My mom
Tells me I'm a gift.

She says love
Is what keeps the atoms
In you and I
Is the moment
She caught my
Father's eye
Is the day
My grandfather died
With a candy kiss on his cheek
She had never tasted something so sweet.

When we were little
We played kickball,
The ground is lava
And hide-and-go-seek.
As I grew I knew most days,
It was harder to find myself;
Let alone somebody else.

And I have been around
Enough center city playgrounds
To see the rich
Pump every bit of spare change
In their veins fighting
A cancer that they
Never learned to put in their past.
To see the poor
Wage wars with themselves
Trying to pick up
Way too much,
Way too fast;

Nobody really knows how to make love last.

So put your prism your heart
Beneath the moonlight.
Refract the wavelengths
Of your wonders
Into ROYGB-eautiful like the sea,
It took a lot of jellyfish to let
people see through me.

And even more mirrors
To find a place I was comfortable
Praying in.

Fraying in doorways
Where I learned hope,
Is looking both ways
On a one way street
Cause it can be so easy to thank God
While you still have bread to eat.

I have never prayed
So hard for a healthy meal
Than the days I remember
The heart is a muscle;
And sometimes the only
Thing we need
Is to "work it out."

And I know that some days,
My doubt hangs my
Smile like Jesus Christ
I never quite learned
How to bleed right.

But if there's one thing
I found from cleaning
The crosses out of the
Empty hallway of my character
Is that you haven't experienced loss
Until you've held two outstretched arms
For years waiting for your innocence to come back.
Nothing, weighs more than the guilt of your past
And nothing throws punches
Faster than the ghost of who you used to be.

And I know it's hard
To stop looking for yourself
Under every bed you
Left nightmares in
And I know it's hard
To be comfortable
In your own skin

But sometimes bars
Aren’t the only thing
That builds a cage
And sometimes
The only way to live
With yourself
Is to stop digging
Your own grave.

You can spend years
Listening to morticians
And never get grounded.
Surrounded by the
Square roots we all share,
By the same air,
We've all got to learn to let go.

To learn that
Holding your breath
Has never been how
Living things
Learn to
Grow

A girl danced in the wildflowers, beneath the big oak tree,
Chasing after butterflies, only to let them go free.

This would be a moment she’d return to in her mind,
When everything around her grew dark and life was not so kind.

A time where hoping was like waiting for summer to come,
She wanted it to stay all year, but the leaves fell and the flowers died; her spirit came undone.

The moment she learned the lesson that you can give too much love away,
You see, people are shallow and yearn for the light and they’ll take it, to make their night day.

A man she called father taught her the arduous art of forgiveness,
If he hurt her, left her in a dark hospital room        alone         , who could care less?

A loyal daughter should understand that if he has wings, she must watch him fly, even from her grave
And time would tell her that all her expectations were a waste; in the end he’s the one she’ll save.

When home felt less like home, and more like memory lane
And walking there was crippling, all it brought was pain.

But all this time, the world just turned,
And a thousand lessons she has learned.

Like summer needs the winter,

And the time you spend on blame,
Overlooks your gain

like a phoenix
i'm reborn
from the ashes of who
i used to be.

I went to check up on you today
but then like fate, my hand stopped me
so I didn't see what you were up to
for the better.

like a phoenix
i'm reborn
from the ashes of who
i used to be.

I'm the happiest I've been in weeks
Today I did something that I could've let
ruin me
but instead I held my head high and
didn't let it affect me.

like a phoenix
i'm reborn
from the ashes of who
i used to be.

my friend told me
that he saw self improvement
in me that i didn't pick up on
until he said it,

and now i see...
like a phoenix
i'm reborn
from the ashes of who
i used to be.

We use to be wound tight like two vines wrapped around another. We laugh, we cried, we were messes at time. Then the one day you got yourself a precious new flower. You guys began to bud together. Eventually that wilted and we grew back together. Months later you got a new budding partner and you began to grow with him. Yet, you seem to forget all your partners. You forgot who helped you grow into this beautiful flower. I gave you so much sunlight in order to see you blossom into your true self. You forgot and left me to wilt away with winter. I helped you grow through everything. I told you patience and time will allow a partner. Yet. In the end i didnt mattee to you. My vine is shriveling and my petals hit the ground. I wasnt dying because of you. I was dying because i realized you never wanted to see me grow, the way i wanted to see your grow.

Now im starting to bud and grow alone without you. Im wrapping around and becoming a flower without you. I deserve sunlight now. I deserve a friend who actually cares. I deserve someone to save me from myself. You have fun blossoming with your new partner. I'm happy your growing and one day maybe when im truly gone forever, you'll realize how much i was there, or maybe not.
Thank you for the growing lessons. Its time for me to blossom.

