Dear Self,

When hurt and broken down,
sadness and depression take over,
thoughts become suicidal,
life doesn't seem fair.

You don't seem worthy,
of the things in your life...
Family, lover, friends...
you're worthless.

Dear Self,

When laughing and smiling,
happiness takes over,
those suicidal thoughts,
are gone away.

You have so much to live for,
and have much support,
from family, lover, and friends.
You are priceless.

Dear Self...
Please stay smiling and happy,
Laugh... just to say all is ok,
Remember, life is worth living.

there are so many ways I could describe you;

but I would start with the way your eyes look behind those black-rimmed glasses that emphasize your perfect chocolate brown eyes that you sometimes you wear green contacts to cover because you don't like it when they're tawny.

and your smile is brighter than a new fluorescent light bulb that has just been put in; so white that even the whites of your lovely eyes couldn't compare. I really love when you smile, especially the ones you direct at me. even when you laugh, you seem so effortlessly flawless that it takes me a minute to catch my breath that you constantly seem to take away.

don't get me started on the way you kiss. there was so much passion and affection and want. it was like your life depended on morphing your mouth with mine. it was actually the most empowering feeling I'd ever had.

but there's much more to you than just the physical attributes;

maybe I should depict the way you always hold yourself together and seem so strong but when you finally fall apart, you always let me know how you're feeling and it makes me wonder what I did to become so important that you would allow me to be your allegorical shoulder to cry on.

how about your silly stories that always make me smile or laugh because I know it makes you feel good to know that we can still joke around together even after all the mistakes we made and awkward moments when it was pretty much impossible for us to be in the same room to get to the point we're at now.

I can always tell when you are having a bad day or when you just don't want to talk to anyone and I respect those times because everyone goes through hard times and sometimes, you just need to be alone in your own mind for a while and block out everything and everyone else.

sometimes I wonder how I could've let someone who clearly wanted to build a relationship with me get away. things were a little rocky at the start, I was nervous and unsure, you were experienced and confident. I admit that I acted solely out of exploration but it doesn't mean that I didn't care about you. I did and I still do.

they're just not the same feelings that they used to be. they transformed from an infatuation to an appreciation. I used to think I might've been in love with you. but then I opened my heart up and I noticed that there was a difference. I still think you're attractive and I still admire your personality but, I just don't think we could be a "we".

but I really would like to say "thank you". you gave me attention that I'd never encountered before. you helped me recognize my worth and that is the most important thing that anyone could have done for me.

We strive to be desired,
forgiven,
beloved,
but when someones tries to give us,
shows us that we are worth all of that,
we back down,
we run away,
because we don’t know how to desire,
to forgive and love ourselves.