It's like screaming
and wailing so loud.
Then, it's like being trampled
by the oncoming crowd.

It's like feeling
you're better than them all.
Then, you start shrinking
and become so small.

It is like wading
into safe, shallow waters.
Then, it's like drowning
and your breath begins to falter.

It is like wanting
to have all you need.
Then, it's like understanding
what you felt was greed.

It is like transforming,
becoming strong and invincible.
Then, it's like being scared
of turning weak and invisible.

It is like questioning,
asking them all, 'why?'.
Then, it's like realising
in the end, all must die.

The things we know.
The emotions we feel.
Yes, they wound us.
But, in time, they all heal.

Dear sister,
I am to blame for the scars littering your wrists,
I am to blame for your sleeve clad arms in the summers heat,
I am to blame for the tears you shed
and the insecurities that torture you day and night,
I am to blame.

Dear friend,
I am to blame for the saddness that constantly follows you,
I am to blame for the days you spend alone,
I am to blame for your scars and burns,
I am to blame for the tears and screams
you choke on until you feel sick,
I am to blame.

I am to blame and I know that,
yet I still push you away and pretend I don't notice the hurt and disappointment in your eyes.
I push you away even though you are the two most important people in my life and the thought of living without you is unbearable.
I push you away even though I love you more than I could ever love myself.

And I dont know why I do this, even though the loneliness I feel without you physical hurts and gets so bad I keel over and want to scream
and fall down
and drink
and smoke
and do anything to stop the hollow feeling that engulfs me.
But I am to blame for my own saddness.
And I am to blame for yours.

Screaming*
Inside
Either you cannot *hear
Or you cannot do
Anything