All those eyes face upon my movement like a circus monkey,
Laughing at the uncontrollable flailing of my arms and head.

How could I express my embarrassment of so many entertained by my misery,
Like the stabbing of needles around my whole body.

So much movement and sound moving in thousand beats per second,
"And this desire to release sensory overload by hitting against my head."

This solitude of being alone is overwhelming,
And I wish I can convey my deepest emotions.

Only if I can communicate my world to you,
And tell you how I feel.
To dream like you,
And have many aspirations.

How could I express these thoughts to you,
I am a human being stuck in a different body!

Please be patient with me,
Show me the right way,
And I will show you my deepest thoughts,
My dreams.

I glided through
the diaphanous breeze
with a desolate hope
that I would find my
way through the haze.

I stopped to rest,
finding solace  
in the pounding
syllables of the sea
where I could see your
glimmer in every wave.

each morning the light leaks through my bedroom,
beautifully caressing our sheets, the spots where we lay,
cherishing the creases where you rest your weary head,
i often catch myself leaning in to hold you close,
only to be without what always brought solace.
my dearest girl, i find you in the light,
maps intertwined with your smile,
and compasses in your embrace,
you are the calm after the storm,
you are the light that brings me home.

390 days of self talk isn't ****
when you have no self control
the way your hip bones stuck out still haunts me
i'm sorry things weren't perfect
the way they should've been
easter sunday was religious thanks to your
your hand on my waist for hours
"Adults can grow apart too."
We were barely adults.
infiltrating my dreams is not welcome
i wish you'd fully disappear instead of just physically
we'll be fine one day
but now we just have to live on
i hope you're happy

It's dark, it's cold, it's lonely, it's home

Lights turned off, locked in my room
I stare with smiles, at the absence of the moon
I get familiar once again with the lingering darkness
It eases my pain and takes away this sadness
And as I stare into this oblique blackness
I think of bad and all beastliness
Devouring up every soul, giving up no kindness

In darkness, I find solace
In it, I find peace
In darkness, I plead no case
In it, I find me
The darkness is here
And it's come to stay
Do not be scared my dear
For if you're with darkness...there's nothing left to fear

poetry, you comforting solace!
balm, on the chapped lips of cracked hearts,
soothing salve on the conscience of guilt

I beg for something,
but I don't know what.

I long for something,
maybe a new love.

My heart crushed between my hands.

The scars inside and out
scream for someone to understand.

But I look at the clock,
2a.m.

And the coffee I drink
can only keep me awake before I lose each part of who I am.

Then I find
fear
or
solace
within my bed.

I'm never quite sure
which one will find its way
into my head.

I find solace in the clouds
-she brings rain
to cool my brow

tranquil in my fever-
I close my eyes
and leave here

solace in tranquility.

r ~ 9/4/14