And I clawed at my skin
Till it was ******, raw.
I pushed, pinched,
Dug my nails in,
Just looking for the red beneath,
While my hands shook
And the tears slipped down my cheeks,
I tore my own flesh apart.

I crave emotion like I crave pizza
But I can't have it
I can't let myself devour every ounce of love that comes my way
I can't become dependent on the infamous L word that has broken me
I'm emotionally anorexic,
But sometimes I'm bulimic
Sometimes I'll hunt down my prey, and **** them dry of their love
I'll crave it until I'm stuffed full, and then I'll purge it out
I'll tell them I hate them,
I'll tell them to leave forever
I'll push them away until I'm broken and sad and alone
And anorexic again
Until I'm back where I belong, in the corner of my room
Crying, sobbing, craving affection, but not letting myself have it
Because I don't want to be fat with lust
I can't gain a single pound because if I do
I'll be weak.

This poem is called Boys are Curious.
Because that's what you told me that day.
And if boys are curious,
My body is a treasure map.

I was an atlas for trespassers.
I had a horizon of hope in these eyes,
And my forest hid lust & mystery like it wanted to be found.
My acreage was pure and undiscovered.

If I hadn't scared you away yet,
I've heard that there was passion locked somewhere.

But because boys are curious,
My edges are creased and torn.
The sun has left me shaking in the cold.
I have been sought by the hands of greed enough times,
I've forgotten where I've hidden my treasure.

So, boys are curious.
He left me a field landmines.

They never told me
How much this hurts
They never told me
Love is blind
Completely blind
I never saw our differences
I never saw his faults
Or my mistakes
I never even cared
They never warned me that I might
Lose myself
And that we would become one single person
I could never focus on anything else
80% of the day
All I wanted was him
I saw perfection
Where there was just an ordinary
Who was blind just like me

No one told me when we broke up I WOULD DIE INSIDE
Or that I would struggle to get up EVERY DAY
No one warned me about the mood swings
Or how I wouldn't know myself anymore
No one told me that to get him back
I would have to sacrifice EVERYTHING I believe in
BUT I CAN'T DO THAT
No one said I would have to watch him in school
Every day without me

Until he moved.
I can see again now
But all I want to see
Are the backs of my eyelids
Or the flecks of blue in his eyes
IT'S BEEN 7 MONTHS
He gave up chasing me
And I gave up living
I thought I was a strong one
Yet I've been dying inside
For 7 months.

Death and Life sat together
Watching as the sun
Went away that night and said
Goodnight to everyone

Death was looking at Life
Whose head was pointed to the ground
Why my beautiful Mistress
Do you carry such a frown?

Life replied sadly,
I am sad to only see
That tears and screams await you
And all the smiles go to me

Death now understood
Why his mistress was depressed
I can't explain it all, said he
But I'll try to do my best.

Death, hand in hand with Life,
Started to explain,
I am a Truth that can't be outrun,
But you are a Lie that they live away.

You are merely temporary,
But I am always imminent,
Although they want the opposite
I am stuck forever, permanent

But isn't there- said Life
Who was promptly stopped by Death,
No, he answered, there's none.
So she cried through broken breaths

Death heard a familiar ring;
And all too familiar it was.
I must be going.
And you should leave as well,
For reasons you should be knowing.

Yes, said Life
Through her broken cries,
For you are the Unwanted Truth,
And I am their Beautiful Lies.

Death began to chuckle,
Yes this is true.
That every Truth ends with me,
And every Lie begins with you.

So they walked away together
And through the hospital doors,
One to tell a Truth,
And the other to Lie once more.

All I want
today
is to give up.

I want to stop eating.
I want to stop thinking.
I want to stand in the snow
and let my body freeze
until I've burned off every last calorie
I want to run until I puke.
Then run more.
Until the moment comes that I black out
Until that empty moment
of empty relief
comes to me
even if it's only a moment.
I just want to be free.

Because I'm living in a personal hell
most days lately I don't even know myself
I can't look in the mirror without disgust
I freaking hate my stinking guts.

I've never hated it so much
that I'd rather stay inside.
I've never been so ashamed
that all I wanted to do is hide.

But today that's where I am.

Ah, poor dear woman.

You know not what you reap.

Is your pocket book not empty?

Can you not see the drain?

He's absorbing your lifestyle.

An osmosis of sorts.

Is it not peculiar that he brings nothing?

No friends, money, stability, no home.

What do you give? All of the above.

The "society" he craves to be a part of.

He will **** you dry sweet lady.

You will be left a shell.

*Consider this your warning label