I came across
A stray
Snarling dog
About 6 years ago
While I was living in an abusive home
Matted and scared

It was battered and bruised
And so was I

I fed the dog everything I would catch
Gave it my trust
And my loyalty
While it was visiting other people
Still coming running to me
As if it were starving

A month later I left my home
Finally out but now on my own
And nowhere to go
I left the ravaging beast
That owned me
Moved into the snarling dogs den
Where it kept me isolated
And used
Never free to express myself for fear of its bark
But the dog never bit so I forgave it
For it was bruised and hurt
So I tended to its wounds
As I licked them clean

Seven months later I learned the dog was being fed by other people
All of my hunting was for nothing
I didn't hurt the dog
Just hissed and yowled and scratched myself
Because the dog didn't deserve that
It was just hungry
You can't help hunger
So I moved us somwhere where the yards had fences so that the dog couldn't feed from others

Two more months later the dog had dug a hole under them
I found it and broke down again
All while filling the hole in with all the strength I could find in my small paws

The dog learned how to jump the fence
So I moved us somewhere where they were taller
And finally he was my dog
Even tho he still hungered for food from others
But my loyalty no longer lied with him
So I'd leave the dog alone in it's den
Well fed while I'd go out to hunt for others

After awhile I forgave his hunger
And gave in to those puppy dog eyes
Gave him my loyalty once more
Stayed in the den
But then a wolf moved in
And drove me out

I moved into a house again but was still loyal to the dog
To it's den
Until the dog snarled and barked
Until I was scared away from my loyalty
As it drove me away

The dog would now just roam my home
And visit here and there
Presenting itself as my therapy
As it wrapped is body around me
And let me use its fur for warmth
Being at my service
Grooming my fur
Leaving it clean
Trimming my claws
Leaving them cared for
My dog

Years later the dog still barked
Snarled
Growled
But it still never bit
So I always forgave it
I gave it my loyalty again
I let the dog into my home for a few days at a time
Before it went back to it's den

I lost my memory
No longer knew the dog
But the dog said I was loyal to him
And he was loyal
My dog
But then I found out that the dog had another home that he'd visit
My dog wasn't my dog
So I tried to leave it all
Because nothing is mine
Nothing is for me

The dog came crawling back
Whimpering and howling
Giving me its puppy dog eyes
So I let it be at my service again
Let it be my therapy dog again
The dog cleaned my fur
Trimmed my claws

Time flies by and the dog starts snarling
Growling
Teeth bared
Back arched
Everytime I'm sad or hurt
It can't be my therapy dog anymore
But I still beg it for comfort
I still try to nuzzle up to its fur
Hoping I can calm the anger within its body
With mine

But I am no longer this dogs cat
I am no longer loyal
And I don't care for its loyalty
I only care that it doesn't prey on another
So I obsess over keeping that dog mine
Keeping it away from another stray

I prowl around trying to find other homes
Until I do find one
This home is nice
But I only visit him sometimes
Wary of being his pet

The dog grows distant
Hiding away in the dark corners of our home
The dog is no longer there for me
Emotionally or physically
It doesn't curl itself around me or groom my fur
It doesn't lick my head when it's lowered
Or trim my claws when they grow too long
It only snarles
Barks
Bares its teeth
And finally it

BITES

The dog bit me
But the bite didn't draw blood
So I hiss and I swat
I curl up in a corner
And I keep the site of the bite away from my potential new owner
But that owner didn't want me
I'm not the right cat
I'm not the right temperament or personality that he was looking for so he closes his doors

I let the dog come back into our home
It must've been an accident
Because the wound
Didn't
Draw
Blood

One of my old owners comes back
The dog is still distant
Still snarling
And growling
So I hiss
And yowl back

The dog begins to calm back down
But it is still not my dog
I don't want it to be my dog
My previous owner only wants a cat and not a dog
And I'd like to be his pet again
So I need to leave the dog back in the den

The dog still cares for me
But only physically
All is well
And visiting my old owners home
Has me happy

But then
The dog
Bites me
Draws blood
Leaves a gaping wound
In my beautiful fur coat
My fur was stained red
And I was bleeding out dead
So I dragged myself to my old owners home
And he opened the door for me

The dog still wants me back
He couldn't fulfill his hunger
So he took his fill
Right out of me
Yet he still hungers further
Still howls and whimpers
Still tries to fool me with his puppy dog eyes
But I can now see through the lies
And everytime I look down I still see the wound that was left
In my beautiful fur coat
I can't get that wound clean
So I make sure that the dog cannot get to me

I don't care what other people think,
the only opinion I need is my own.
And I form it in the echo chambers
of my cold and lonely home.

