she walks in rain clouds




she walks in rain clouds
on bright crisp winter days



the night
                         and it’s terrors            still haunting


                                    the infantwomanchild


innocence          a foreign term
ravaged by.                               that which cannot be.
          
                  u .   t.   t.  e.    r.   e.   d.  



          __________


held captive

     in the horrors of darkness that plague her

      despite the rays that warm her face      her hands are icicles
                                                         ­                   protruding from appendages
                                                      ­                      blue and veiny
                                                           ­               

                                                ­                               nearly necro
                             in both body and soul

               as neither dawn nor day
                 hold solace       their strength sapped by the all too real battering

                    of the loathsome black hours that trap them
                      

          _______­_


consumed

        in the hangover
              of fear and remembrance
       she looses her way                 on a path she has trodden many many times
             but never left a crumb trail


         ___________


solitude frightens her
        as does silence            the demons that lie in wait there
        terrify her
                        to her core         she restlessly seeks out companionship

                                                    busies herself with distractions


           futile attempts to vanquish
                     the memories that plague the stillness



              __________


­
she walks in rain clouds
      on bright crisp winter days
        
            tenaciously holding on to her umbrella

Love, four letters. How many words can be four letters?

Four letters to lead woman pregnant.
Four letters short of proud, regretted.
Four letter adjective miracle to earth.
Four letters added to she, rebirth.

The numbers game got lame it's gain was vain and plain insane no stain on Name.

1, like the ultimate golf swing.
1, second beating the buzzer.
1, master stroke, Picasso.
1, up beat frown on Model.

Need my pain be so dramatic? Why oh soul, are you downcast within me. Rejoice and delight in salvation.

I've seen my skin go pale
Every time my hopelessness devour into me.
The cold, dreaded feeling
The dark, terror rising
I ask,
Who are you inside of me
Lurking as a shadow
Pretending to be real?
"I am a paradox
Of all your darkest desires.
Dare not to deny me."
I've seen my eyes glow as gold
Every time I find the light in that dark,
Rising above my fears
Igniting my own spark
I wonder,
How do you shine through the darkness,
Even if I fail to live with my scars?
"I am the flower inside of your soul,
Blooming with all your purest desires.
Endure me, embrace me, nurture me."
And then I know,
I learn,
I accept,
Half the shadow lurks beneath the dark
Cannot diminish the fire I glow,
Yes, I do not deny you, my evil soul
I find peace in both hell and heaven's flow.

13)  holy extreme performance-artist who ended badly

14)  aryan/teutonic warrior who somehow got born in judea

15)  misunderstood gay-rights activist

16)  entheogenic bringer of the sacred mushroom rite

17) propaganda figure concocted by the flavians

18) lucifer's spirit-brother

19) maitreya: "the christ consciousness within"

20) hebrew extremist with delusions of grandeur

21) prophet isa bin maryam the great mahdi

22) just another hindu avatar and world-teacher