I've had some thought of writing about love in measured dozes
and how it could be applied in daily life for therapeutic poses,
where love is generated in certain amounts and directed to one
for them to use it for recovery purposes once they have begun.
It wouldn't matter at all what the ailment or condition might be
the love generated for such purposes would be used medically,
in the treatment and cure of just about any known life disease
where a patient or those suffering received right love to please.
We could debate and argue about the implications and scope
of what this would mean for one who didn't have much hope
of ever getting better or to living life without further distress
once they would come under the regimen called love's caress.
Take for example someone accustomed in life only to hate
and how love would turn things around for them to abate
those feelings toward their fellow human beings that stave
or so impede any beneficial relationship they might crave.
Even a genuine simple smile or a random act of kindness
would go a long way or could be used in such a boldness
to make an initial impression on one who was so in need
or show them that love was what they're missing indeed.
So then, a look, a wink or even a gentle loving touch
could also be employed with a positive effect as such
like the unconditional love in life of a caring mother
towards her children suffering in one way or another.
The wisdom of love applied in such ways wouldn't ever be
found to be wasted or seen to have anything unnecessary
that could do harm to anyone receiving a treatment of love
as the real source of it we know comes from heaven above.
Written early in 2018.
In between the dizziness and confusion my ailments calm me. I don't care how disturbing and unorthodox it sounds. My loneliness accompanies me everywhere I step foot.
You said I could stay in your heart forever, you said all these things and made so many promises that at the end of the day your words hold no meaning. That was when I was a child and you really believed you loved me. But mom and dad I can see the pain you feel when you lie to me and tell me you love me.
I'm lonely and I like it.
Wake up. Wake up.
Can't you see I am awake? Can't you see I am just trying to take in all of the cold?
I'm trying to accept that the vacant spot in my chest is something more than a heart malfunction—this is real and cannot be diagnosed.
Father will you stay today.
No, can't you see I have better things to do
like dance with strange women and drown myself in liquor?
No father, I cannot see because I am blinded by the scars and faint screams that cover my eyes, can't YOU see that I am no longer asking you to stay, I am telling you.
They say that the drowning comes to an end—what if I can't hold my breath anymore.
She pretends like she doesn't know.
But mom, how can you not know?
Can't you see that I am a flame in a cup of water?
Are your own problems consuming your soul? Too tired of the world to hold your daughter. Take pity on me woman! What if I fly off the tippy top of the stairs like a bird? Would you hug me then? Would you cry to your dying baby?
But woman look at me! I am in fact dying. My heart is shedding its protective layer and your words are puncturing it. Can't you see that when you lie and steal my innocence it kills me?
My body is weak. I can feel my heart giving up on me. Something my soul needs.
Maybe I was lying. I am more than these bones, I feel love and I feel alone. I don't want to feel alone. It doesn't accompany me, it punches at my soul and pulls my hair out.
And like the guest of honor, the feeling of overflowing emptiness bursts through the doors of this house and finds its way up to my room, my mom's room, and my dad's room.
We're in a full house together but we're all alone. And it may seem strange to want to be alone and to want attention all at the same time. But if you were me for just a day you would understand that it's nothing but a façade. We're all actually super happy can't you see?
My mother hits my father and makes him bleed but we're happy.
My father pokes himself with needles and cries on the floor of my room but we're happy.
Are you going to put the dog to sleep?
No are you?
No are you?
He put himself to sleep.
And in the end I realize that if I were God we'd all be dead because darling we all get what we deserve.
listen to Putting the dog to sleep - The Antlers
One I can't place.
Struggling of late.
Sloth-like and heavy.
No warning lever.
Don't know what's wrong.
Been rather long.
Can't rid me this cough.
Expulsion so violent,
Over a fortnight
This ailment I fight.
Still hasn't eased.
Can't be appeased.
Development is seen.
Now spitting green.
Not just all
That joined this brawl.
It's just the coughing.
No injury I'm suffering,
I haven't bled...
But I see red...
— The End —