My words start as vapor
eventually coalescing and manifesting themselves on paper
but they are never really finished, they just diminish
until slow enough for me to catch
and dispatch them for my own use
but the truth is that I am just taking snapshots of a train of thought
that stretches to infinity
that is complexity and humanity
that is me, and so much more
I go floating through the door
I am ten feet off the floor
Drifting toward the atmosphere
Not there, nor here
I am near and I am far
I rise up to the stars
So high that I can see the earth
So small and insignificant
Yet utterly magnificent
It’s a matter of perspective
Consciousness is collective
So my view is not new
It is you, and all of them too
One is a universe, two is a crowd
Seven billion heads inside the cloud
Causing blizzards and acid rain
Never pausing our lizard brains
Paws and claws and vicious maws
Tearing at our sanity
Glaring enemies of clarity
We strive for perfect parity
But we are but a mess
evolution made us malcontents
We are revolutionary dissidents
Overburdened by stress
Too afraid to confess
So we swim in sorrow and silence
A waking nightmare, a quiet violence
When the path out becomes clear
You will hear a resounding cheer
As the human race takes its rightful place among the stars
No longer our own adversaries
We will traverse the universe
Going supernova with rhyme and verse
No more fear for the reaper or the hearse
No tears, we will find freedom from the curse
And each person will feel peace
Perching on Saturn’s rings
But only if we stop clinging to the ground
To the weights that hold us down
Weightless we can face this
We can stare into the sun
See that the journey has just begun
Shine bright like enlightened beings
Light enough to float through the ceiling
Might be tough when your mind is reeling
But it is just a feeling that will pass
once you fly into the firmament
And finally find enlightenment

I feel a slow sense of freedom rising through within my soul,
a freedom from the confines of past grievances, and past traumas,
a freedom from the need for anyone who held me high before, and anyone who now tries to
bond me low.

She stood where she’d always stood. Bare feet pressed firmly into that which was familiar; solid ground and mundane days. The rolling hills of green, dripping of constant certainty, nearly surrounded her. Yet before her, and so many others, was the vast open space of The Unknown that promised the opposite of that reality. No one she knew dared approach the The Unknown as there was never any need or desire. Her world was an unfailing provider of worldly things and acceptance. The surrender to conformity never felt too high a price to pay.

But, her contentment had grown old despite her youth. She often dug her toes into that solid ground beneath her feet. For she had learned that with enough pressure, it wasn’t so solid after all. The earth crumbled into soft dirt and she took pleasure in the feeling of disrupting it’s rigid state. When The Wind from The Unknown surreptitiously swept over the land, others raised a brow in disdain when she breathed in it’s essence, as if she were trying to decipher that which drove it. Her eyes often gazed in the direction The Wind came from, regardless of the shame that slowly began to grow inside her from her need to move on.

Day after day, week after week, something began to manifest itself in her. A seed implanted by The Wind of The Unknown. Or perhaps it was always there, covert in it’s infancy, until it had gained enough confidence to grow and surface. She felt herself drawn to step past the dirt she’d grown fond of playing footsie with and move cautiously towards the direction of The Unknown. Each step she took brought fear and uncertainty, but that was curbed by the the constant reminder of The Wind’s confidence in her. As she travelled, The Wind silently retreated to watch her grow on her own. Unfamiliar feelings arose that she had never experienced before which only led to even more new desires. She tried to process her emotions, but she was already moving forward at a steady pace.

Those that knew her, stared as she moved on. Their faces displaying confusion and judgment, as her small frame quietly disappeared against the horizon that radiated a haunting yet mysteriously inviting glow over The Unknown. How she longed to express to them the urgency she felt to depart their world. To share with someone this journey that had turned from sheer curiosity to the need to fulfill something in her that even she could neither comprehend nor fully understand.

Suddenly, her feet came to an abrupt stop as The Wind silently reappeared. It’s presence was familiar and yet unyielding. Looking down at her feet, she slowly became aware that she was no longer standing on any remnants of where she came from. She was standing on the edge of The Unknown. A jagged rock cliff that was both beautiful and terrifying overlooking a dark, vast body of water that appeared to stretch farther then the eye could see. She quickly realized why the air she inhaled met her with familiarity. It was the very entity that secretly breathed life into her spirit and beckoned her to depart from all that she had known before. With this realization came another. Her journey thus far had slowly fostered a self awareness that, like the jagged cliff she stood on, was terrifying and beautiful. She was aware of every single nerve in her body. Every desire she longed for was now completely known, understood and wanted more than ever.

She looked out at the dark, yet unexplainably welcoming water of The Unknown. That ever familiar Wind, playfully swirling around her body, tempted and coaxed her as she stood unsteady at the edge. It moved through her hair and against her skin like fingertips, gently comforting her. She basked in it’s attention and the memory of it’s unfailing guidance... until it warmly kissed her ear and whispered a single word; a command that forced a gasp from her lips. Her body began to tremble with fear as she attempted to process it’s request. The Wind felt her hesitation and picked up speed, reassuring her safety and softly explaining itself to her. “Wanting is not the same as Feeling”, it said. And so The Wind gently repeated: “Jump”.

So she jumped.

And the water enveloped her.

She felt.

She evolved.

She became one with The Wind.

And The Unknown became Known.

We spend a lifetime
Recovering from the childhoods
Ingrained into the mazes of our consciousness
Maybe we should think less

Covering craters in the corners of our memories
Targeting all the wrong enemies
Pause, Take a moment
To fall into the holes you tip-toed around
Fall with purpose, fall with sound

Confront the things that chase you
That you don't understand but lace you
Search it all and then some
Understand where each thought derives from

And need what you keep
Or keep what you need
Because in the end
It's your own soul that you feed