He stood bare naked
under this unwanted attention.
He was vulnerable,
Left to be fed to the wolves.
Yet,
He smiled through it all
Whilst carrying a heavy heart
And sunken eyes.


《 e.i 》

Beneath this dress, there is matching red underwear to be found.
It says something about me, that I like the hidden parts
of myself to be the boldest. Perhaps I am wearing it only
to turn myself into a symbol of ***, a goddess
to be reckoned with, but I like the power that gives me.
Underneath the wine red fabric, I am utterly naked -
stripped of all that is my own and left, stranded,
a faceless body to be looked at. Beneath that
there is only skin,
yards and yards of skin, stretching
beyond horizons you couldn't possibly have imagined.
It glints with youth like dew in the light.
It is pale and untouched, mottled with veins and vessels
all carrying the same purpose: life.
I am haggard, crooked and old
but my surface is soft and warm to the touch.
I'm so smooth and perfect that if you strip me to my core
I'm like driftwood - misplaced and beautiful.
The grain of my body flows into knots and splinters,
twisted and graceful. I'm frozen in motion,
my limbs in shifting stillness, dance
captured in the undulating surface of my body.

I spent months
setting them up

those emotional "dominoes"

black rectangles on end
balanced just so
white spots spelling out

ego
    emotions
                soul

just a sharp stroke
of a tongue
on one corner
and
they fall...
   and fall...
      and fall...

they lay
      scattered
                  and
                     chaotic

on their backs
          like beetles
unable to turn

their undersides exposed
                             and vulnerable

how many times
            can they be realigned

how many times
              before the spots erode

how many times
               before it's empty inside

like dead beetles'
                       dry, brittle shells?

\ˈvəln(ə)rəb(ə)l/
adjective

- susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

Do you ever feel vulnerable? I think we all do. Do you ever feel so helpless that you fall to the depths of despair? Do you ever feel the need of someone? Do you ever feel like you’re trapped into your own thoughts? Do you ever feel like no amount of sunshine can rescue your sanity? Do you ever wonder what it feels like to not grasp onto hope anymore? Do you ever wish for someone to understand?

From time to time I stumble into the thought of vulnerability. I never mean to, I don’t want to. It just keeps pushing back and I don’t know why. I have fought so long to not care what people say to me. Unfortunately, after holding back the things said and did to me, I came across with gloom. It felt like a jack-in-a-box moment. It just hit me. There was nothing I can do about it and it ached me.

I couldn’t stop the “what ifs” popping in my head. I hated it. I hate myself for imagining someone who will care. I tried clearing my thoughts. I tried. And it ***** cause’ I feel vulnerable while writing this. Until there were no more tears falling onto my cheeks. I eventually sleep after all the crying and maybe, just maybe hope for a better day to come.

Your body feels like it is covered in butterflies,
Like every moment I touch it, could be fleeting
That you could disappear within seconds
Your presence feels misleading,

I am holding onto the clothesline of words,
You strung together, for me to hang my hopes on,
Wanting just to be strong, I smile
But who am I trying to convince...

We both know, I would be lost without my butterfly prince

Sweetheart,
if you saw my blood pour out
onto paper, you wouldn't want it

anymore.