One second.
She looks left
Calm face, slight gaped mouth.

5 more seconds.
A look right
The wheel turns ninety degrees.

3 more seconds.
Black, white, silver, grey
Shapes, blocks, lines, a blur

2 more seconds.
Grey quickly gone to red
There she doesn't move.

1 more second.
Flashes of blue, white, and red
There she lays, there she's dead.

if you ever want to come over and be sick and use my body like a doll-rod
I invite you to do so.
if you ever want to throw the rings and earn no points just to throw something
I invite you to do so.
if your pictures turn moldy and you can't face the mirrors, neither can I.

it's been three hundred seconds and I'm wondering if I should be listening for alphabet city or the sound of the Wilson's razor, if I should be curt or vowelless, glib and just a big sickening consonant or Occam's tired and infinite inner gesticulations- calculated but fleeting.

if you ever want to be you in front of that cemetery wall covered in the haze of eggy moonlight
I'd like to take pictures of the alms on your arms.

This earthquake is spicy and I am thrilled to feel some of the momentum coming back to my chest. I'm wishing for art too and believing in faeries and mid standing-ovation bringing my ears forward by cupping my hands, and holding ceramic mugs to the side of my head, listening for a dial tone or the tones of the dying.

you don't even know you make me write
into a black book or the white box, into the notes
onto the arms, scribbling while driving myself crazy at three-hundred and eighty seconds. Is this recording? I can turn it up.

what does it mean if I want to hang doors and patch holes, make locks and wear capes? It's been such a long lawn time, since I first got high on myself, met a new person and didn't want to drown or for them to drown.
Is this when I take the rocks out of my pockets and stop lingering by the water? Please let me know. You'll let me know, right?

If you ever want to talk serial killers over Apple Jacks or Corn Pops
I invite you to do so.
If you ever want to skip rocks or run from the cops with a second skin
I invite you to do so.

I like to dangle my feet over edges, while wearing floor-length gowns, while wearing ebony feathers, and avoiding being arrested. It's 26 minutes into tomorrow and we didn't give each other permission to die yet, so please don't go down without me. You're supposed to tell me when it's time to wear my rocks in the river, even if I never mentioned the plateau or the room where I heard the women crying.

Keep my secrets in your open-handed notebook
I invite you to do so.
Pencil new eyebrows for me to don, draw new shoes on my feet to wear
I invite you to do so.

Lock me in a box until I'm calling for the horrors, in a light-absent four-sided trap in the fetal position, I could be in a basement or on the 7 and a half floor of the Mertin-Flemmer building, but hum to me please.

I've asked you to set me on fire twice and you haven't,
does that make us best friends? I hope.

Me and time are not good friends
Time won't bend the rules for me
Time gets mad when I don't pay attention to her
She tells me she can't control what she is

I get mad at time when she takes away my days
I hate her way I hate all her ways of doing things
The way she makes moments of pain feel like years
And the moments of joy feel like seconds

But despite all of that
Those aren't the real reasons
Why me and time are not good friends
The real reason is because

Time doesn't like my annoying friend
Procrastination
Procrastination never leaves me alone
And time gets jealous

Procrastination is with me
at this exact moment
Time got mad*

15 minutes ago it was 5:16 pm and now it's 6:50

Not every caterpillar
wants to become a moth or a butterfly.
Not every snowflake or drop of rain
wants to fall from the sky.
Not every petal of every flower
wants to tilt its face towards the sun.
Not every second of every day
wants to die the second it's begun.

Eighty years
to love,
Twenty-nine thousand, two hundred days
to leap,
Seven hundred thousand, eight hundred hours
to learn,
Forty-two million, forty-eight thousand minutes
to laugh,
Two billion, five hundred and twenty-two million, eight hundred and eighty thousand seconds
to live,
One lifetime
to leave…

I saw time stand still
in a fraction
of a second...peace

Saw it happen
as one touched another in affection...peace

Caught the essence
as Jesus
fed the multitude
and a mother's
smile
nurtured
her seed...peace

Yes, I saw time stand still
when the summer-moon rested
on a chimney top
and laughter ruled the night...peace

Felt temporal illusions
vanish
before a portrait
by Rembrandt,
capturing
the subject's
inner spiritual psyche
as inspired men
cast off their heavy macho ways
and hugged...peace

Yes,
I saw time stand still,
as smiles
lit the darkness
and tears
washed away sins...peace, peace, peace

I am wrapped in a trap.**
But no longer in the trap of sadness.
It hasn't come along to ****** me up quite yet.
I'm trapped in this trap of being close to falling in love with someone,
and being in the biggest crush in the world.
It is the first time i've become so happy that i litterally have a smile on my face for hours at a time.
I am not used to smiling.
Is it possible.
That i of all people have become truthfully happy?
I went from being sad and crying.
To being insanely happy.
Withing a matter of seconds with only one thought.
Simple thoughts of a person is making me so happy.
But me being soooooooooooooo happy is making me go crazy
Every night my mind is running around thoughts of him.
Ive become weirdly happy :P

Guess thats a plus lol.

55 days
1,320 hours
79,200 seconds

all till I can be on my own.

-r.y.s