today

I sat very still

the kind where you can almost hear the silence. I could feel my heart alive in my chest. beating.

walk on. walk on. walk on.

it wasn’t easy
I had to crawl to get here.

a lot of time spent tip toeing
through easily depressing situations

I don’t do well with emotional upsets
slit wrists
like please don’t hurt me
palms curled to a fist

but I couldn’t seem to
escape
his body weight

some things you just can’t
undo

unlike a knot tied
and pulled tightly
straight like a line
testing for sobriety

I AM NOT
linear

but you are

just like how you
think the past
shouldn’t
bother
me

and how recovery
should be me
getting over
it all

can you really call
yourself a professional
if you have never
walked the line?

so.

please- try mine.

Well I guess this is me,
They say once you’ve hit rock bottom you can only go upwards,
Well I hit the rock and pushed up into my mind,
Revealed the sky and shot up into the night.
Though all the scars and torture I’ve trodden those that are tattooed on my skin,
The mud might have weighed down my boots but I’m stronger now than I ever have been.

A somewhat sober somebody, turning my life into something instead of melting into another nothing.

------


Why do I play this fools game?

The rush of the steel to the vain

Does in no way, outweigh the withdrawals, the pain

The quick fix of the crimson- reinserted heals the shame

I feel borderline insane, self-inflicted yet again

As I suffer in dismay, crying out the Lords name

Please, please take away this addiction, this pain


----


-LetterGoddess

Yesterday,
I stole your drink.

At least now you can hate me
stone-cold sober.

I was told I need to talk to someone,
a therapist
because I’m drowning in the bottle;
my terrorist.
I have feelings I can’t explain,
the anxiety
And now I have to take steps towards
my sobriety.
I don’t know how I got to this place,
I’m lost.
All the hiding at the expense of those I love,
my cost.
I need to let it hurt,
the pain.
Or this terrorist will forever be there,
my chain.