I don't trust what other people say.
I've been hurt by everyone I've known.
People are mostly out for themselves.
I'm better off working alone.

People don't listen when I talk.
Don't hear my dreams and fears.
And when I share the things I think,
people often disappear.

And when I give a friend advice
and they don't do what I say,
well how can I help my friends through life?
I don't know another way.

People and I have nothing in common.
They don't understand my pain.
I used to want people around me,
but now I just move away.

Please feel free to leave some critical feedback on the poem.

Three cheers for broken things!
Those who god rapes
and what the cat brings
inside causing screams. The last laugh.
Reduced to a shocking object;
denied personal being, a personal hell,
alone, touched by shadows.
All shadows imply light.
Torture of existence transforms to bliss.
Taken request, now give it a kiss.
See and be seen.
Be vulnerable, be keen to love the ugly.
Cringing dancing singing -
Obscene wisdom, divine pain:
Dominion of fate.
Tainted blood yet the soul won't stain.

I never held you,
only met you once—
a blurry FaceTime smile
through the screen of someone breaking.

Your name still echoes
in the chambers of my heart.
I asked for pictures,
asked about your therapies,
asked if she missed you.

She said yes.
She said so much.
She said nothing at all
that could undo
the dark she kept choosing.

I offered her light.
A room.
A chance.
A future where you had a mother
who came back for you.

But she blurred the days
until stars and moon meant nothing.
She couldn't see you
through the fog.

I tried to be enough
for both of you—
enough to help her
see your little hands
as a lifeline,
not a burden.

But she let go.

I held on too long.
Not to her,
but to hope—
that you'd be her reason.
That love might dig her out
when logic couldn’t.

You were never the problem.
You were the light.
The small, glowing miracle
she left in the dark.

And still,
I think of you.
Jeremiah.
Jerbear.
Sweet boy with a story
written before you could speak it.

Maybe you’ll find me someday,
when you're older,
when the past starts to ache.

I’ll tell you
how I tried.
How your mother did love you—
in a way too bruised to be safe.
In a way too broken to hold on.

But I never stopped thinking
you were worth it.
And I still believe it now.

you wish you were invisible sometimes
to hide the scars and bruises on your neck,
'cause once you have been seen you can't go back
to being just a gap between the lines
of someone else's story,
of someone else's life.
now your disguise is too thin to protect,
now you've been noticed, captured by a net that keeps you still.
you wonder when they're going for the ****,
you're counting moments,
but they keep on slipping through the wires,
you wish you were invisible sometimes.

spongey bones
ten little toes
not a single cry is heard.
i did not sing when
brought into this world.

bright blue eyes
grandfather in a tie
silent doctors grim and telling lies.
"we have no reason to believe
that she is in any pain"

twisted tendons
agony, unending
reshaping, like im made of clay
sterile tubes and lights
was all I knew, for so many nights

a macabre expanse
of leather and metal in a cruel dance
the clicking like the knell at my guillotine
fear strangling with cold hands
while the sheets witness suppressed sobs

she is not yet one
but her torture is not close to done.

Have you ever felt unsafe in your own skin?
If you haven’t, I don’t even know where to begin.
To get you to fathom,
The deep and lonely chasm.
When you speak,
Sounding only like a squeak,
Yet rattles around in the dark,
Trying to find the harbour with Your mark.

Forgive the failings of the parent, the flaws of our design.
Only if we accept our nature can we enjoy what's left of our time.

The poison left in our blood, corrosion of the self,
pain accepted as a norm, obligations on no one else.
They say the mind is the strongest prison,
walls of darkness and chasms within them,
and a fear that pain came first because pain comes always,
and as we peep out into the empty hallways
we see in their endless doors
and infinite capacity for more
and why would any weary traveller
step out into such foreboding
places to explore?

At first the poison seems for life. It runs in our blood and rains from the heights.
But nothing is without cost and the lie must be maintained.
We follow the orders held with us from the day we got our name.
But the thicker the poison and the hotter it burns, the stronger the antidote and the more we can learn.

Pain becomes progress,
a diabolical fuel,
a tool heavy to swing,
but one that will bring
greater transformation.
So let's turn bad memories
into useful information.