I'm not selfish!
You haven't experienced the weight and woe
that accompany me with each tick of the clock;

I was--no;
I always disapproved of the things I've done,
I've regretted trusting with such nativity,
I always offered too much

I wanted to be accepted,
so I did what I thought I should do.
I tried changing myself,
I attempted to be like them, and
to somehow be similar.

It was of pure envy,
I wanted to be like them
Attractive, and having
countless friends

I wanted and needed;
And, instead of being envious,
I was greedy or maybe both;

I kept on suppressing my own emotions,
I push back the tears before they even form.
I would look unpleasant if I allow them to fall.

With an effort to perfect myself,
I desperately tried to improve with
the talent that I possess.
I was frustrated
each time it looked--so horrible.

Yet, blinded by my own perfectionism,
I overlooked the progress made.

"What a fool,"

Fickle to the ears and solemn to the soul is the truth she unfolds,
A tedious maze of reckoning lies with every answer she shares,
A woman of wonder.

Confide in me she whispers,
Peeling away each layer that traps his essence,
Share your devious truths that ache to surface,
Confide in me,
Trusting her gestures he dismantles his barriers,
Flooding her refuge with stories untold,
He confides in her solitude.

If you say to me, "I need you", it's not a weakness.
It is a giving.
It is
   a trust in me to know, and I know;
You love me and choose to depend on me.
Because--  you could fetch the cup of water
  yourself, with your strong legs, your long legs, or
You could ask me,
Sitting on the writing desk we put somewhere in the living room.
   Next to the kitchen, my love, next to the kitchen.
(Because when I write, I like to watch you cook)

You could ask me, to reach,
for the cup, with my short legs.
You could ask me because we know, and we know,
You love me and choose to depend on me.

I will reach for the cup. I will reach for the cup because I love you
and I know, I know, when you say you need me,
it is a giving.

~
Step into the moment
with bated breath,
There will come
the beguilement
and whispered shadows at play,
they seem to congeal around
conflagration of wills
and spirits considered outré.

And if it should rain
within these walls,
we'll advance south and sneak
under cover.
Fingers will find,
lips will linger and remind.
It will be a slow
recovery this time.

The places we travel go beyond
the arms reach,
they war for supremacy,
they alter and spasm,
they're random, but hover
between us in unity.

This dance we make
is an intimate ballet,
this push and pull
a blissful menagerie,
a wrinkle in time
we call ecstasy.
In kisses christened as luminaries,
appointing our own ceiling
— a mural painted in the keen
colors of craving.

The years of such sweet communion
have built this shelter, this nest,
and here together we rest.
And we are no less surrendering
to them than straddling the heavens
— the gauze of time,
timber and tranquility enmeshed,
and wishing it never ends.
~

I have felt pain that makes me ache
Dark pain that pulls me till I fall apart
A gnawing sensation which I can not take
Both slow and hard this pain pulls at my heart
This pain won't come "because" I think of thee
It comes from silence, something that's missing
This pain pulls at me, I wish that you could see
Your silence hurts me more than words reminding
It hurts to feel like you don't care at all
It hurts to know that I missed out on "we"
So now I start to stand up from this fall
Abandon all plans I hoped would make you see
So your choices I choose to except
For I trust you through the tears I've wept

You've taken a step into dangerous territory
Unbeknownst to your wide, naïve eyes
You're heading into a deep abyss
Where only the lucky have survived
Before you proceed any further
I will give you this warning now
I'm utterly and dangerously fragile
And my patience is running out
My warning signs are on full display
For those who dare on this journey
Caution is written everywhere
So that I know you won't take this lightly
I see the longing looks you're giving
And I can tell you see me as a challenge
Your cockiness will lead to your missteps
A guarantee I experience irrevocable damage
You think you will treat me different
But I know you'll ignore the signs I carry
There's no easy way to let my guard down
When your intentions with me make me wary
You continue to walk into dangerous territory
Unbeknownst to your wide, naïve eyes
Foolishly, you jumped into the deep abyss
But you were not lucky enough to survive