like wallflowers growing peacefully,
with asthenic transparency
i perceive everything with eyes so weary
yet pick up the little things even angels cannot see.
leaping from star to star,
yet never knowing where to land,
traveling to places unfamiliar  
casting shadows on every space at hand.

i can't help but wonder how it would feel to exist
with a presence that would linger,
one whose souls would reminisce,
where my voice would echo;
not as a croak of sullen desperation
but a sound that would cut through
the haze of hopelessness.

i would begin to think about the probability
of my misguided existence,

invisible, but sees everything;
no flesh and bone, but is hurting.

It doesn’t matter if I’m dancing in
The center floor

Or pressed against the wall
Like a flower

You never see me anyways

Girls like her peak in High School
Always thin
Good at everything
Great at sports
Beautiful
Lots of friends
Outgoing
Confident

Girls like me?
A wallflower
I'm not alone
I have sort-of-friends
I'm a shadow in the back of the class
Always silent
Mid-season I'm failing
Getting grades up just enough
for the final report card to say I'm "smart"
Fool the colleges i do
Silently being the only one who doesn't understand
But the class is moving on without you
Crying because I'm "not good enough"
Below/Average at sports
Never good enough for the team
Stuck on the sidelines
Always watching
My life is a TV program
I laugh and watch
But never feeling a part of it
I'm just a spectator

Girls like her peak in college too
Even more beautiful then before
A boyfriend to match
And a petite body that looks great in everything
Flying through college
Instagram model

Girls like me?
Flunked my first year
Home i go
More clueless than ever
"I changed my major" i tell them
I put on the act
"I know what I'm doing"
It's all a lie
A mask I wear
Falling apart inside
Feeling despair
The tears come easy
They come fast
How long will this misery last?
Comparing, Comparing
It's a bigger high school now
Except no one gives a **** this time round
I did this to myself
Want to fix it
Is it too much to ask for a win?
Medication helps the focus
I am making a plan

I'm learning
I'm finding myself
It's okay to take my time
It's okay if I'm a little slow
So why do i feel like I'm just fooling myself?
Everyone has a different path
I haven't given up
I haven't stopped moving
So why i am walking the treadmill?
Moving but still in the exact same spot?

I'm jealous of girls like her
They got it all
Wish things were different
Wish i was given their hand
Cause fate has delt me a rough one

She gets the grassy meadow
I get the stormy mountain
She gets prince charming
I'm still waiting
She uses her wit to defeat the witch
I escape and run through books and other things that distract

What is wrong with me?
Why can't i be good at things?
Why is this so hard?
I wish things came easy.

We were friends
Me and her
And i hate the green monster
that leaves me with this jealous anger

Stay away
Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat
All they do is cause me harm
All the doubts and pain creeps back
I keep reopening the wound.
Those negative thoughts i though were gone?
Well they are buried in the back of my mind ready to resurface.

This is just the beginning of my story
I know this
I am destined for greater things
I know this
I will make it
I know this
I will graduate
I know this

Yet, Girls like her
Leave me with lies that echo...

Look around you
not with your eyes
but your heart.

Look beyond beauty
in sad and shy faces.

And then imagine
how they could blossom
if truly loved.

I, The extroverted wallflower
Want you to see me,
While you look right past me.
I, The extroverted wallflower
Want to stand out
While I blend in.
I, The extroverted wallflower
Want you to close your lips
And talk to me.
I, The extroverted wallflower
Want to be alone
In a room of people  
I the extroverted wallflower
Want you to know who I am
While you know nothing of me.
I the extroverted wallflower
Am privately open.
I, The extroverted wallflower
Am neither here
Nor gone.

How does one openly share
With many strangers in a room
All the atrocities and scars
That mark your impending doom

Always leading with the heart
Has left it broken and rather dead
Causing the mind to eventually take over
Numbing you down to invisibility instead

Simply wishing to fade away
Into vast webs of silent misery
While a boisterous and opposing point of view
Keeps aiming for your victory

Strong-armed, not so gently, into a situation
That leaves you stripped down, sullen, and bare
Brings about complete and utter discomforts
All of which, you hope no one is aware

Longing for some connection
Though fearful of the start
Freezes you into a silence
Unable to be of any part

Your tongue becomes sluggishly thick
Appearing knotted, twisted, and tied
Oblivious to the surroundings
While your brain is quietly being fried

Amid the haze, a courageous voice is heard
   sharing pieces of a story
With similarities to that of your own
Sending reassurance throughout a weary head
That there is no longer a need to feel so lost and alone