I stare at the stars
my soul ceases to exist.
I see it far away
my mind in celestial abyss
When will my tree grow?
I water her, feed her, & make sure she gets enough sun.
Why won't my seed grow?
I used to have a green thumb.
Trees are supposed to be beautiful & powerful,
so what's wrong with mine?
All the other trees are sprouting, why am I stuck behind?
I can't do anything right
And this soil is so dry.
I'm trying to break free
At least I'm already buried.
"Much better, I'm fine!"
I still cry every night.
"I stopped listening to those sad songs!"
Instead I write sad poems.
"I don't restrict calories anymore!"
My ***** decorates the floor.
"I started an exercising routine!"
I push myself until I can't see.
Every time I think I'm free, another problem holds me in captivity.
I thought I was done, but new issues just begun.
I hate myself.
"How about you?"
Aching, alone in the moonlight
My hurtful thoughts burn just as bright.
I drift numb through waves of sorrow,
The desire to be weightless lures me further below.
It's the calm before the storm of hunger
Yet I continue to starve, my stomach protests like thunder.
Fading in and out, I'm drowning no doubt.
Floating above me are skeleton bones and thin torsos
I idolize them, while my self hatred grows.
My lungs fill with salty tears, making me bloated, accomplishing my fears.
I don't care
I say, "I'm not hungry, really, I swear!"
Standing naked and ashamed in front of the mirror.
"You look disgusting!" A nasty voice sneers.
Recovery is far, for I still utterly agree.
I'm a horrifying atrocity, don't let anybody see.
As I drift forlorn to the open abyss
I beg, just wanting self worth and bliss.
The violent waves subside,
Making me realize it's okay now if I die
But I'll say it one more time: "I'm fine."
the angel on my shoulder
picked up smoking,
the devil on the other
took up yoga—
they don't know
how much they have
Encapsulate me forever,
The word 'depressed' is trite.
Just like love, I feel more than I can say.
I hide behind apathy
Yet my emotions control me every day.
The wretched hand suffocates pleading lips
I gasp for air as the blood drips
Unwanted whispers escape with my breath
Now's the time, I pray, slow death
Speeding, drive myself off the road
Burning mind, burning sight, it's my soul you corrode
I'm not possessed, I'm death obsessed.
I don't want to die, but I still fantasize.
I didn't ask for this, apathy created my abyss.
It's not me, at the altar still I'd plea.
It's my demons, laughing at my mortal misery.