in a well full of emptiness
And crashed on a ground made of darkness
My body bears open wounds bleeding unanswered questions
While my mind flies over clouds of elusive notions

I’m lying down wondering about my future
Which is looking at me in disguise at the next corner
Arguing passionately with my past, wrinkled by memories, tired and naked
Trying to decide what the next step will be  
Leaving me, present, out of the conversation, obsolete, already almost dated
And showing me no sign of the slightest pity, no comfort to my misery

I’m looking for a saving remedy, for a narrow escape
But it seems like there is none, I see no gate
I will try to “be the change I wish to see in the world” instead
Hoping that I am not being in over my head

A tasteless soup of words is feeding my thoughts
That my brain tries to season with a pinch of sense
I’m trying to articulate what I mean, what my reflection brought
But everything is mashed up now, it feels too dense
I might need to heat the entire batch up
And start again, as many times as needed, I will never give up.

Read me through
then bleed me too
a tempest of words awakens in me---

When the weather rages on
hold fast, seek to last
or find understanding to be incomplete.

When such an old soul, bound to fresh form
becomes left out in the rain
it's warped from the touch of the storm.

I stare at the ceiling,
Searching for meaning,
White indifference, gazing back.

I beg for an answer,
A cure for this cancer,
Secrets in plaster, stay silent.

I remember a moment in time where I felt

And so deeply, so horrifyingly deep like the vastness of space

That you were the solution to my existential problem of my existence in a world I didn’t particularly want to be a part of

Remembering the way you made me feel  

That after a life of wondering  

I had found a place to call home

It wasn’t the four walls, the driveway or the yard

No, I found my home at 3:30 in the morning stumbling over you in the dark

Opening the bedroom door to the hallway slowly

As to not wake you up as the light shined off your face

And I could see, for the first time

While I stood there staring at you, sleeping

Tucked into my bed wrapped in fuzzy blankets from your youth

It was probably only a second but to me it felt like an eternity

I could only find the ability to deeply exhale in a moment of pure bliss

Watching you crinkle your face slightly as the light hit you.

You didn’t stir

But something in me did

Something inside me awoke for the first time since the last time years ago

When I had you in my bed, doing the same thing I was then.

I don’t know what I thought I'd feel

I think part of me hoped nothing would have changed

That the love I had for you stood stronger than the test of time

That all that time I spent talking to you in my mirror

Would be worth it, and I wouldn’t have been crazy

It’s funny

Funny the way life works out

Because now

When I wake up, I find myself reaching out

To nothing

There’s always a moment, even if just a second

Where I think, maybe I'll wake up from this and you’ll be there

You tend to come in and out of my life

But when you come back

You seem to be the alarm clock that breaks the silence of my mind

And bring me back to the real world

But I’m starting to believe

That maybe I’ve always been awake

You are only a dream.

Happier without
Probably laughing alone
But maybe he's not

Everything falls out of place
Out of these words
Out of the paper
Under the curtain
Through the windows.

Going to the streets,
Out of these buildings
Out of the city
Under the bridge
Through the fields.

Flys back to me
This happiness,
When you saw
The misery in Me
The holy in You
The good in Me
The devil in You.

Come closer,
Fall into Me.