There are daffodils with butterflies,
fast-fluttering behind my eyes;
a chrysalis of hopes and dreams
maturing, and then taking wing.
Heather blooms, a hazy prize
of sun beams, and purple cries;
a weathered storm of little lies
I tell myself, to sleep at night.

A should move on,
S is just one person.
Maybe A will meet L,
But she eventually
Leaves.
Hooked up with O,
But only
Okay,
Nothing
Special like S.
Married to V,
Then got divorced,
She was
Violent.
Thought E was going to be the one,
But A wasn't
Enough for her.
He met L, O, V, E,
And still hasn’t found love.
Until one day,
He looked in the mirror,
And found I.
He let out a cry,
“I will love myself.”

To be a lover is to hold the utmost importance, care, and intention when loving someone as you would love yourself
The limits of a lover are held in those moments when love feels like the impossible choice
To be a lover is to take those very impossible choices and make them a moment of grace, courage, and compassion
To be a lover is to be as patient as the slow moving moon, stoical in the night sky holding an intense glow, savoring every moment of anticipation while waiting for the bright sun to return and smile back at him
The limits of a lover are held in those moments when loving yourself is an option, a choice, and an impossible one to
To truly be a lover is to love the impossible and stare it down with the intensity and heat that love brings in its stride
I don't see myself as a lover but one day I would love to be one

I'm somebody's daughter
Made of sugar and gasoline 
I wash away the filth until I bleed 
Desperate to be clean

I'm somebody's daughter

A small and hungry crime scene 
Made of guilt and strawberry cream 
But I never cry in my dreams

I'm somebody's daughter

Trying to become untaught 
They love the sound of sorry 
Even when they know I'm not


Sincerely, someone's daughter

in my deepest
exhale
i found the
weight i carried
float away
from me
and now
i can finally
breathe

Come ginger me,
Coz only u feel my pains..
Give me VITAMINS that will take this pains away..
Vitamins like these words dripping from my hypospadias through my finger tips. scribblings have become my vitamins, perseverance my meds,
exercise my up keep, meditation my remedy.
God my stronghold...

the goodness in you
will make you feel like
a true goddess

only if you will try to look it
inside your flesh
instead of other's

because your skin isn't rotten
it's going through a process
that will take time

as being a goddess
is not an easy task
she's good yet carries all flaws

who believes in herself
who stands up for herself
who take breaks when things get hard

she accepts the goodness
with all fears
she learns to face her problems

that's how you become
a goddess
who do good for you

I feel it bubbling up again
Like nausea, the feeling right before you *****
Uncontrollable and unstoppable
And utterly gut wrenching and ugly
A crush---

I can't just crush on you
Without being crushed
The weight of wanting like a boulder on my chest
It hurts, it heaves
It takes over my brain like a parasite
I feel little worms carrying thoughts of you across my synapses
Eventually, my cells will be rewritten with your image
The image that I've created in my head
And the image of me that I imagine you want

I will look in the mirror and I will no longer see my face
I will only see through your eyes, I will see myself as what I need to change to be wanted by you

I can't do this
I'm ripping you off my skin, I'm clawing my way back through the mirror
I am holding my eyes wide open
Reality check---
I can't lose myself in someone else again
I can't break my own heart
I can't crush or be crushed

Don’t lose yourself to the way that
You think that they want you
I keep being people that are unlike
The ones that were once me
And I’m not made that happy
By things, fun, or people
In a couple rotations
I’ve lost myself
And become something new
To become something new again

When they come back around
And you know they’ll come around
Will they see me standing there
Or will I be on the move
There’s a circle to run in
But I can’t just keep running
When the way gets familiar
And I stop looking cool
I have to change
That’s okay. That’s okay I guess
I’m reborn in new action
I’ll just do something else

You have to live with it
Whatever you do
Well that’s life for you
You have to handle it
You’re being destroyed
By the things you choose to
Make decisions for you
But it’s not who you are
No, you don’t have to be
What you’re doing today

I  just can’t stay still
And I can’t keep pace
Just to spiral
I have to change