Even though I don't remember the next morning
I know it reaked of violation and filth
The taste of my own tears lingered
Until the next day mid afternoon
Right before the sunset
Right after everyone let me be
If only for a moment

The morning after
When I woke up to a hostile sun
I screamed until my lungs were dry
And cried until my tears covered the kitchen linoleum
I ruined a new pair of clothes
And ripped out a few dozen stands of hair
Just because your fingers may have grazed them

In the shower I boiled the skin off my back
And tried to breathe water
Just to get the taste of you
Out of my eyes
I must've washed you off of me
At least a dozen times over
But I couldn't rinse the space behind my eyes
Where you left the most of yourself
Invasive and volatile

I had to tell my daddy
What happened to his baby girl
And watch him ache to break down your door
And straight into your chest
To take your heart
As some sort of payment
For what you've done
I watched my mother cry
And my sister cry
With pain that was never theirs to carry

And so each morning I wake up
To the memory of what you did
When I had just been out for a little fun
With sweet drinks that didn't taste like poison
Until you made them that way
When you touched me
When you had no right to do so
And I wonder if there's anything that I could have done differently

Since then every day
You **** me again
When I can't look someone in the eyes
Because I don't want to see their pity
Or their judgement, their doubt
When I'm scrutinized in the streets
Or my name is whispered
Behind a closed door
Or is screamed in my face that it was my fault
That it isn't an excuse

I'd rather die than face it
But I fear for my daughter
So I stay
To watch her
Protect her from my own fate
And shake quietly when I'm alone at night
Knowing you're loose
Waiting for someone to bring me some justice
To put you away
Leave you lying in a shallow grave
Anything to give me security again

But I have none
Because I have been robbed
And I smile to counteract it
And everyone tip-toes around the subject
Like it's a sleeping bear
That will maul them if they stir it up
But it's not an animal
It's something that happened to me
And everyone is so afraid of it

I had to be strong
But I'm afraid too
Afraid that it might never scab over
And become a scar
Because scars fade
But wounds bleed
And I am wounded
And every morning in the shower the blood drips from my ears
And leaks down the drain
When I have to look at MY body
That YOU used
And try to remember that I am strong
And that you haven't beaten me
Then wonder if that's really true

I have to make it true.

Oh wilderness' soul ― I Beseech thee !
I feel your deepest awakening secrets stir
Whispers uttered in immortal Winds
Calling to the Fountains of my soul
Standing the hairs of comfortably numb
Spilled breath bestrewn upon frayed Mortality

Oh wilderness' soul ― I Bequeath thee !
The ashes the deepest Oceans my heart
As circadian Tides have ebb and flowed
Forsaken feigned love’s misbegotten guise
Now chastened sightless before an unseen labyrinth
Beset by a human blindness that decays all light

Oh wilderness' soul ― I Entreat thee !
Cleanse this molted flesh ― time shed ―
Artifacts of perfectly imperfect traces
Reminders of things we strive to forget
For in the self-loathed aching Silence
I feel the urgent pull of Wilderness' Soul

          Reaching out ― Benignly
       to Entomb my Heart and Soul


     Someone you used to know   April 1st, 2017

I fell, far far to the ground.

Far, I fell for you.

Far down there I drowned,

with neither time or view.

I wanted to know how you feel.

But you hid it a riddle.

I don't know what is real,

so I'm stuck in the middle.

If you had said no

I'd die under the water

If our relation could never grow,

I'd give myself to slaughter.

Yahweh understands the irony
surrounding us; though we’re
unneeded, but wanted by Him…
shows our ignorance; to see

Him as He is, would exceed our
current level of comprehension.
And yet, we have opportunities
to truly savor His divine power.

When will our pathetic attitudes,
towards Him and others change,
given Salvation’s promise, that’s
the result of the Great Exchange?

Home.

A single word can fill you
With a thousand feelings
And memories.
Some are warm, happy,
Fuzzy feelings that you enjoy;
Others... not so much.
Yelling, pain, insults;
Dysfunction, blame, guilt.
But "family" is not always
The same thing as *home.**
Sometimes home is a person,
Who makes you feel loved.
They make you feel wanted
And secure in their embrace.
They give you those happy, fuzzy
Feelings and light thoughts
On your dark days.
And you, my friend...
You are home to me.

something to fill this empty room,
besides the scatters of something started;
a work in progress, never finished.
something besides the
dull smells of fake fragrances and a thousand candles,
spent and past in brazen attempts at aromatherapy.
something to accompany the
ceiling stared at, night after night,
besides the spider and moth that live near the light.
another human, perhaps,
if there were room, at least. another set of thoughts,
besides ones own, weighing heavy in the walls.
a monster under this bed,
give us something real to fear, make me leave,
make me feel, make me scream.
something to fill this empty room,
besides everything still in it. not empty at all,
just worn and torn, bored, full,
empty.

It's new to me
To have found a 'you'
A mystery unsolved
Got an empty clue

Lead one,
The string of love from you to me
Lead two,
The ink of joy you've etched through me

Bewildered by the case
Lone made by this guy
Why I haven't known
I still don't know why.