hidden in the shadows
gone from the world
away from the life you once lived

unneeded by the people
a waste of materials
pushed far from family

unwanted by the one you want most
nobody wants you near
life would be better without you

you left the once happy life
being unneeded and unwanted was unbearable
leaving was your only option.

At night; love loses the fight.
The night cannot protect you from the truth.
There never seems to be an end to the tears.
Or the sheer terror pinning me to my mattress.
My body recognises I am exposed to venom.
It’s innocent efforts make me cry.
It forces me into sickness, my body the only one to look out for me
Protecting me, spilling anything foreign from my body
That could make me feel such unbearable discomfort.
I am terrified that I can’t see you.
There could be blades or tyres or water
And I can’t see it. And I can’t save you.
I want so badly to save you,
But your tone is accustory, your voice unfamiliar
And I don’t know how to pull a stranger from the ledge
Without it seeming like sabotage.
On cold asphalt at 2am I sob
And when someone comes to complete their charity case
I am shocked by my shaking words.
“He is the only one that loves me.
I cannot lose the only person who has ever loved me.”
But am I delusional to see reciprocation?
Because while I gasp at the slightest scrape
And scream at every one of his blows
He can only remind my breathless lungs
Of their selfishness.
I am in agonising pain every second that you are hurting.
And yes my lungs are selfish when they breathe, whispering;
“I wish someone loved me that much.”

Tucked behind the golden locks,
that cascaded down her face
Were the footprints of dancing sunbeams,
that left freckles in their trace

And a pair of vibrant green eyes,
that flowed like twin creeks
Showed that she had been broken,
as they flooded her cheeks

Shattered by a voice, from which,
she could never break free
And he whispered in her ears,
just like the buzzing bee

His voice was rough,
and his every word stung
Much like the devil himself,
he bore a forked tongue

He made her believe, that she,
would never be enough
And he insisted on making,
every day tough

He told her she was damaged,
unwanted and broken
Like a loose seam, she came undone,
with every word spoken

Her glossy green eyes,
behind luscious locks of gold
Fought an unfair war, against the lies,
her anxious mind told

being the unimportant friend ******* hurts

never being the first choice ******* hurts

having someone laugh in your face ******* hurts

desperately wanting to be loved ******* hurts

sobbing into your pillow alone at night ******* hurts

feeling unwanted ******* hurts

I joked
I bantered about it
Being touched when I did not want it
I chuckled
I giggled about it
Being felt that way when I did not want it
I set it aside
I disregarded it
Being looked at with the eyes of a prey
I ignored
I muffled it
The deviant remarks when I did not want it
I covered
I draped it
The million clothes on my body when I did not want it

And yet

They uncovered
They tore it
Every fabric that touched my skin when I did not want it
They grazed
They squeezed it
Every inch of my bare skin when I did not want it
They muffled
They ignored it
Every scream that left my lungs when I did not want it
They forced
They pushed it
Every inch of their filth in me when I did not want it.
But I did not stop there, I asked and begged and yelled out my story to all
But at the end
I was called a ****
A ****
Who asked for it.

maybe if i was funny
you'd like me more,
maybe if i was pretty
you'd finally want me.
should i be loud or quiet,
honest or lying,
laughing or crying;
what would you prefer?
maybe if i was
somebody else,
the worst or the best,
or nothing at all;
maybe if i was funny
you'd like me more.

I’m so stupid
To be attached
To someone.

They’ll wave me off
Like they would
For an arachnid
Such as I.