And as I turned the corner
Into her old room
I saw what I had been warned not to see.
The apparition.

To describe its features would be a great feat;
It had no features so to speak
Just a vague veil
Of a time and place gone by.

In truth it was not terrifying to look at,
In fact it was rather soothing;
The history kept behind the pale old eyes
Kept me drawn to its pale old face.

I was rather calmed by its presence
Until suddenly features started to appear
On its cold dead face
And what had previously been a vacant plane

Was now the vessel of a horrifying creature.
And the sound.
The sound which shattered all the windows
And had with it a tone of fury and anger

Which made my ears cry out in contempt.
And at that point I understood it.
Why it was called what it was.
When I’d heard the cautionary tales of Draymore

I assumed they were nothing but wild fantasy.
But with her scream of a shivering evil
With no compassion in the tone
I realised why
They called her the scream.

Flay me, shroud my body
in Saran wrap, for others to see
what you mean to me: a relief
map of live suffering,
writhing organs in a plastic bag,
a human soup to drag
behind you, sensitive to everything you do,
overflowing with formless worship,
pink, raw and dreaming
of a vicious kinship:
Open yourself and slip my parts in,
we can exist, two hideous beasts
within a single beautiful skin.

I am huddled in the coroner,
a little beast within a man,
And when at night he studies bodies,
I come out,
now and again.

every night when i sleep
I have nightmares that make me weep

Every night i find myself walking around dead bodies
Every night i find myself running away from some killer
Every night i find myself in a warzone
Every night i find gallons of blood
Every morning i shed tears
It's a nightmare...

I feel tired of running away from the darkness
It's just a horrible place with screams at times
  
is it my own voice that i hear...
I want to get up , but I'm a prisoner of my own dark world, in my nightmare...

I find a light, so far away, but as i reach it, i wake up, its another day. And my nightmare world is gone, until the last ray of light, then maybe into that world, ill have to make another stand, and begin another night.

even as a kid, I knew that
forever didn’t exist.
I pulled tulips from the earth
and brought them home with me,
but I wasn’t looking at the petals.
I was looking at the tiny hole
left behind in the soil
after the roots were ripped out.

it wasn’t about the
beautiful thing I had taken;
it was about taking something
from the planet that had
taken everything from me.

the tulips went into a vase and
I kept them, like any other kid.
but I wasn’t the kid
who marched in and proudly
showed them to their parents.
I didn’t show them to anyone.
I sat by the vase and
watched them rot.

they were my physical proof
that death is real,
evidence that my friend’s dog
did not run away to a butterfly farm,
and the old man down the road
did not mysteriously go to a better place.
they died, and they rotted.

I think about this often now.
I killed flowers not to admire them,
but to prove to myself that
even beautiful things can die.

I know how morbid that sounds,
but what you have to understand
is that my whole life had
revolved around death.

my childhood memories
were a sickening collection
of wilted flowers, of worms
burned into the concrete
after a storm, of rotting fruit
and swarms of flies.

my young mind showed me
the same images on repeat.
dead friends, dead relatives,
people who left me,
people who left this earth.

for my entire childhood,
I never got to stop seeing
lives that weren’t fully lived.

even as a kid, death didn’t faze me.
violence was nothing to me.
pain wasn’t fun, but it was tolerable.
even back then, I was numb.

I remember how being
so numb at such a young age
terrified my teachers and
scared my friends’ parents.

I didn’t know how
to explain that I was numb
because no matter what
horrors I was shown,
I had already seen worse.

[F#m, A, E, F#m, D, A, E, F#m]

Zombie Heart, why do you keep coming back?
Thought I killed you long ago.
Tried to hide from you undead love attack
Ran as far and fast as I could go.

Left you somewhere I hoped I would forget
Dug a heart-shaped grave and threw you in.
Buried you down so deep I haven't finished yet
An endless war I know I'll never win.

[A, E, F#m, F#m]

Do you think I like breaking you?
My hands are stained red.
Do us both a favor and
This time just stay dead.

They thought they would be together forever.
She was in a fairy tale until she works up in reality.
He would yell and scare her enough to make her leave.
But love her enough for her to come back.
The world didn’t know what was happening behind the closed door.
On the news, they were happy as good be.
But that isn’t the whole story, not close at all.