I don't want no more
cherry
              light.
I don't want no more
green
            in - ferno.
Once upon a time I
held dreams as close
as I went on
to hold smoke
in my lungs --

   I don't want no more.

Yes: maybe Davey is right.
Which edge is the knife's edge and
which edge is. . .

Which edge is which?

Yes: maybe my Davey is right.
Complacency kills
the best of all intention.

My sleep's been in detention.
Maybe taking the easy downer. . .
Maybe taking
the easy upper. . .

I'll      take      back

      my dreams.

Eyes wide at 5 AM
I can’t tame them
My thoughts are miles away
Might as well call it mind decay

I drive in circles for hours
My fear hovers over it me, it towers
Just pick up the phone
No one will know, you’re alone

The cravings won’t stop
My thoughts are the robbers
And my common sense is the cop

Not very well trained
My brain is strained

Jump out of bed
Jolts through my feet like a knife
I’m on the run again
I have to choose

I had the most marbles
kept them in a bucket in the attic
Whoppers in all metallic colours
and rare marble ones
Nobody liked to lose from me
so I just played alone

A classmate had an ivory marble
but ivory is forbidden, and I obey
the rules, that's the best game

People have no idea
how it works and what they waste
They say that I'm parsimonious
even with the foreign cents
which I cannot spend, the truth
is I work hard

and lead a sober life, the good example
that would benefit them more
than the inflation of a luxury life

half-drim drunk lights
in a half-remembered drunk night
there is always a purpose that i am forgetting
a reason why i need to keep my cup empty
i want to know every moment i spend with you
instead of missing out on myself

today

I sat very still

the kind where you can almost hear the silence. I could feel my heart alive in my chest. beating.

walk on. walk on. walk on.

it wasn’t easy
I had to crawl to get here.

a lot of time spent tip toeing
through easily depressing situations

I don’t do well with emotional upsets
slit wrists
like please don’t hurt me
palms curled to a fist

but I couldn’t seem to
escape
his body weight

some things you just can’t
undo

unlike a knot tied
and pulled tightly
straight like a line
testing for sobriety

I AM NOT
linear

but you are

just like how you
think the past
shouldn’t
bother
me

and how recovery
should be me
getting over
it all

can you really call
yourself a professional
if you have never
walked the line?

so.

please- try mine.

Well I guess this is me,
They say once you’ve hit rock bottom you can only go upwards,
Well I hit the rock and pushed up into my mind,
Revealed the sky and shot up into the night.
Though all the scars and torture I’ve trodden those that are tattooed on my skin,
The mud might have weighed down my boots but I’m stronger now than I ever have been.

A somewhat sober somebody, turning my life into something instead of melting into another nothing.

------


Why do I play this fools game?

The rush of the steel to the vain

Does in no way, outweigh the withdrawals, the pain

The quick fix of the crimson- reinserted heals the shame

I feel borderline insane, self-inflicted yet again

As I suffer in dismay, crying out the Lords name

Please, please take away this addiction, this pain


----


-LetterGoddess