Dear sister,
I am to blame for the scars littering your wrists,
I am to blame for your sleeve clad arms in the summers heat,
I am to blame for the tears you shed
and the insecurities that torture you day and night,
I am to blame.

Dear friend,
I am to blame for the saddness that constantly follows you,
I am to blame for the days you spend alone,
I am to blame for your scars and burns,
I am to blame for the tears and screams
you choke on until you feel sick,
I am to blame.

I am to blame and I know that,
yet I still push you away and pretend I don't notice the hurt and disappointment in your eyes.
I push you away even though you are the two most important people in my life and the thought of living without you is unbearable.
I push you away even though I love you more than I could ever love myself.

And I dont know why I do this, even though the loneliness I feel without you physical hurts and gets so bad I keel over and want to scream
and fall down
and drink
and smoke
and do anything to stop the hollow feeling that engulfs me.
But I am to blame for my own saddness.
And I am to blame for yours.