Sometimes I don't understand how people string sentences together
In a room full of crowded people, all eyes upon them.
I can only gaze in wonder as they speak,
oozing a certain confidence that I don't possess.
People that have the ability to commandeer a classroom, a captain.
Whilst I stay below deck, hands shaking at the thought of speaking next.

Smart doesn't always mean confident, what I put on paper doesn't translate well when I try to explain things out loud.
Daunting steps to the front of a room, all eyes upon me, strikes fear in me
My arms are lead, notes ready to fall from my hands
The hum of chatter a constant reminder that I am no captain.
I won't ever commandeer a classroom through speech

I can only hope that one day I'll be able to take that walk without my heart pounding a constant rhythm against my chest.
Without feeling like I'm about to have a noose put around my neck.

One day I'll be someone you can talk to,
I'll know what it's like,
know how to feel,
to express this emotion that bubbles in the pit of my gut,
Conditioned to feel nothing,
Nothing, nothing, nothing...
This armour is slowly being taken off, dissolving,
No longer strengthened by the acidity of self destruction,
What's left is closer to the bandages of the ancient Egyptian mummies,
My emotions, themselves drind out and mummified, begin to rehydrate

This is to the girl
Whose voice shook me
When I heard you sing Somewhere Beyond the Sea
As if you literally took my breath away
As if I was drowning
This is to the girl
Whose laugh was contagious
And It lifted my spirit
I was desperate to find a good joke
Because I craved the sounds of your chuckles

The way you spoke
When you advised me to do the right thing
It was the combination of your words
Mixed with your confidence
And how you believed in me that convinced me

This is to the girl
Whose voice I've heard
But face I've never looked at
As if you were a stranger
But I've known you longer than I realized

When you whispered, "Goodbye,"
My heart shattered
And the damage was irreparable
I had no choice
But to clean up the pieces and throw them away

i need to hear you say you love me
over and over and over until my mouth forms a smile and all my worries thin out into nothing in that moment

your voice brings a comforting validation to my body, senses and mind
i feel steady again with each syllable you speak from that lovely mouth of yours

i just need to hear you. i need to hear you say things that will make my boat find still waters on a raging sea

with no thoughts
to speak
I think
with no sound
to write
I speak
with no words
to think
I write

Stuck in my ways things can never change,
I should have more but the days turn strange,
I'm hittin a low spending hard earned dough to roll with satisfaction,
To hand it off making stupid transactions,
It's a standoff against myself
I have great potential that is in a developmental stage
it could lead to wealth
It's hard for me to believe in self
I have many guides but no one to truly follow
I'm losing my head Sleepyhollow
Of course I'll make the choice to have cottonmouth which makes life so hard to swallow
I need my drink of water to wash away everything I did
I'm glad I'm not a father I'm not ready for any kids
**** I haven't found my left rib I know hurt more than anything
I guess pain is the coolest
Time ***** as a Band-Aid
I need a doctor cause I'm wounded
I rather have stitches
than hang around ignorant *******
I need to find a lamp with a genie to grant all of my wishes
**** I took it back to Aladdin but you know what that's not gonna happen
Look my eyes call them red either I'm high or either from the tears I shed
It could be both but there is one I do the most
Not really trying to brag not really trying to boast
Things seem easy cause my reality is on coast
I'm trying to learn the ropes before it all gets tangled
I hate this climb to the top only cuz of the angle
There is a long journey ahead I'll pack light and try to save bread
Cuz a ***** got to eat or a ***** will end up dead.

-V.v.V. Ds

Can i speak my mind or do i have to pay ?
Can i say what i please or what you want
Memories and regret can huant an indivual
The visual for the future is blurry
Im 16 and i dont want to live life quick in a hurry
Yet people tell me i need to grow up
They say make money live large make sure you remember us
Others say youll be a homeless *** trying to catch the bus
Or youll be making a big batch of drugs
When in reality all i need are hugs because nothing else seems to drive me to success
Am i really blessed to be breathing today ?
Or am i blessed that i have a heart in my chest
Screams in my ear telling me i got to be the best
And when i rest my dreams tell me the same thing with devils

You woke me in the thin dawn.
Like a riot of rain in a bleached dry summer.

small green shreds of shrub sprang from my heart
as tumbling birdsong might litter the long pale sky.

your voice came drifting through the shallow line
And I let the sound seep like a soft assault on my senses.

I hear the words and picture your lips
Folding around the consonants like a dance.

I hear your breath carry the words and taste the phrases
That linger on your tongue as if to  speak them in a  kiss

These words that spin this cloth of gold in whispered utterings
This silken tease with a wild sprinkle of kisses and anatomy.

And would my words soften your eye and entice your body
With fevered adventures seeking to be sated with a touch?

Could you taste the blessings erupting from my tongue?
Would you ache inside far beneath the longings of the flesh?

It seems that every cell is sighing a simpering listless want
to be captured by the haunting breath of a lover’s call.

Sometimes I wait
on the edge of sound
like a mumble against heaven

Then I stumble
in the fumbled voice
to blurt my words
like fresh water in a stale shower

All the blistered spats of phrase
one awkward drench
in the scurried seconds of my speech
as if to utter
is peculiar
and my mouth
a foreign flag
waved discretely
against a field of opposition

Then silence returns
throbbing intensely
at my ears
like almost sounds
denying everything I’ve said

Who ever thought brooks should babble,
should really sit down in a public space for bit.
Because the sounds of cool water
slipping past patchy grass, pebbles and soil,
is not remotely comparable
to the grating voices of middle-aged women
discussing fitness gear, dinner parties and wedding plans.
I've become taken with silence.
I finally understand why it is coveted and cherished.
Silence is when life tries to speak to you.
This is something I didn't entirely grasp when I was younger
and noise was the only validation of living I had.
But the thing about silence that is much like noise,
is that you can only tolerate so much.
And then it's no longer a validation- but an uncomfortable pause
that won't stop
until you respond
to life.