please do not smother me
                

                 smothering implies force
           it implies suppression
       aggression
    oppression
  Or asphyxiation
it is something not being wanted

         instead engulf me in your love
    let me be immersed in it
cradle me in it
Coddle me
shelter me
                
                        let me breathe
          
                              So i can appreciate it
                   and feel it all around me
             that makes it so much better
      ever so soft
      ever so loving
      ever so gentle

                 I understand why you want to smother
        
                                 i do
      
                          but you’re somebody
                     you’re important
                You’re love is important
        the best thing you can give along with       your time.
   It’s valuable,
so you shouldn’t give it if it is not unwanted

                           even to me

                        Or at least don’t make it a habit with anyone
                you see
        because you are too precious
    and valuable
    and important
    but thank you

                                I do
                          I appreciate the gesture and the thought.
                     I do
                  I want your love but not like that
           just not that way
       just not by suffocation
 I want to be engulfed in it

                     there’s a difference

I’m better
When i think about you i don’t feel like
I can’t breathe anymore
I don’t hold my breathe anymore
I don’t take it for granted anymore
I inhale deeply
And i remember what it feels like
To be deprived
To be suffocating

I was drowning.
Underwater.
Fighting for air,
fighting to swim.
Drowning, underwater.
Something held me down,
Something kept me from taking a breath.
Drowning, underwater.
I tried to float, but always sank.
I tried to breathe, but always choked.
Drowning, underwater.
I had no escape.

But you saved me.

You cut me loose.
Taught me how to swim,
taught me I could breathe.
Inhale, exhale.
Taught me I could smile,
taught me I could laugh.
You showed me kindness.
You showed me happiness.
When I found you,
I found me.
You gave me life,
you gave me purpose.

But you changed your mind.

Was I not enough?
not smart enough
not pretty enough
not skinny enough
not **** enough
not happy enough?

Was I too much?
Did I ask too much?
Did I care too much?
Did I love too much?
Did I need too much?
Did I hurt you?
Did I scare you?

Why were you so ******* afraid

Afraid of change
afraid of unknowns
afraid to let me in
afraid to feel what we felt
afraid of distance
afraid of trying
afraid to love me
afraid to let me love you
afraid of the future
afraid of us
afraid of this happiness
afraid it wouldn't last

But I needed you.

Now I'm drowning.
Underwater.
Fighting for air,
fighting to swim.
Drowning, underwater.
You're holding me down,
You're keeping me from taking a breath.
Drowning, underwater.
I'm trying to float, but I'm sinking.
I'm trying to breathe, but I'm choking.
Drowning, underwater.
There is no escape.

But I can't forget you.

Your words grab my ankles,
tying me to the ocean bottom.
I'm kicking and fighting,
but your touch paralyzes me.
I'm crying for help,
but your memory suffocates me.
No one sees me,
no one hears me,
no one saves me.
You don't save me.
Drowning,
Underwater.

But I still love you.

Twisting and turning,
inside I am burning
blackened bones all smeared with ash,
and soot,
and along the edges tinged with yearning.

You were my air, I was your fire
and I was consumed with desire
a longing for you burned me up
like wood,
and the smoke kept on rising, higher.

Stole my breath away with a smile
and your colored wings, all the while
I stood
so very still, but my heart was beating wild.

The suffocating wind was roaring
for your love it was imploring
it would
have been the death of me,
but with you, I am forever soaring.

a bewildered face, a blurry
cloud in the sky, i’m
turning in circles and every second i see something else collapse.
like the lungs
behind our ribs, we can’t breathe
when the air is so thick.
our bodies shrinking, lungs
suffocating, i don’t think you have room for
me,, anymore.