Seeing myself
Through my lover’s eyes: forgiveness.
Through my own eyes: hatred.
Everyone else: only a mask?
Tortured self depiction.
False mirrors.
Where lies the truth?
Raindrops. Hair. Molecules.

The further I go, the less I believe

What's with the need, for me to deceive

No one even cares, about all my screams

I don't even care, enough to believe


NOW!

I could sing a song

And you should sing a long

Come on let it out, don’t try to be strong

After all, they’re just going to hear it wrong


What did they tell you?

That home is where the heart is?

Life gets better if you give it a chance?


But what if misery has made its place

Laying its laurels to rest in our space


Everywhere you go

IT follows

Beating that drum


Flowing in your blood

That’s the siren’s song

Of misery’s embrace


So sing along you dumb *******

It’s okay I’m ******* disgrace too

Your liver thinks you're too thirsty
Your mind runs off drugs
You'll be dead before thirty
Or killed off by thugs

You escape this reality
to where, what does it give you
You've only escaped your mortality
for your death is long overdue

You were humble, you were frightening
Now you stumble, and stopped with fighting
Where's the real you gone?
for this one's almost done!

You'll be dead before thirty
"Though will you live to thirty?"

I’ve never killed anybody, but
I may as well have
You see, I’ve spent so much time
Hating
So much time tearing others
To shreds that
If every callous comment was a casualty
I’d be the world’s most successful serial killer

Although, I guess it’s not just me
No
It’s every single teenage girl in existence
It’s every inferiority complex
Every dysmorphic body
Every ounce of self-hatred
In the nation
Wrapped into one
Spewing gossip and resentment like Diet Coke-infused lava

I’ve never killed anybody, but
I sure have wounded some people’s pride
Fueled their ego-scalding tears at night
Just to protect me and stop mine
Like somehow that makes it right

I’ve never wanted to be a bully, but
Sometimes
It’s **** or die

every night i'm all alone
i wonder where things went wrong
i hate every part of myself now
and i thought you couldn't do any harm

I lay myself bare
In front of your eyes
My hardened heart of ice
Couldn't take as you mock me

Tears in my eyes
Nothing but knives.
Hurts too much to feel
I need other kind of pain.

To mute your words
To stay in this world.
Can't let you see it more
You cracked my core.

I shouldn't stay I think
My heart won't take the hint.
Needs and wants don't meet
You are too important to leave.

So I will lay myself bare
And take all the pain
Sleep on tears for pillow
Keep myself shallow.

So no one can tell...I'm dying on the inside.