Silence is unsettling to me
It scares me how loud it gets
when there is nothing

This static rain
is singing me to sleep
as the darkness engulfs your voice.

This ecstatic pain
is an unsettling creep
of silence becoming the noise.

How can you kiss me
With steady fingers?

Step one.
Open the top drawer of that dresser dad gave as a moving out present.
Step two.
Look for the keys. Yes, the one marked Yale. That tiny one.
Step three.
Under your bed, find that metal box you bought as your money safe.
Step four.
Open the box. Insert the key, twist, open the box.
Step five.
See all the memories and money you kept in. Find the notebook labeled “unsettling".
Step six.
Read everything you wrote. Read them until you remember. The exact moments, people, places, and feelings. Read every decisions. Read every mistakes. Read every regrets.
Step seven.
Feel everything. Feel the hate, love, indifference. Feel the feeling or the lack thereof.
Step eight.
Admit to yourself that everything is unsettling.
Step nine.
Return the journal. Lock the box.
Step ten.
Make tea. Drink it.
Step eleven.
Relax. Calm down.

It's settled.
You finally settled it.
There's something unsettling.

Found myself at a dental clinic...
He was the best there was.
Unorthodox and eccentric,
But to the specialised craft, he was boss.

Ran through the bits and bobs
Like any normally would.
The poking and prodding and the mandible X-rays.
Everything cold and clinical, so was the mood.

Strange was what happened next...
Specialist and I then stood facing each other.
He leaned close and pressed his palms against my rib cage.
Held them there over a few breaths before it was over.

Then a brief chat, small talk initiated by the man.
Bespectacled and exceedingly chatty, small in stature.
Talks of politics and odd human behaviours...
What started off as friendly turned into a heated banter.

I then realised that along with his decorated credentials,
Was his propensity to be condescending and arrogant.
Him being the best, I thought I could let it all slide,
But soon enough I opted out of being a willing participant.

Couldn't stand his abrasive cockiness!
I snapped out of being cordial and passive thought.
I wanted him to just stop talking!
I went, "Well, are you going to fix my teeth or not?!"

He was stunned momentarily...
I suppose he hadn't seen that coming.
Then his features softened to a blank
I could almost read the unspoken words he was conjuring.

With an exasperated sigh of resignation,
He uttered his next words swollen with regret
"There's no need...for you only have four years left."
It dawned upon me that my timer has been set.

*And then I woke up...

I've spent too much of my life
hiding behind a shabby, wooden fence,
dodging greetings and words of admiration
out of fear
and a longing for a comfort that exists
exclusively in my imagination.

I see no use
in apologizing for my urgency.
please understand, my dear,
if it weren't for you
the torment in my chest
would have settled deeply
within the threads of my mattress.

The night opens like an ancient book
all the lovers sleep under a crimson moon
there is a dream that becomes another dream
hurt and joy begin to melt into multicolor scales
pain and faith dance the chant of life
all the music is a different obscurity

must bear the weight of the channels of the mind
dark voids of stars exploding like candles in the dark
all beauty is cold, I can smell her parfume
cosmic restlessness and radioactive corrotion
solar flares and pitchful black light of a tousand suns
time folds itself by the passing of the spirit of Death

we hear trumpets in the sky
hideous symphony of sickness
foul smell of nausea drags on the soil
strange and unpleasent hallutinations
fill with the Nature of psychotropic womb

and I can hear a lament faraway:
"O Lord, give me a sing, send me a message!"
but there was no response, there was no God listening
is life a labyrinth of equations and sequences?
just lost numbers and imaginary answers
Destiny is joking around, Luck has been dead for years.