Be careful in this cess pool of a world if you wear your heart on your sleeve because there are vultures & wolves forever searching for their next meal. They won't think twice about consuming every inch of you, picking each bone clean. They delight in your suffering and find strength as a pack. They seek out your weaknesses and what they don't find they will surely create.

Here let me give you some fodder on which you can dine.

I had 2 surgeries this past year, one because they were looking for cancer. I have to be checked yearly, but no doubt you'll assume I somehow did something to deserve this.

Eight years ago I thought my white horse had arrived, left my job as a teacher (my room was Club Med), gave up my apartment, my car, close friends, family, and country, only to find out 2 months in that it was all a lie.

Your Pastor says divorce is not an option, so you commit to trying to make the fiction somehow work, but after years of chaos and too many grey days you consider, maybe, just maybe you deserve something better than the hand you've been dealt.

So you throw those cards into the wind and you start from your own ground zero.

Your terrified of an unknown future, but more terrified of remaining in a life so monotonous that you question why you're even bothering to wake up each day.

You prepare to put your older dog asleep, you're not sure what will come of the other, you have boxes to pack for your 9th move in 8 years at a time when families are coming together and yours is coming to an end.

Your drowning in a sea of work but you have no choice but to somehow find 28 hours in a day because success has finally shown up at your door & you've worked way too hard to watch it simply turn around and leave.

You paint nearly everyday, exhausted, but can't sleep, you can't remember your last break, let alone vacation.
Your paints are quite frankly your only motivation.

You want to scream, run, hide, find some type of escape, but you're given no such relief. All that remains is an awkward ride to the airport, a hug, and a fare thee well to a chapter of your life you wish you could've ended sooner if only you had discovered your worth.

Is that enough for you?

Because I could give you so much more...let my life story be an after dinner mint so no one has to smell my flesh on your breath.

Let the floods and fires come, I'm done with this world.
I have never belonged and I no longer care to.
An army of one, content on my own.

Have you asked yourself
why you hold 
that which is gone
if it’s gone
it isn’t real
at least 
not to you
but you hold on
knuckles white 
like you’ve been bled 
halfway to death
as white as
the sleeping moon
you’re missing
the truth like the moon
misses the 
singing wolf 
why don’t you
bite the hand 
that bleeds you
but you’re occupied
picking up broken pieces
searching the globe
for what you
lost
if you find the strewn bits
your hands will be
in pieces
the memories will
have faded with a
harsh stain
an allusion on your eyelids
when you blink
don’t let
your eyes
stop having sight
because you looked
too long
for what is
gone

I ran with the wolves
Howled at night's full moon
Ate my prey warm
With it's heart still pounding

But moon after moon passed
Alfa wolves rose and fell
And I no longer recognize
Original clan

They speak of me as the grey wolf
The ancient one who howls
Up above the highest peaks
The grey ghost of the ancient past

I sleep with the always cold
Looking down from the highest passes
Even with cloudy eyes
I still see

how many times will you cry wolf
before you realize you’re the animal
howl at the moon, child

we’re not coming for you

Full moon shining silver light
Over head it named tonight
Underneath swirls of grey
Outside the doors have called my name
The twilight spoke in a golden tongue
Over and over it must be done
****** fingers captivate
Condemning the beast to demonstrate

I fall asleep in desolation with wolves watching over me. Their eyes gazing upon my emotionless face. I sleep in peaceful terror as dreams of falling nightmares gleam with an uncertain radiance in my wayward minds subconscious. Outside, winter breathes out my name as the wind is crashing against my window. The wolves howl at the moon that is glistening upon the lake. Whispers to the sound of the water gently freezing over.

throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack,
think that I am nothing? they will have my back,
when I am strong or weak,
or somewhere in between,
they will know where to find me,
but only if I want to be seen.