My headlong anger lays dormant like a Dragon,
Lingering to be awoken and unleashed into the world.
It sponges all the tiny things that I let in, Lies; Idiocy; and parabolic sin,
The kind you get from Tramps clamped in a Junkies grip.
Niceties come with a flicker of Salt,
Because no one; and I mean no one brings Roses to a boy who strolls among the living.
Hot coals scold my soul; intensified as if doused in malt,
Then anger ravages my thoughts and forces itself in control.
I can't sway my anger; picture what it'd do if I even thought,
It'd grasp me by the throat; levitating me inches from the floor,
Squeeze its fiery nails seamlessly into my skin,
And tear out my soul; swallow it whole; leaving me high and dry in a shallow bowl;
Simon was a straight A who made the grade,
But crippling news hit him like Brook's *****.
He fell into to some beastly vices and adrift was his mind,
Stumbled back up the path less traveled and down the path of the blind.
You see Simon spent his caged days in **** houses,
He was the dirt on the walls as well as the blood on the floor.
I'm sure the filth was bursting with dreary happiness and memories of Farmhouses,
Splendid days were they; when Simon had control of the Devils door.
Simon's offering his all to get clean - but it's impossible when you gawk at the TV,
A Prince marrying to a straight A Yankee, he insinuated "A happiness that seems so far from me".
That's all I can seem to recollect from my parley with Simon,
I'm sure he sundered into a rabbit hole of despair because of the Nirvana he'll never live in.
Travis and Charlie were the best of
They shared the interest of Fireball and Gin.
They adored dressing up in alleyways and pretend,
That they were Princes and the next of Kin.
Travis fell putrid with the nullifying of his Liver,
He tried to Coax the Prince but he chucked.
The Prince turned his back on Travis' Treason River,
Lost himself in the memories in a bottle corrupt.
The tragic dismay that followed suit,
Electrified junkies and liars alike too.
Travis dressed up in his Sunday best;
To see his once best friend laid to rest.
How does nobody see the mask that everybody puts on
Is it because they are so busy fixing their own
I remember when you first spoke and the euphoria that swelled through me like a person that just won the lottery.
I remember the look on your face when i first played a song for you. How you already fell in love.
I remember hearing your voice in person for the first time. I turned around and felt my first weakness when I layed my eyes on you.
I remember kissing you on the lake for the first time and then getting bit by a million fire ants.
I remember how cold it was that night on your trampoline like a wave of ice hit us. But my heart kept me warm with the thought of you beside me.
I remember the nights we spent in my room talking and laughing over silly nonsense and creating memories that will last forever in my brain.
I remember showing your mother the ring I got for you.
I remember how I kept telling you to get your nails done for no specific reason.
I remember the day perfectly when I took you to the zoo.
I remember speaking to my friends as I walked over to you saying i dont know what to say.
I remember grabbing your hand and getting on one knee to tell you "I know I havent known you long, but I know i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so genna, will you marry me."
I remember how fast you replied yes to which I asked "are you sure?" And then you said it again.
I remember how you wouldnt let go of hugging me like you wanted this moment to not go by. To savour that moment like a fine wine.
I remember when you wore my uniform and you looked so adorable in it.
I remember the hours before our wedding felt like years. But I couldnt have been more excited.
I remember turning around and feeling that same weakness I felt when I first met you.
I remember the red lipstick you wore.
I remember the train that interrupted our wedding and we laughed.
I remember sweeping you off your feet and carrying you away.
I remember when we bought our first apartment and it fell apart on us.
I remember bringing our cats home.
I remember the night I cried and held you in my arms with the thought I was going to lose you to cancer.
I remember I didnt want to let go.
I remember when you made your first piece of clothing.
I remember the day you recorded me flipping a bottle onto a ledge over and over.
I remember how you used to try and catch me singing.
I remember the day I had to leave you for Afghanistan.
I remember how you snuck into the side of the building to kiss me goodbye one more time.
I remember the last time i looked at our home before i flew away.
I remember when I broke your heart.
I remember when I lied to you.
I remember when I said wed fix this.
I remember when I failed.
I remember when you cut your hair and i hated it but still supported it.
I remember when I came home from deployment and I heard your voice in the distance running to me.
I remember your hug and kiss.
I remember how happy we felt.
I remember that everything felt fine.
But I remember the day you said you cant do this anynore.
And I remember when I gave up..
I remember how much you begged for me to stay but I didnt listen.
I remember the day I kicked you out.
I remember when I realized I failed again.
I remember how damaged you were.
I remember how scared you were.
I remember how empty my apartment feels
I remember how empty my heart feels
How empty I Feel.
I remember the days, the weeks, the months, the years.
And I will remember today.
Memories that are forever embedded and scarred into my brain and body.
I cant forget.
The most personal poem ive written. If anyone reads this youll basically see my marriage fall apart with me.
scorched rose petals led the way
to the land of the greatest heartbreak
begs and pleas of "stay"
scattered about like love letters
torn pictures and broken frames
of what once was a love
that withstood every test of time
the land of the greatest heartbreak
serves as a reminder
that even in the purest of romances
when the clock strikes midnight
it's time for goodbye.
I tried to make it easy for myself. To give it up. I used to sit around pick at my food, and wonder how many pounds I would need to lose. I had a goal set in my mind. I wasn't ready to stop. It was becoming my time. All the constant compliments on my weight, didn't care if I saw the light of day, as long I was skinny, I was happy. I was pretty.
Now the world's a pretty ****** up place. But when you have BDD you think you're a disgrace. I pushed and pulled and tried to mold my body, into something I wasn't. That's not even the ****** part. I used to take the pills, chug the water. Was ashamed to call myself my parent's daughter. I was praying for something to come. And while it seems real dumb because according to you I'm pretty, I don't see what you see. Me calling myself fat wasn't for attention. It was a call for help. I just wanted to mention that starving yourself won't get the job done, and if you think it will, it'll harm you a ton. So please stay beautiful the way you are. And don't lose that precious beat in your heart. You're the only you there'll ever be. I love you for you. I just don't love me for me.