My eyes are my weapon
They can bring you up
or tear you down
they speak there own
language if you pay
attention
there exciting
can be enlightening
These eyes can dance
follow your moves
but do me wrong
they'll bring you down
I hope you never find out

© Jennifer Delong 3/2018

Chill lingers in the Autumn air
Sorrow frosts the bare ground
What craziness did you expect?
Me to turn back around?

Time has passed on, or so it seems
There is always somebody new
The pleading in your voice destroys
I can't make it up to you.

Scribbled words won't make this right
As always, snow will bite and fall
Stormy weather still prevails
My back is pushed against the wall.

Every night I lie awake
An ocean crashing inside
Deep with scars I've hidden
And the endless tears I've cried.

You don't see how I'VE been hurt
I'm an outraged, broken mess
And our problems all cannot be fixed
By the smoothness of your caress.

You're better off without me here
Listen to my words, you know you should
In the end I'll cause more pain
Than any weapon ever could.

Cradled minds in ruptured beds.
My twisted dreams run through my head.
Rear-end crashes with dark lit chases.
It's been so long since they showed my races.
Pavlov concepts in my daily words.
I try to conceal my dreams because they could build swords.
You’d cut me down if I spoke the wrong things,
It'd be my fault because I gave away my wings.
I want to be grounded here next to you.
I lived for my mother and father and sometimes I lived through.
I lived for the sunlight rising in windows.
Sadness crept into every smile in my photos.
Swept in from the wind you came riding.
Still despairing I greeted you with what I knew about flying.
Hoping you stay with me through the days.
Now I live for the lovely words you might say.
On top of my heart will rest this book of fears,
The pages are tattered and ancient.
Full of such terrors that escape me only in the darkness of your bed,
These horrors that I thought would only leave me when I was dead.
I know I don't live for you.
I know I love you.
This nightmare became an adventure the second I saw the sun.
Resting was in the daytime to save me from the darkness that had always won.
Steel made from my chest.
Iron into only the best.
I hope you take these weapons I forged without you.
This ammunition for the machine that rippled through my senses.
The blades that butterfly my heart with every syllable I accidentally utter,
Such wings that will never flutter.
I hope all these mines I plant are ones you can see.
I hope you never use these weapons on me.

Set the mood
Redline
Build the hill
Fill that stem
Inhale. Hold it in.
Take that breath
Relax. Just relax.

I'm  waving the smoke away
Both hands  extensions of
the atrium  that primes the pump
I'm  beating as bleating
Green veil  is parted re  -  vealed
Reveals  the one I'm afraid of  -  the
old me

I'm  counting days defeated
Dead days  used my blood took
the look that I sculpted and weaponized  - it
as something other

Set the mood
Lazerhawk
Build the hill
Fill that stem
Inhale. Hold it in.
Take that breath
Relax. Relax. Relax.

How am I  a slave to myself  I wonder
I wonder

How am I  a slave?

How am I  a slave to myself  I wonder
I wonder

I  ride the ghost train
I  deify  the old ghosts  -  I
I  never meant to board forever  -  I
Am shadow. Am product. The Ubik.
I  deify  the past as answer  -

nothing left to say
nothing left to say

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We are together
Together we are immune
Immune to them
They are corrupted
And don’t understand.

Love is our weapon
A weapon that only we can choose
The choice of forgiveness
Forgive those who hate
Because they are corrupted
And don’t understand.

Each day we face hatred
Hatred that can be healed
Healed with love
Love that…
They don’t understand.

Crafting scissors
Gardening shears
A pizza roller
Instruments of humble vivisection
I wield, I rend, I create.
Needles and pins,
Nimble and thin,
I pierce, I pull, I close.
With measured patience
I choose my weapons:
Ink, passion, time, and wit.
An armory of precision and gut.
Boulders bruise but roll away,
Fire burns, but I'm already ablaze,
Arrows lodge shallow or all fall short,
But the cold?
It slices.
The draining thought:
Is this the end of my creation -
Is there no more?
I slowly bleed out.