"Just stop messaging, ringing me etcetera.
What happened, happened.
Move on,
please!"

No pause, no hesitation.
He continued

"I don't want to be mates etcetera.
I just want to focus on the next step in my life"

He concluded,

"It's nothing you did, I just think you're not
what I'm looking for really."

Do me a favor
She asks
As if there's even an answer to that
She said, “Go find a woman who will treat you well”
“My heart breaks in two to see you love me”
And with that she left while he was sleeping
Down from our house and across the street
She didn't take much with her
Only an old mason jar and her boots and scarf
The clothes on her back and a sack full of knick knacks
Across the pier to a small old rowboat she bought with her own dime
And across the ocean she went
Far away from him
So far she couldn't remember if his eyes were brown or blue
When she knew him
She lived in a lighthouse now
It was free as long as she held it down
It was a peaceful life,
A lonely life
She dreamt of him most nights
Like the image of his smile was burned into her eyes by every lick of candlelight
Vividly
She could still hear the dumb snort sound he made when he laughed too hard
And she smiled
Not because her heart didn't ache, no definitely not that
She smiled because although in doing so she predisposed her heart to daily break
She smiled because he had no doubt found a happier life
That he had moved on
Because who was she to hold to man like that
To her, it was just a simple fact
It's been too many years since her boat ride
She didn't really know where she was
She just rowed and rowed and rowed until his scent had finally left her nose
She's older now, her bones creak almost as much as the lighthouse floorboards
She loved looking out from the top of that heavenly tower
Out across the ocean while the rain lightly showered
She thought about where he might be
She thought about his eyes, she didn't remember what they looked like
It was cold tonight
Foggy even
But she felt warm
She felt happy
Because this time when she closed her eyes she could see the image of him burned in the back of her mind so bright that she could swear he was really there
With a smile that was labeled “Handle with care”
And eyes that said “I’ve missed you”
And “I’m so glad you're here”
Because he looked like he’s held her close even after all these years
Like the only thing he had after she left was empty promises and worn out fears
She knew what had happened, she was no fool
She had passed on and he had too
But his heart was heavy and hers strangely light
She thought back to why she left that night
She couldn’t remember why
And no matter how hard she tried the words wouldn’t come for her to apologize
He just sat there and stared at the pleading look she held in her eyes
He nodded his head and turned the other cheek
And said, “This life, is not the one you clearly need, what you wanted was never me.”
The strange and muffled silence hung over them, like someone muted a silent film
She faded further and couldn’t see his face
Like he was just another beautiful stranger on a summer day
He just drifted away, like she had to him that day

Why do I still remember you?

It's been some forty years since we said goodbye
On that stormy August night!
Why do I still dream of you every day and night?
Please Tell me, tell me why I still see your face around, around every corner?

It's been some forty years since we said goodbye
On that stormy August night!

Please tell, tell me why I see your face in a the long gone Korean
Empress Myeongseong?
Who I never knew existed until this time.

Tell me, please tell me why I see your face in a Romanian Angel?
A Romanian Angel who saved my soul and life.
She would have been our Granddaughter in another life.

Please tell me, tell me why do I still remember you?

It has been so very long since I held you in my arms.
It has been so long.
Since I told you, I loved you,
Since I asked you to be my wife.

Please tell me why?
Our Farther took you home.
Why did He take you away from me?

Please tell me why?
It's been some forty years since we said goodbye,
On that stormy August night!

© 2014 Ronald J Chapman All Rights Reserved.

Light shines upon a sharpened switch blade
He smiles quickly, sinking it in my heart
Smoke rolls in, the room is dark.
Metal sliding againsed flesh
to the bone a ****** mess
Eat my heart out, build a tomb
you beautiful wrecker of homes
My hands bound, voice muted, no way to signal
given all, the last drop, no breath left to mingle
He knew, so cruel
never shedding the whys
the man with the knife never
said goodbye.

Last night, I had a dream
I went to Kansas
And I saw you there
It was the best dream of my life

I woke up believing
I'd see you beside me,
Because in the dream,
We fell asleep together.

Why did I have to
Wake up to the reality,
You've been gone for four months,
And will be away much longer.

He said with such ease 'I'm going, I've had enough'
He added, 'I don't love you, things have got tough'
I didn't cry, nope, wouldn't give him the satisfaction

I whispered, barely audible 'I still love you, you know?'
I added, 'It's hard, but, I'm not ready to let you go'
He didn't respond, he wouldn't face me for the rest of the conversation

And if this is what a breakup feels like,
I don't want to ever give away my heart to anybody else
Not ever, never.

I don't want to waste my affection, so tender and genuine
On somebody who is going to throw it back in my face, forcefully,
turn on their heels, and walk away.

It hurts, like a needle, pricking your heart.
It hurts, like a pounding headache after an enjoyable night out.

You need to understand, I don't need somebody to hold my hand
But I need support, comfort and love.
As if what I've given to you already, isn't enough.

He said, once again, 'I'm leaving, and that is that'
This time, I said, 'Fine then, off you go,
You ****'.

The time seems frozen,
Or maybe it was stolen.
This can't be true,
Do I really have to lose you?

The car was crashed,
The time just passed.
His face was bloddy,
And a little bit muddy.

I saw the blinking light,
Told myself "it'll soon be allright."
The other car was lying on the side,
I heard them saying that somebody had died.

The time seems frozen,
Or maybe it was stolen.
This can't be true,
Do i really have to lose you?

My lover he quietly mumbles in pain,
"It feels like I have been hit by a train."
Thank god, he's okay.
I thought that while they carried him away.

Then I heard  somebody say,
"Is the woman over there okay?"
Everyone turned and stared,
At the woman, who was laying over there.
I turned my head too and felt a chill,
Because I was the one who had been killed.

The time seems frozen,
Or maybe it has just been stolen.
This just can't be true,
Did i really have to lose you?

I wonder
If my picture
Sits close to your bed

And if
In the night
You seek out my face

I wonder
If when your
Out with your guys texts

From me
Annoy you with
Ties to another lesser life

I wonder
If at night
You can hear me crying

Your name
And waiting and
Wishing for you to care

I wonder
If while I
Wonder, you wonder right along

And if
We two are
Just wondering why we can't

Just wander
Back into each
Others arms and stop wondering.

You were the death of the old me and the beginning of who I now am